POV: Castiel
June 14, 2003
I had spent the last three weekends with Dean. But he had a car come in on Thursday that was super important and it was a big job, so he was working all weekend to have it ready by Monday. I think perhaps that was a good thing because I felt like we were going eighty in a twenty zone. Yet, I hoped we would still talk.
The person blowing my phone up was actually Charlie, several messages over the weekend and even this week but I hadn’t been able to respond. This is why she called this morning and said come hell or high water she was seeing me and I was to keep my ass at home. It wasn’t a problem; I was doing some laundry and tidying up a bit anyway.
Dean had sent me a few text messages and I’d replied each time. I had also gotten some calls from a number I didn’t know; no one ever said anything though. I wondered if it was robo calls or something. I rarely got them because my cell number was set up privately because of the books. Some fans had gotten my number years ago by simply looking me up, after that I made sure things were more private.
Since I had some free time I went ahead and cleaned up. I was on my second load of laundry and was putting another load in the dryer when the doorbell rang. I paused to get it. Charlie stood there with her flaming red hair, dark eyes and classic Goth chick style.
“So you are alive?”
I sighed. “Yes, Charlie I am.”
I moved so she could come inside and she did, but it was clear she was upset with me for not answering. She turned and crossed her arms.
“Talk. Why didn’t you answer any of my messages?”
“I was busy.”
Her head tilted, her green eyes narrowed on me and then her foot began to tap. I knew it was over, and she wouldn’t be leaving until she got the answer she wanted. Charlie knew me well enough to know when I was lying.
“Beer?”
Her arms remained crossed and she huffed. “Answers.”
“I’m sorry Charlie; I should have sent you something. I’ve been busy during the week with the editor and well, I’ve spent the last three weekends with Dean.”
Her brow rose sharply. “The editor I can get. But…with Dean?”
I nodded. “After the reunion thing we had dinner and I sort of invited him in to stay. I spent last weekend at his place.”
Her features went from anger to shock, her face softened and her eyes went wide. Very few times have I been able to draw this look out of her. I wasn’t sure if I expected an explosion of anger next or something else. So I paused and waited.
“I knew you had a crush on him but really Cas? Isn’t that a little fast to be spending the night already?”
“He feels…right.”
She sighed and her shoulders sagged. “I’ll take that beer now.”
“Want me to order a pizza too?”
“Read my mind.”
I got the beers first and while I ordered two pizzas I finished putting my clothes in the dryer and got it going. I then went to the living room and sat down on the sofa, clear of her reach. She finished half of the beer before she turned to me.
“So…you never called after the reunion because you had Dean here?”
I nodded. “Yes. He spent the night. Honestly, I think I needed someone here because of Robert.”
“Does Dean know who he is?”
“Yes. He knows that Robert is an ex and that he wasn’t good. I haven’t told him about everything though.”
“What happened with him at the reunion? He left pissed and clearly in pain.”
I explained to her what went down at the reunion and she applauded my boldness and the actions I took.
She leaned a bit closer. “So…once he was inside what happened?”
“I got beers and we sat down. He made a comment about not thinking he would be here on my sofa. I put my foot in my mouth and, well, that led to some good make out sessions until my pants ripped.”
Her hand came up. “Hold up…your pants ripped? How do you rip pants when you’re sitting on the sofa?”
“I wasn’t on the sofa, I was on his lap and he pulled me forward. Dress pants aren’t meant to stretch that way, ripped the entire back of the seam.”
She shook her head. “Oh god, tell me you didn’t have orange underwear.”
“I did. I’m sure he saw some of them. But, it was…nice. If that makes sense. He didn’t try to take them off and he let me change alone.”
“That’s good. Considering I’ve seen him look at you and undress you with his eyes. Not that you haven’t looked at him like that…”
I rolled my eyes at her. She sat quietly for several minutes, just sipping the beer.
“So…are you dating Dean or is this just fun?”
I paused a few moments. “We agreed to date. We consider the dance the first and when he realized he would have to work this weekend he arranged a date for next week on Tuesday. He’s picking me up at six and I don’t know where we’re going. After that I’ll plan one.”
She nodded and finished the beer. “So, Robert was an ass and you kicked him…Have you heard from him since?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t even know what came over me. He pushed Dean and he would have done a lot more if I’d let him. He wanted to. But, I just…reacted.”
“It’s how you should have reacted back then. But, I understand you couldn’t. Do you think he’s going to leave you alone?”
“He hasn’t contacted me or anything since, despite what he said. Even if I hadn’t been there with Dean I wouldn’t have gone home with him.”
She gave me a intense look. “Damn straight. I wouldn’t have let you.”
“I know.”
It grew quiet until the doorbell rang and I got it. After I tipped the driver, we dug into the pizza. Little conversation existed while we ate.
I looked at her. “How are you and Sierra?”
“We’re doing really well. I think…she may be the one for me.”
“That’s good. You seem so happy with her. I’m glad you found her.”
She nodded. “Me too. She’s actually out of town this weekend on a business trip in New York. She hates the city so badly. She’s called to complain about the traffic, the excess, and the prices.”
“New York isn’t for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.”
“You’ve been a few times, right?”
“Yes. Book signings mostly. If the current book does well they’ll probably do another tour too.”
She shrugged. “It was good for you though.”
“I don’t know, I hate big cities alone.”
“You could always take Dean this time.”
I tilted my head some. “He owns his own business Charlie; he may not be able to go.” It was weird that I wanted to ask him now though. “But, yes, if we’re still together.”
Her head shot up at me. “What’s that mean, Castiel? If you’re still together?!”
“Come on, my track record isn’t that good.”
She gave me another pointed look. “Castiel Tippens Novak! How many times have I told you to stop thinking like that?!”
“I can’t help it Charlie!”
“Please…tell me you aren’t having these thoughts with Dean already?”
I lowered my head because I couldn’t tell her that. It had occurred to me many times despite how Dean’s been toward me and how understanding he is. It’s there on the surface, it’s a thought that maybe I am destined to be alone and don’t deserve happiness. Robert didn’t think I did and he’s been right so far. Everyone after him hasn’t stayed.
“Cas…”
“I can’t help it Charlie! Every relationship I have tried to have has failed, they walk out on me. Why should I assume Dean would be any different?”
“I’m going to just assume that you two haven’t had sex?”
I shook my head. “I’m still a virgin and we haven’t even seen each other naked or even topless!”
“Yet, he’s still here. He feels guilty that he has to work this weekend so he’s setting up a date with you next week. He knows about Robert and he’s still
here. It sounds like he would beat Robert’s ass if he had a chance.”
I laughed. “He would have, but that was the first date.”
“Castiel, if he didn’t want to be with you he wouldn’t have volunteered. I’ve seen and heard him deny dates before because he simply didn’t want to go. He obviously wants to get to know you.”
“But he can’t guarantee me anything Charlie.”
She looked away a moment and then back to me. “I can’t be sure that Sierra wants to be with me forever either, but it doesn’t stop me from seeing if it can be. Castiel, if you keep assuming that this will end the same way, then it will. He’ll feel like you aren’t in it for real and he’ll want more and you won’t be able to do that.”
“He knows I’m a virgin.”
Her brow rose. “You’ve already told him?”
“When we were making out, and I was in his lap, his hands slipped inside my waistband. It scared me a little and he asked if I was okay.”
“And what did he do? Because if I recall, the last three you told got mad and left when you said you didn’t want to.”
“He wasn’t mad. He doesn’t know the extent of why but he wasn’t mad. I told him to stop and he did. Asked if I was okay. He wanted to know why and honestly, Charlie, he seemed concerned.” I paused a moment. “As if he’d done something wrong. He even said he figured I had a reason and wanted to know. He promised not to laugh and he didn’t. He did ask why and I told him I wasn’t comfortable for some reason or another, again no details. He then told me to tell him if anything made me uncomfortable.”
Her brow rose some. “Does that sound like someone who doesn’t care? Who doesn’t want to understand and know what makes you tick? You have to admit his reaction is nothing like the others.”
My shoulders dropped. Charlie was right about that, Dean’s reaction was nothing like theirs. He made me feel safe and that was something no one else had made me feel.
“No. It doesn’t. He really listens too. He fixed a stew with more veggies than anything because he remembered I didn’t eat a lot of meat. He’s tried new foods because I have them here.”
“Am I going to have to rip you a new one here? I know those past relationships were horrible Castiel, I do. I was there and I saw how hurt you were. I know you wanted them to work. But, Dean isn’t them. You have to stop going into a relationship with the assumption that he will be.”
“It’s hard Charlie.”
“I know it is. But, you know I loved Kara. Losing her was like death, but I knew she wouldn’t want me to be alone and miserable. You’ve been wanting a real relationship and come on; you think I don’t know some of those car issues were bullshit just to get you to the garage?”
I felt the blush burning through my face. “How did you even know?”
“I’m good like that. Trust me here, Cas. Please?”
“I don’t know how to turn it off.”
“It’s not easy. It was hard for me to believe that I could be happy after Kara passed. But if anyone can help, it’s Dean. I’ve seen him when you’re around and he seems very interested. Also, it’s obvious he wants you to be comfortable around him. That speaks volumes, Cas. No one can say that you’ll last forever but if you don’t give it a chance you won’t know.”
“Any advice?”
She smiled. “Yes. Be yourself around him, but don’t let those thoughts cloud your mind. You’re an amazing human being. You are kind, generous and deserve to have someone who will love you for that. Whether it be Dean or someone else.”
“I can try.”
“Yes, you can. So…tell me how you feel about him! I know you’ve had this crush and all but now that you’ve actually been with him and in a manner that isn’t concerning some noise under the hood of your car.”
I blushed more because I was sure he could take care of any kind of noises.
“I feel like he could be the right one which scares me more because I’m not sure if it will last. But I feel comfortable with him, at ease and safe. He stopped when I asked and he’s been respectful which isn’t at all how I thought he would be because of the rumors.”
“Well, you can’t listen to all the rumors. He’s respectful toward you and that’s what matters.”
“He really is and I think…I’d really like to make it work, I just sometimes can’t get out of my head long enough. I drift at times and it makes me feel bad.”
She laid her hand on my knee and squeezed.
“Castiel, you just need to be honest. Have you told him your fears about it?”
“He has gotten a run down and he’s said he wasn’t them.”
“Well, there’s your answer. Now, we need to move to other things because I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t stop thinking you can’t be happy.”
“What other things?”
“That next book for example. What’s the supernatural entity? Are the guys going to be hurt again? Jared’s broken arm was sad to read! And did you seriously have to kill Jensen and bring him back?!”
“You’re more persistent than fans!”
She say up straight and her sassy attitude was back. “I am your biggest fan, bitch. And you best believe that. Now, what can you tell me?”
“That you’ll love it. You know the last time I gave you a rundown you complained. Literally, complained because I had told you all the important things beforehand. I’m not falling for this trap again.”
“Well, Jared and Jensen are my favorite characters!”
“You’d be happy to know a new player comes in and that is all I am telling you.”
“Tease!”
I wiggled my brows. “Not as much as you think. Seriously, I’d tell you more but I haven’t really finished it totally. Editors wanted a few changes and I agreed. So, I’ve been working on edits the last few weeks.”
“Has Dean mentioned reading any of them?”
I smiled. “He has, yes. How did you even think to ask?”
“I saw him once with one of the books, but I wasn’t sure if he actually read them or just that one.”
“He has them all in his place, on a shelf. Well worn edges and apparently Sam has read them as well.”
“Good. So, besides edits and Dean, anything else going on?”
My phone pinged right after she asked and she rolled her eyes when I quickly checked.
“Must be Dean.”
“It is.”
I opened the message from him which was actually a photo of him beside a super filthy engine. His hands were smeared with oil and grease and even his face had some. His message just said he was getting dirty and wanted me to know. Charlie tried to rubberneck but I kept that photo for myself. Perhaps…for later.
“I know he didn’t send a nude photo.”
“No. Just him all greasy.”
She rolled her eyes. “Typical.”
I sent back a smiley face and told him to be careful. Let him know that Charlie was here and she knew about us. He replied with a smiley face and said that was good. When I looked at Charlie she was smiling.
“What?”
“I haven’t seen that big of a smile on your face in a very long time.”
I could feel the blush creeping down my neck now. The ring tone startled us both but I didn’t answer.
“Not Dean I assume?”
“I don’t know the number, called a few times but no one ever says anything. I think it’s those automatic calls and shit.”
“Probably, I get them a lot.”
“So, you’ve asked about me. How is your job going?”
She sat back on the sofa. “Pretty well actually, they’re giving me a promotion next month and it means that I can afford those conventions I want to
attend next year.”
“You and conventions.”
“Hey, it’s awesome. It also increases my ability to save, which is what Sierra said I should do.”
“Probably should.”
“I will most likely but I do really want to attend a few conventions.”
“I know.”
“One day you’ll understand them.”
I rolled my eyes. “Unlikely. But, Charlie, I have a question.”
“Go for it.”
“Dean still talks to one of his previous partners. This person is dating someone and committed. I really haven’t fretted; he doesn’t strike me as that type.”
“You don’t have to worry about him or her. Dean is a one person guy.”
“Thank you. Now, you want to help me fold clothes?”
“You can fold your own damn underwear.”
She did follow me though and we did more talking than anything, but I managed to get my clothes folded and put away. I even showed her the pair of pants that ripped and got a good laugh from her. It was a pleasant afternoon and she and I heated up leftover pizza for dinner. Once she left I messaged Dean and he called about ten minutes later.
We talked for about an hour before he headed to finish the car and I went to the desk for edits. The edits weren’t much, there were just some details that she thought I had mentioned before and had misspoken, she had been right and I’d needed to change a few details and then make sure the book flowed well after that change.
I continued editing until I got too tired and then I headed to bed.