POV: Dean
June 6,2005 ; 5:15pm
I’d made the executive decision to give myself the afternoon off and the others had already left. I was preparing a stew made with fresh veggies that I thought Cas would love.
Cas and I had talked daily, usually in the afternoons when I closed for the day. We talked about the day, he talked about potential book ideas, sometimes I provided some help if he was having a rough time with something. I’d spent last weekend with him and we’d gone to the movies and had dinner out. He seemed to be warming up some but I could still tell he had some issues with relationships. Which is why I invited him over this weekend, to see how he was outside his own home.
While the stew simmered on the stove, I cleaned up. My place was less than 600 square feet and it was positioned on top of my garage. He was due to
arrive by six and I actually saw his vehicle drive into the parking lot, I went down to let him inside. He seemed confused but he had a backpack with him.
“Hey Dean.”
“Hey Cas.”
“So, I’m a little confused.”
I smiled. “My place is upstairs. Follow me.”
I led him through the office spaces to the doorway in the back where it went up to my place. I let him in first because well, I wanted to see his ass
walking up the steps.
“This is…very nice. I believe it fits you very well.”
“Thanks. It was one reason I got this particular place. It allowed me to live up here.”
“Where does Sam stay? I heard he was home for the summer.”
“He’s at our parents, it’s where he goes but he spends a lot of time here during the week.”
“I wish my brother and I were that close.”
“You aren’t?”
I moved over to the stove but his silence was telling me that was a touchy subject, so I didn’t push it. I stirred the stew and cut it off. It was done but would need to cool a bit. I turned and he was still standing there.
“Castiel?”
“Sorry. I got a little spacey.”
I moved over and cupped his face, planted soft kisses on his lips. “It’s okay. Dinner’s ready, it just needs to cool down some if you’d like to get comfortable.”
He leaned in for a few more kisses. “You’re not in pajamas.”
“I was going to change as well and I guess I should give you the grand tour? You can see the kitchen, living, and dining areas along with the bedroom. The bathroom is the first door to the right and my closet is the last.”
He moved away and explored, laying his bag on the bed to get pajamas. While he changed in the bathroom, I changed in the main room. Sweatpants and a t-shirt for me, and he had the red peppers pants and a red t-shirt. I plated the stew with the bread and served dinner.
I still liked the way he enjoyed what I cooked, pretty much the same look I got when he cooked. We had determined tonight would be indoors and I’d rented some movies for the night.
“This is delicious. I wasn’t sure what I expected when you said you were going to surprise me. I think I expected more meat.”
“You did say you weren’t much of a meat eater. So, I went with more vegetables than anything.”
He smiled at me and I my heart fluttered some. When we finished dinner after second helpings I put a lid on the stew and just put the dishes in the sink, I’d fret over them later.
“You did get breakfast stuff right?” he asked.
“Yes. Just what you told me to have handy.”
I had to admit I was looking forward to another omelet. We moved from my little dining table to the living room and I laid out the options.
“Your choice.”
I’d gotten three different movies in three different genres: a comedy, an action movie and one that was kinda of romantic. He chose the romantic one and smiled. Well, at least the other two were for later. But he paused me before I got up.
“You asked about my brother and I… I’m sorry I didn’t answer right away. My brother is older than me and we were never really close. We have the same mother but different fathers and he wasn’t thrilled when Mom married my father. I think he blamed me and it wasn’t easy a lot of the time. It didn’t help that I am gay. He’s not against it but he’s not totally on board.”
“I’m sorry. Do you still talk to him at least?”
“Oh yes, at least every few weeks. He likes to travel a lot. I also talk to my parents as well. They don’t necessarily approve but they will support me.”
“My parents and Sammy know. But, it must be rough if they aren’t fully supportive.”
“Yes, it is. I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Cas, you’re not required to answer every question, I get some subjects that could be touchy and you don’t want to say it right now.”
“Thank you Dean.”
“No problem. Maybe one day I can meet them.”
“I hope so.”
I got the movie started and I didn’t even need to ask, he was curled up beside me before the opening credits were even done. Not that I had any problem with this. I wouldn’t admit it to everyone but I did love to cuddle and Cas obvious did too.
It was weird that I felt so comfortable with him this fast. Despite the lack of sexual activity I felt we were getting to know one another better. Of course, there were aspects of our lives we hadn’t talked about such as finances or past relationships. I did know about Robert but only what he told me at the dance.
It felt like this slower start was better.
Shockingly the movie really was good; I didn’t think I’d like it as much as I did. I stopped the movie with the remote control but didn’t move. It felt like he was drifting off and I just didn’t want to move him. But he turned to look at me.
“Another movie or are you too tired?”
“Not going to guarantee I’ll make it through another one.”
I smiled. “How about I just find something or we can go ahead and lay down?”
He glanced into the bedroom area and then back at me, kind of hopeful. Truthfully I had no problem laying down this early.
“Bed it is. Let me put away the leftovers right quick though. It’ll be good for lunch tomorrow.”
“Or even dinner…”
We both got up and while he got ready for bed I put away the leftovers and then got myself ready by brushing my teeth and all. He was already lying down and I got the lights and crawled into the bed as well.
“Memory foam?” he asked.
“I love it.”
“It’s comfortable.”
It took several moments to get comfortable and ended up with his back against my chest.
“You like this position, don’t you?”
“I do.”
I placed a few soft kisses to the area just behind his ear. “Sleep well.”
“I’m sure I will. Good night, Dean.”
He must have been tired because he was asleep not long after it got quiet and I laid there for about an hour before I drifted off.
*Cas* (Saturday)
I thought I would be awake to fix breakfast but when I finally opened my eyes I could smell the bacon cooking already. It was rare that I slept longer than seven, but the clock beside the bed said nine. I sat up and could see Dean across the room, back to me, cooking at the stove. I paused and just watched him for a moment. Dean was…unlike anyone I had dated before. But, it scared me so much, scared me that I wanted to be here with him and wanted to do so much with him. I finally dragged my eyes away and got up. When I made it to the kitchen I found that he had cut up an assortment of ingredients for omelets and had the eggs waiting.
“You prepped everything just right.”
He smiled. “You were sleeping too well when I got up. I figured I’d start the coffee, get the bacon done and then you could work your magic.”
“Sounds like a good plan.”
While he finished cooking the bacon I went ahead and got myself a cup of coffee, letting the warmth of it settle. When the bacon was done we swapped places and I was curious.
“Are you renting? Or do you own this place?”
I began to prepare the eggs and tossed in the pan what I was sure Dean would want on his.
“When I told my parents and Sam that I wanted to open a garage everyone was on board. Dad, Sam and I did a comparison about the operation and costs and figured out renting a place was going to be expensive. This place was for sale and the price was good. So, Dad got the loan for me. I pay the loan payment which means less overhead.”
“That’s smart actually.”
“Sammy is smart and Dad was a blessing when it came to just knowing what I needed. I just followed. Not going to lie the first year was hard. Business was good but I was the only one here and Dad would help me sometimes. Even Sam helped when he could. When I became stable enough, I hired helpers.”
I stirred the assortment of veggies and began to crack the eggs. “You do the books yourself or does Sam?”
“Sam helped me set everything up. Charlie actually got me the tools.”
Glancing back at him. “How do you know Charlie?”
He smiled at me, nodded slightly. “Her parents knew my Dad from the garage he worked at. When I opened up they came to me. She came in and realized that I needed some help. She set up a computer system for me which made things run more smoothly.”
“She’s very good with computers.”
“Hell yeah she is. You knew Charlie from high school?”
The veggies were almost done, so I began whipping the eggs. “Middle school actually. She became a very good friend when I was outed. She understood and had the ability to help me with the problems.”
“I assume that your ex wasn’t the only bad thing?”
I shook my head, stirred the veggies. “No. I mean, I was a gay nerd. If they weren’t saying mean things about me being smart then it was about me liking boys. It just…never seemed to matter. Charlie was there and helped.”
I added the eggs to the pan for his omelet and began making the omelet itself, but turned slightly.
“Do you have any friends from school? Anyone you kept in touch with?”
He shrugged. “I guess you could say I was popular. It was nice but sometimes it felt fake. A lot of the people I called ‘friends’ didn’t stick around after we graduated.”
“But a few did?”
He swiped a piece of bacon and bit into it. “Yeah, a few. Some are more Sam’s friends than mine. Other than Charlie, any others?”
“Not really. I have some that are associated with my career. They’re good friends but I wouldn’t say they are friends like Charlie.”
“Seems we both have close friends that we like to keep.”
I plated his now completed omelet and set about making my own. I finished mine and we sat down and had breakfast. It was quiet as we ate and when finished he put the plates in the sink with last night’s.
“You don’t want me to clean up?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Na. I like washing them when I have more than a few plates. Did you want to go anywhere today? Or did you want a pajama and TV day?”
“I think…pajamas and chill day.”
“Done.”
We moved to the living area where he popped a movie in and we got comfortable. I liked this movie and the cuddling was awesome but there were things on my brain that were nagging me. So, when the movie ended I steeled my nerves.
I looked at him. “Dean, you said if I ever wanted to talk to just tell you.”
He nodded. “I did and I mean it. What is it?”
He turned the TV off and our phones were on the counter in the kitchen, so there was no distractions. I really wasn’t expecting that but I did appreciate it.
“Before, you said that…you mentioned you’ve never dated men before. I assume that you’ve at least been with a man in some sense to know you are bisexual. Right?”
He took a deep breath. “I haven’t dated guys but yeah, I’ve been with a man before. We didn’t date, it was more of a friends with benefits thing when I was younger. Honestly, at the time I was curious but unsure. He wasn’t. So, he basically let me explore that side of myself with him.”
“So, it was just sex?”
“Yeah.”
I was slightly confused. “Are you still friends?”
His seemed to frown a bit. “Yeah, he and I are still friends and talk sometimes. Sasha was a safe choice for me to explore with. He’s been in a relationship for years now. He’s a great person and I hope you can meet him. Does it bother you that I haven’t dated a guy before?”
“I didn’t catch the wording until after you’d left and by then it was too late to ask.” I paused and ducked my head some. “I just…it made me wonder if you really did want to date me. Made me wonder if you’d even been with a man before and were certain you’re bi.”
He smiled and moved some of my hair. “I’m certain. Dating to me is the same process and reason, no matter the gender - to learn about the other person and see if you click. I also prefer more personal dates than impersonal.”
“Like these?”
“Yeah. Where we’re having homemade meals and conversations that are easier than what you might have in a restaurant.” He paused briefly. “Would you be asking me this question if we weren’t alone?”
“No,” I admitted.
He smiled and laid his hand on my knee. “I know that dating you is right. If you want the wine and dine thing we can do that as well. I mean, our first date was a dance.”
I smiled. “Indeed it was.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Are you okay that I still talk to Sasha?”
I had to take a moment and consider my answer. He was admitting that he still talked to someone he’d been sexually involved with. Would that mean he would cheat on me with him? He had also said this person was in a relationship with someone else.
“I don’t see any reason for me not to be okay with it. You admitted you still talk to him. I don’t have a problem with it.”
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay with us being friends. I’ve been cheated on and it’s not a pleasant feeling.”
I was a bit startled. “You have?”
“Yeah. The last girl that I was with cheated on me with a friend of hers, I had no idea until I caught her.”
I tilted my head some. “You didn’t mention your previous relationships. Have they all been longer term?”
He paused for a moment. “For the most part, I guess. At least six months. I’ve had some dates that were just one or two but didn’t go beyond that. Mostly in school but even after. I had a few one night stands after the last one but it just didn’t feel right to me.”
“Mine always end up with him leaving.” I casted my eyes down, picking at some fuzz on my pants. I felt the sofa shift and then he was right there lifting my head so I had to look at him.
“I’m not them. You deserve to be happy. I can’t guarantee we’ll be great together but I feel like we will be.”
He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips followed by a few more and I couldn’t say I wanted him to stop, because we really hadn’t made out since the reunion and I rather liked that. I felt the slight tug on my shirt and realized our legs were in the way of me getting any closer to him. He seemed to read my mind because he pulled back and moved, sitting in the center of his sofa. Well, I wasn’t going to ignore that invitation. Moving into his lap wasn’t as awkward as it was the first time.
I saw his tongue dart across his lips as I moved and his hands went to my thighs. I didn’t mind, just moved back to those lips. He moved across my jaw line, planting kisses across to my ear and I felt a slight nip on my ear as well. I was sure that the moan was me. I was kind of lost. I could feel his hands on my back but as he moved down my neck I became aware that his right hand was underneath the waistband of my pants and even teasing the band on my underwear.
That startled me. “Dean…stop.”
Honestly, I didn’t expect him to. So when his hands moved to my sides quickly I was surprised.
“Castiel? You look a little pale, are you okay?” Concern was etched on every feature of his face from the crinkle of his eyes to the softness of his expression.
“I…Uh…”
Shit! I couldn’t deny my own erection and I was sure he could feel that as well, but the thoughts in my head were causing that to evaporate really quickly. Memories of how Robert had tried but always got mad when I said no.
“Cas?”
He seemed concerned and his voice didn’t register being upset or mad that I had stopped him.
“I’m sorry.”
I started to move but he put his arms around me and drew me closer to him.
“What’s wrong? I felt you tense up when I put my hand under your waistband. Are you okay? Talk to me Cas.”
“You don’t seem mad that I stopped you.”
He moved his hands to cup my face gently. “Course I’m not, Cas. I kinda want to know what’s up though, I don’t want to do anything that could upset you.”
“It’s kind of embarrassing.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be.”
“You might laugh at me.”
He leaned up and kissed me gently. “I promise I won’t.”
It felt…safe. He wasn’t pushing me to answer, not really. He was promising not to laugh, he hadn’t even gotten mad and I was sure he was just as hard as I was as well. I wet my lips and could see his eyes watch me.
“I’m a virgin.”
He didn’t laugh at all. His face registered shock for a moment though, before his features softened.
“There’s nothing embarrassing about that, Castiel. Do you mind me asking why? I know you’ve had some relationships in the past.”
“I never felt comfortable enough for some reason or another. I’m not saying I’ve never done anything at all. I’ve given and received hand and blow jobs before. Just….never more than that.”
“Thanks for telling me. Please, if there is anything that makes you uncomfortable let me know.”
I felt like melting into a puddle in his lap. He let me move freely and I recaptured those lips of his. While his hands roamed, he kept them on my thighs, hips or back. It really helped. It felt like he truly did care about how I felt. But even midday make out sessions were interrupted by the need for food. I was slightly disappointed that I had to move. After wards we got to curl up and enjoy another movie. It was pleasant to be here and not fear he would try to push me into anything.