POV: Dean
June 15, 2003
I was in the garage entirely too early but this car needed to be done by noon. It needed a new transmission and a new motor, so it was a huge job. I was glad that Dad and Sam came in to help, Dad staying late and Sammy staying the night.
I’d called Cas from my office last night and discovered that sharing a bed with Cas was much better than with Sam.
I heard my door open and close but didn’t expect breakfast to be delivered in the form of a bacon, egg and cheese muffin.
“Thanks.”
He nodded. “You didn’t eat anything before coming down. How is it going?”
“Good, connections all lined up and it’s just attaching and filling the fluids up.”
“Okay, take a moment to eat.”
I washed my hands first and then ate breakfast with Sam.
“I miss you being in town a lot.”
“I know you do, but I’ll be done soon. I’ve already interviewed with a local law firm and they want me to join when I’m finished.”
I smiled. “You mean you aren’t staying in Cali?”
“No way. This is home.”
I finished up breakfast and got back to work. Sam helped as we worked.
“So…you gonna tell me about Cas or not?”
I looked at him confused. “How did you know about Cas and I?”
He grinned big. “You just told me. You did mention attending his high school reunion. I assumed that went well and I sort of heard you talking on the phone last night. So, you and Cas are dating?”
“Sneaky bitch.”
“Jerk.”
I gave him my best cheesy grin. “Yes, we are. We treat the dance as a first date. I’m taking him out Tuesday too. Not entirely sure what I am doing yet though.”
“You? Not sure?”
I reconnected a line and tested it before moving on. “Yeah. I mean…he likes any type of food but he’s more into rabbit food like you. I’m not a rabbit. Most of the places I know are burger joints and bars.”
“Wait…you actually want to sort of cater to what he likes?”
He sounded astonished and confused and I looked at him, seeing that shocked face.
“You make it sound like I never did that.”
“You haven’t. Actually, I can’t even remember you arranging a date yourself, except with maybe…Danelle.”
“I set up plenty with her, but she liked burgers.”
“Well, I can help you find a place that will sort of fit both of you. I know a few vegan restaurants near here and I can recommend them. I swear Dean, you’ll find something there you like as well.”
“Greatly appreciated.”
He helped when he could and when Sasha called at ten he answered long enough to say yes and he’d order the pizza and wings.
“What’s up?”
“Sasha’s coming over. Does…Cas know about him?”
“Yeah.”
I’d been really concerned with Sasha being a friend still because Cas seemed to have such a negative view on relationships. He tried to hide it but his actions and words made me wonder what exactly his past boyfriends had been like. He seemed so shy. Sasha had known he was gay his whole life and maybe while he was here I’d ask him about some things.
The car was done at 11:45. I needed to test drive it so I volunteered to run and get more drinks and snacks. Sam remained at the shop in case I needed him to come get me. The car drove well and I went to the store across town so I could get a good feel.
Before heading back I called Cas, he answered on the second ring.
“Hello, Dean.”
“Hey, Cas. I wanted to give you a heads up that Sam and Sasha will be at my place today.”
I didn’t want anyone else to tell him that Sasha was there, because I know he seemed to have problems with that. His self-confidence was clearly shot.
“That’s good.”
I could tell that there was a dip in his voice.
I shifted in the seat. “If you’d prefer you can come over as well.”
“No, Dean. That’s not necessary. I’m almost done with the edits and I think Charlie and Sierra are coming over this afternoon for dinner. You didn’t have to call me to tell me.”
“Yeah, I did. I’d rather you hear it from me than someone else. Do I get to read this draft or are you going to be mean?”
There was a chuckle. “Sorry, you’ll have to wait like Charlie. Thank you for telling me.”
“You’re welcome. The car’s done; I think I managed to escape severe injury. If you’re up for it, maybe lunch tomorrow?”
I could almost hear his smile through the phone. “I would like that. Would you like me to pick something up and come to you?”
“You don’t have to; I can grab something and come to you.”
“You have a business. I’ll come to you.”
There was a part of my brain that supplemented the ‘to’ in his sentence with a ‘for’. I really wish that had been the sentence.
“Text me when you leave and I’ll be ready.”
“Have a good time with Sam and Sasha.”
“I’ll try. I’ll see you tomorrow and talk to you later.”
“Looking forward to it.”
We never really said goodbye when we hung up, it didn’t feel like that. I returned to the garage and by then Sasha’s car was here and they were already set up. I changed in the bathroom to get out of the greasy clothes and then joined them. For about an hour it was catch up time between us. Sasha was asking Sam how Cali was and how classes were going, even asked a few legal questions. Sam meanwhile asked about Sasha’s art.
Sasha did auto body detailing including elaborate paint jobs. Not a high requirement in the town but he had plenty of business with out of state customers as well as general boring paint jobs. He’d said Baby needed flames or stripes but I just couldn’t do that to her. He’d repainted her black for me when I wrecked her years ago.
“So, Sasha…did Dean tell you he was seeing someone new?” Sam asked.
Sasha looked shocked. “No! He did not! Dean! Really? Who’s the lucky lady?”
I felt the little blush already. “We’ve been dating since the middle of May. Castiel is his name and he is not a lady.”
“He, huh? Since May?”
“Yeah. You’ve probably seen him once or twice here, the guy that always wears the trench coat.”
“Oh! I remember him. Did you get the balls to finally ask him or did he finally ask you?”
“He came to get his car and Charlie was bugging him. Turns out he had a reunion and didn’t want to go alone. I volunteered and then he came back and asked me if I was free. So, we attended his reunion together.”
“And?”
“When I dropped him off he sort of asked me to stay. I went there for two weekends and he spent last weekend here.”
“Wait…you just got invited in like that on the first date?” Sam asked.
“Yep.”
Sasha appeared thoughtful. “You said you were invited in and spent the night, but you didn’t say things got sexual. I know you don’t care if Sam hears or knows.”
“Hey! I don’t need details.” Sam said.
“Don’t worry, Sam. We actually haven’t gone far in that area. I actually wanted to talk to you, and hell, even Sam, about that.”
“That’s cool. Let’s finish the food first.” Sam said.
We finished eating and then moved to crash in the living room. Sam stretched out on the bean bag and left the couch for Sasha and I. My living space wasn’t big enough for more than a couch and a bean bag chair or two.
“So, let’s start with how those weekends went?” Sasha asked.
Sammy agreed with that and I considered it for a moment.
“They were good, really good. He’s a great cook and he loves my cooking as well. He’s a great writer and I know you both know that. We’ve had a good time and we’ve watched movies and shows. I’ve helped with naming a new character in the next book, one he hasn’t turned in yet to be reviewed.”
“Sounds like it’s all good. What do you have questions about then?” Sam asked.
I picked at a spot on my pants for a moment. “Well, for starters his high school years were not pleasant and mostly because of his sexual preference. He’s really hard on himself and I didn’t have that experience because I didn’t even think I was bi until after high school. I’m not sure if I should ask him about what happed or if I should let him approach it.”
Sam looked to Sasha and he was quiet for several minutes.
Sasha tilted his head briefly. “Were they bullies?”
“One of his reasons for not going was that not many people were nice to him. Honestly, he didn’t talk too many of them and there were several he straight up avoided.”
“Probably the ones that were the worst. I’d let him open that can. I still haven’t told Jordan about the bullies I had. He’s mentioned two but no details.
We’ve been together two years, it’s just something we don’t want to open up about. But, if you think it’s causing problems then I’d ask.”
Sam nodded. “I like that advice, James had bullies and he didn’t care to discuss it either. He eventually did because he needed to, to move forward. Not everyone does.”
“He ran into an ex-boyfriend at the reunion.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
Sam nodded and I shrugged.
“He admitted he was an ex and that it wasn't a good relationship. Based on his actions at the reunion I figure he was abusive physically but he hasn’t said much else and I’m not sure about asking either.”
They both frowned but it was Sam that spoke. “Is the guy still around?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Let him make that decisions, Dean. We’ve both seen some abusive relationships and sometimes it’s easier to forget.”
“He doubts things and he’s said more than once that guys don’t stay. It seems like all of his relationships ended that way — with them leaving. We haven’t talked about past relationship details. Sasha, he know about you and I and he knows you’re here.”
He smiled. “I’m actually proud of you for telling him about me and for letting him know I’m here. Did he seem upset it?”
“No.”
“Good.”
“Uh…you two..?” Sam asked.
“Come on Sam, you knew.” Sasha said.
He rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t sure it was actually real though. I guess it was.”
“It was. I think it sounds like maybe he’s got some self-confidence issues and it’ll improve overtime. I’m sure it will.” Sasha said.
“Agreed. Lisa was pretty hard on herself but you were good with her.”
“Yeah. I’ll try my best.”
Sam diverted us to a potential girlfriend of his that he’d met, but wasn’t sure and at about four o’clock he got ready to head out. We’d covered girls, cars, sports, and future plans until he left. After he was gone I sat down with Sasha.
“You have this look about you that says you have some more questions.”
I looked at him. “I know how Sammy is and I appreciate his inputs but Sam isn’t bi and he has no experience with men in this capacity.”
“But he is smart.”
“I can’t deny that. But, yeah there are some things I didn’t ask because I wasn’t sure if he’d really have a good insight despite how smart he is.”
“He probably would but come on, lay it on me.”
I took a deep breath. “We were here last week and in a heavy make out session. My hand went under his waistband and he froze.”
“Did he say why?”
“Yeah. I believe his reason but I’m sure you understand why I can’t tell you.”
He smiled. “You were always really good about knowing what to say and not to say. I understand. But, I have a question. Has he ever mentioned sexual assaults?”
“No. Nothing like that. I just…I wanted to know how I should approach that topic or how to move it to other things.”
He just smiled. “Do you remember the first time you asked me about sex with men?”
It wasn’t hard to remember that conversation, I was eighteen and had just graduated high school.
Sasha and I had been friends for years now and well, I wanted to ask but fuck I was nervous as hell. I had drunk three beers already and I was just wondering when and how to ask.
“Dude, you look like you have a question.”
I finished off the fourth beer and looked at him. “What’s it like?”
His brow rose. “What is what like? You gotta be a little more specific than that Dean.”
I felt the flush of heat and purposefully looked down at my lap. “Sex, with men. What’s it like?”
“Ladies man Dean Winchester wants to know what sex with a man is like? Am I hearing this correct?”
“Yes, asshole.”
He grinned. “You’re on a start there.”
“Sasha.” I grumbled.
“Wait…you’re serious?”
“Wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”
I felt him move. “The question is why are you asking now?”
I looked over at him. “Maybe I’m just curious.”
“Or maybe you’ve seen something interesting that you want.”
I couldn’t even deny that I had. “Maybe I just want to see.”
“So what are you asking for Dean?”
“I’m asking what it feels like, good? Bad?”
I felt his hand move onto my knee and trail slowly up my leg. “If it were bad, I wouldn’t be into it.”
I was nervous as hell at both the prospect and what it could mean, but I could feel his hand on my inner thigh and he squeezed kind of hard.
“So, you want to know…It’s great. It’s fantastic. It’s how you describe your encounters with women. Semantics are the same Dean.”
His hand moved so damn close but he stopped.
“Why are you stopping?”
I felt warm air across my neck and then a slight nip to my ear. “Because if you want to do this with me, you’ll be completely sober.”
“I remember I was a bit drunk and you turned me down that first time because of it.”
He laughed. “Yes, you were when you asked and yes I did. I wanted to make damn sure you were serious! But you hadn’t ever had sex with a man, hell at that point the only naked men you’d ever seen was in the showers at school. You were nervous and afraid. Come on, you still remember the first time. You were nervous about being horrible, nervous about everything. Even you and I had to take baby steps.”
“He just…I don’t know man. I don’t think it’s bad but I just…”
“Baby steps, Dean.”
“And if I don’t want to?”
“Then I’ll slap you. If he’s not comfortable then it won’t be good for either of you. I’ve seen Cas and he’s got a nice ass and I can totally understand wanting to cross home base soon. But, dude, it sounds like he’s had some assholes for boyfriends before and just needs to know that you do care for him. That you don’t want to rush things. It’ll be worth it in the end, believe me. We didn’t and didn’t that make it better?”
I sighed. “Yeah, it did. Fine. I’ll be patient and shit. Guess I’ll just use my hand until then.”
“Do I need to slap you?”
I was confused on that. “For what?!”
“I don’t need that image in my mind Dean.”
“Sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
“So, let me change routes. How do I boost his confidence?”
He smiled. “By being you, by calling him and complimenting things, setting up dates. Come on man, I saw Sam’s recommendations on restaurants. That’s how you do it. He’ll come around.”
“I miss him so much already. I feel like this is some chick flick.”
He laughed deep and loud for several moments before he calmed.
“Naa, sounds like love to me.”
I glared at him. Love? Not right now. He stayed another hour before he left. His boyfriend had called and wanted him home for dinner. I heated up some leftovers and settled on the sofa. I didn’t know much about Cas’s past but I know that he deserved so much better than the asshole from the reunion.
I called him around seven; I was already showered and ready for bed. I knew he’d be ready as well.
“Hello Dean.”
“Cas. How was your afternoon? Did your edits go well?”
“They did. I have them done and I’ll start a final read tomorrow and resubmit when I am done. I also made some progress on the new book.”
“That’s great news! I’m glad you were able to get some work done.”
“How did your afternoon go? Sam and Sasha okay?”
“They are and it went well. We had pizza and wings for lunch and talked about sports, jobs, and even you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. They both were curious about how we started to date and Sasha didn’t even know about you, so I told him.”
“It’s good for them to know.”
I settled back on the pillows some. “I think you should meet them when you’re ready.”
“I have seen Sam a few times, but we didn’t really talk. I’m not sure about Sasha.”
“You’ve seen him a few times as well; he does the painting for cars. Owns a shop across town.”
“Is his last name Brown?”
“Yes.”
“I have seen him and we’ve talked briefly. I believe he was commenting that your car needed flames or stripes.”
I sighed. “I swear he keeps pushing me for that and I am not doing it. Baby is destined to be that shiny black.”
“I told him she looked better in black anyway. I believe he scoffed and said something about me sucking up to you.”
I chuckled. “So, would you want to meet them?”
“Your friends and family?”
“Yes.”
He was quiet for several moments. “I think I would like that. You already know some of my friends.”
“But not any of your family.”
“He…um…I can see if they’d be willing.”
“Understandable. We usually do this Fourth of July party in the park and well, I think it would be good for us. Charlie and everyone are invited too.”
“I think that will be doable and I will see if Gabriel can attend. I wouldn’t hold my breath though.”
“I hope he does come.”
I heard the yawn on his end and giggled. “Go to bed Castiel. You sound tired.”
“But then I can’t talk to you.”
“You’ll see me tomorrow. But you do sound tired.”
Even with me saying it, we still talked another thirty minutes before he had to go. He was falling asleep on me. I laid my phone down and crashed myself.