I woke up to the smell of coffee; it seemed to waft through the entire cabin. I turned and sat up, spotting Castiel in front of the fireplace, with a kettle over the fire. In the daylight the cabin was very airy and bright, the dark tones off set with the lighter furniture and the decor. The windows showed a vast snowy wilderness outside, the windows had curtains but they were currently pulled aside.
“Good morning, Castiel.”
He smiled. “Morning. Coffee is almost ready, a few more minutes.”
“No problem.”
I went to the bathroom, and then joined him in front of the fireplace where he was now pouring cups of coffee.
“It’s not what you’re used to, but it’s good.”
I took a sip carefully, and well, this wasn’t bad. “It tastes good, better than the crap I have at my place.”
“It’s been good to me for a few years now. I’ll get breakfast started soon.”
We quietly sipped the coffee and warmed up from the inside out. Once he’d finished the first cup he got a refill and headed toward the kitchen. I wondered how he was going to cook given I didn’t see a stove anywhere. But I watched him gather a few ingredients before coming back.
“If you’re wondering, the fireplace is my stove. There is some electricity from a solar panel, and I have a hot plate for other cooking.”
I smirked. “Was I that obvious?”
“You’ve looked around a few times, and looked confused.”
I watched in awe as he cooked omelets on the fireplace without burning anything, and I was shocked they were so delicious.
“Man, this is amazing. I thought I was good at a grill, but this is way better.”
His cheeks flushed a bit. “I’ve learned to cook a lot of things.”
When breakfast was done, he turned toward me.
“I’d like to check on your leg, you’ve been walking okay but I want to make sure.”
“Okay.”
I had no shame as I got up and pulled the sweats down before I sat back down. He didn’t seem to be alarmed or anything, but he was very careful as he removed the bandage and checked the cut. His hands felt soft against my skin and his touch was warmer, which was normal as most shifters ran warmer.
“You said you hadn’t shifted. I presume you weren’t kidding about that? You didn’t shift in the woods when you were injured.”
“I’ve never been able to. I can feel my inner wolf, and can feel it wants out. I’ve never had the ability to actually do it. It’s frustrating because my younger brother has shifted already.”
“Joshua was in his mid-twenties before he shifted. It’s not uncommon. Alright, I feel like you need a day before you can walk well. You’re healing fast but it’s a long way back.”
“Presume I couldn’t just ride.”
He stared at me. “I’m a wolf, Dean. Not a horse. Bringing you back was really dangerous with you unconscious but I didn’t have many options.”
“Your fur was really soft and smelled good.”
He blinked at me. “I can’t say that anyone’s ever told me that before.”
“I’m getting the impression you don’t have a lot of people you trust to touch you in that form.”
He nodded. “You’re right. There are very few people that I allow to touch me.”
I got up and fixed my pants. “So, what do you do all day out here in the middle of the woods?”
He sat back. “That depends. Some days I read, some days I adventure into the woods all day. For the most part I write.”
“You did buy a lot of paper. What do you write?”
He grinned. “I’m an author with a very well established series. I write mostly during the winter months when I can’t do much else. It allows me the summer
months to do other things. I would tell you about the series, but I’m not going to.”
“Well, you could.” I gave him the best puppy dog eyes I had.
“Sorry.”
I pouted. “No fun. You mentioned a storage space, for what?”
“It’s storage for supplies and extra grocery items that won’t perish. I spend a lot of summers canning and preparing for the winter months.”
“Do you live closer to town during the summer?”
He shook his head. “No. I stay here.”
“Do you get lonely up here?”
His blue eyes directed to the fire for several moments before they came back to my face. “I do sometimes. But I know where my pack mates live and I go to them when it gets bad. Likewise, they come here sometimes.”
“I’d be bored, really bored.”
He nodded. “I get bored too.”
“So, you were going to explain things today. There were several things to discuss. Like you watching me but not saying hi.”
He tended to the fire for several minutes, maybe thinking, maybe figuring out how much to say. Whatever it was I let him ponder and think while he added wood and moved around pieces. He then sat back down and turned lightly toward me.
“We get a lot of shifters up here, and not all of them are good. There is a large forest here and this area is very tolerant of shifters, as you’ve seen. The States varies on whether acceptance is truly given. I have to be careful who knows about us and our pack. My pack has to be careful as well. We have to know that new shifters aren’t here to cause problems like Alistair.”
“You could have asked me, I would have told you why I was here.”
He smiled slightly. “Others have told me they were good and would be an asset to the pack. But after watching them we found they were doing illegal things and were not the type of people we wanted. I could have asked you, but I didn’t need an answer from you. I needed to know for sure.
I couldn’t blame him for that, it was to keep his pack safe. It was to ensure that new shifters weren’t here simply to do harm and take over a prime spot. A good Alpha did that. Of course there were alphas like my father, who kicked out his own son for being bisexual.
“So, you’ve what, watched me for weeks as I looked for you?”
His head tilted some, “Sorry.”
“So how do you know Asa?”
“He knew my father. They were friends before my father passed. We’ve kept in contact because he lives in the city. He tells the canoe shop owner if anything is amiss. I knew you were coming the first time, long before you got here. He warns me of any shifters that come this way. Most of the shop owners know to tell him if any unknown shifter shows up.”
I took a few minutes to process that.
“So, even if I hadn’t met him you would have known about me?”
“Yes.”
I chuckled. “That’s actually awesome.”
“He hasn’t told me much about you though. Where did you come from?”
“Lawrence, Kansas. It’s in the Midwest. I drifted for several weeks trying different areas of the States. I understand the need for safety because some of the
packs there were open, and some were not. Some areas were very tolerant of shifters while other areas were free of shifters because the town was that bad.”
He nodded slightly. “This isn’t saying Canada doesn’t have those issues but for the most part things are better. But like with the rouge, we have to be careful.”
“How many are in your pack?”
“There are about seven of us. We’re a small pack.”
“The pack that I was with had a lot more.”
His brow rose. “But you aren’t there with that pack.”
I glanced at the fire to avoid the stare he was giving. The underlying question was why I wasn’t. Had I left on my own? Had I been kicked out for some reason? I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know, but at the same time I knew that telling him the truth now would let him know why and maybe earn some trust.
“I was exiled from the pack at the beginning of summer.”
His brow rose, concern laced his features. “Exiled?”
Normally when a pack member was exiled it was because they were causing harm to the pack or their actions would negatively impact the pack.
“Yes, the pack alpha was my father.”
It didn’t eliminate the concern from his face, it seemed to make it worse.
“I’m almost afraid to ask why your own father would exile you.”
I fiddled with the tail end of my shirt and the fuzzy pieces of the pants I was wearing. “He knew that I was dating women but he didn’t know about the men. I kept that part of me a secret. At the beginning of summer he caught me with my boyfriend, Lee. We were way past third base and he wasn’t happy about it.”
“And that was the reason to exile you? Because you were with a man?”
I dipped my head. “I knew that my dad wasn’t necessarily friendly toward people who were into the same sex. I’d seen his response to a few others but he was never that bad. Once I got back home he told me to get the fuck out and we argued.”
“He was going to throw you out just for that?”
“There was an argument that had some pretty choice words. Some of the things he said weren’t very great. He made it clear how he felt about gay men. He told me to pack my bags and get out, that I was no longer welcome in the pack and that I wouldn’t be welcomed back.”
“I suppose the language was homophobic?”
“Yeah. I didn’t think he would exhile me from the pack, but he did. I left that evening. I wanted to bring my brother with me, and he would have come, but he needed to finish school, he needed to be somewhere stable. I knew I wouldn’t be. Without a pack and not able to find one, I’ll have to go home and beg him to let me back. I don’t want to hide that part of myself but a lone wolf doesn’t suit me.”
“Not when you can’t shift, it’s dangerous. Asa wouldn’t mind if you stuck around though.”
“I know. I’ve just been in a pack my whole life and I miss it. I miss the runs, and always having someone to turn to.”
He chuckled. “The runs?”
“I tried, okay? My pack mates were good, they understood and I wasn’t the only one. We’d go with them but obviously they were faster.” I paused, remembering those runs. “Usually Sammy stayed close even when he shifted. Sometimes Lee would hang around. It’s just different without a pack.”
“Mine isn’t conventional and never has been. Even when my father was the pack alpha it wasn’t that close knit. Lot of members left for other packs and
easier alphas to deal with. I haven’t seen a need to have a huge pack like some do.”
“My father wanted a big pack.”
“I like close knit. But, as you can see I’m a loner.”
I gestured around. “Clearly.”
It grew quiet as we both reflected on the topics. He tended to the fire and I wondered if there would be a point in returning to the woods anymore. Sure, he watched me but it didn’t seem like Castiel wanted new pack members and he hadn’t mentioned any names to his pack members. So, he was keeping their identity a secret.
“You’re brooding.”
“Am not.”
He glanced at me and raised a brow. I shrugged. I was grateful he saved my ass last night but if he’d just told me sooner, then I wouldn’t have stuck around so long. But realistically my options were slim. If I left Vancouver then I would simply have to go back home and beg my father to let me back. I’d tried packs in the States. None were for me. But going back means that I’d have to shove that part of myself that was attracted to men deep down and never let it come back. I’d have to hide that part of myself and there was no guarantee he would even let me come back.
He had said some awful things and it was clear he wouldn’t ever forgive me for that. Even Sammy had said he didn’t ask about me and he didn’t seem down and out that I was gone either.
“I still think you’re brooding.”
“Thinking, your place is very quiet.”
He shifted in his seat. “What happened to your boyfriend? Did he not come with you?”
“He was exiled later on. He didn’t come with me though, left on his own. It took a few weeks.”
His brows creased and he looked confused. “So your father sent you out right away but not him?”
I nodded. “I have no idea where he went or if he’ll go back there.”
“Could he shift?”
“He could, yes. He was dark brown with white marks on his chest and at the base of his tail.”
“What about your brother?”
“Sammy is a golden brown color with a few patches of silver on his back. Our father’s dark brown and Mom was a white wolf.”
“White? Those are very rare.”
“She was killed because of her color. Some hunter saw a white wolf and never thought it would be a shifter. Dad wasn’t the same after that.”
“My mother was also killed by hunters, my father was…worse after that. He wanted secrecy and protection for us.”
“Is it just you or do you have any siblings?”
“No, I have an older brother named Gabriel, but I haven’t seen him in years. He and Dad had a big argument about the secrets and privacy. Gabe was a social
person.”
I tilted my head. “Was your father not very social?”
He got up and put another log in. “Dad was…social when Mom was around. He was always more partial to being alone with family. But the packs lived closer together and were more social when she was alive. After she was killed he withdrew more from society. He actually built this cabin, and I’ve just added some modern things in. He wouldn’t allow pack members to really socialize with society. He wanted us all private and secure and safe.”
“Man, that sounds like a good thing.”
He nodded some. “It was but it’s not for everyone. Most of the members left because they wanted interactions with people outside the pack, Dad forbid it. I hadn’t met anyone but pack members until he passed, it was alarming. I didn’t do well at all the first several times I went to town. I was awkward and not sure how to talk to people. Asa said my people skills were rusty.”
“Asa may be right.”
“He came to me after Dad passed. Gabriel had been gone for several years at that point; he came back for the funeral service but didn’t stay long.”
“You seemed okay when I saw you.”
“I’ve had years of practice. But Squamish is about as far as I go. The woods are home.”
“I can relate, until Dad kicked me out I hadn’t been anywhere outside of pack territory.”
I wasn’t getting an offer but it was clear that Castiel cared about his pack and he cared about their safety. I understood why he wasn’t tossing out invites now. He resumed his seat but the silence filled the room again.
Honestly, it was pleasant since being in town had noise all the time. It was one thing I liked about the forest here, it was quiet and serene. As the day passed we talked more about his wolf and the unique coloring. He had no idea why his wolf showed in rainbow colors. It gave him a magical quality I liked. We talked about Sammy and my ex-pack.
He cooked meals and did a fantastic job cooking with nothing but a fireplace and hot plates. But I guess he had to know how to cook and had been taught. I was certain he would burn the daylights out of anything given an electric or gas stove.
I wasn’t looking forward to going back to town. Who knew if or when I’d ever see another shifter again? But, I couldn’t stay here with him forever, and he hadn’t invited that type of company. So the next morning we made the trip back to the canoe which was still there. It sucked returning home.
Before he pushed the canoe off the bank for me he did invite me back the next weekend. I was shocked but accepted the offer.