POV: Castiel
November 17, 2003
Dean’s alarm was before mine because he now had to drive to the shop. His alarm was jarring and loud, but it was usually me who finally got him up. This morning was no different. He grumbled as he went to get coffee and I followed, Dean was not a morning person for sure. I started the coffee pot while he got eggs and bacon.
“Any plans for today?” I asked.
“Unless a bunch of customers come in it’s dealing with paperwork and insurance companies.”
The fire department had allowed us to enter the building last Wednesday. The stairs and the two storage rooms before them were obliterated. The kitchen from above was now in those rooms, so there was barely anything from that area that was salvageable. They allowed us up with a ladder and together we got whatever he could. He was able to save the things he valued most, which was good. But it couldn’t diminish what he lost. Wednesday had been rough. Once we got back for the last trip and things were put either in storage or the laundry room, I had pulled him to the bedroom, stripped him and then myself as slowly as possible and then lay with him for hours. He needed it, even if he would never ask me for that.
“Want me to deal with them?”
“I can, I just…I don’t know. I’m not even sure the second floor can be salvaged at all.”
I drew him to me for a moment, ignored the bacon.
“No rush Dean. You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you want.”
He laid his head on my shoulder for a few moments before he finished cooking breakfast. It was nice that he accepted the comfort, even if briefly.
“Is Sasha still coming over today?”
“He is. He said to expect him about eleven and he was bringing Chinese. Forbade me to even attempt to cook.”
He smiled. “I thought he mentioned it or you did.”
Once breakfast was eaten and the dishes were in the sink he changed into work clothes and headed out. I tidied up a little bit and then answered both fan and work emails. The producer wanted to talk after the New Year, but didn’t want me to stop working on the book. My publisher wanted to do a book signing but with a broken arm I couldn’t. So, she was trying to consider possible alternatives or maybe doing a New Year tour versus now.
Once that was complete I made sure there were drinks in the fridge and laid down some snacks just in case. At almost eleven the doorbell rang and before I opened it, I checked out the little side window and the peep hole before I opened the door.
“Glad you checked,” he said.
“Hello Sasha. Dean has been drilling it into my head to check. Can I get anything?”
His head shook. “I got it, point me to the table. Dean also said you have to try the orange chicken, as it’s what I dropped off for him.”
“I will and I wondered why he didn’t take a lunch with him.”
“I don’t think he intended to have lunch, he didn’t know I was coming by. Meg messaged me and asked me to swing by.”
I frowned. “Was there a problem?”
Sasha had known Dean a lot longer than me; maybe he had picked up on a problem that I hadn’t.
“Not really. He’s just down and really Cas, you’re doing a great job at keeping him settled. He’s not a huge talker and he’s reserved. Dragging his feelings out of him is like pulling teeth.”
He sat the bags down on the table and began to unpack boxes; I got the proper plates, silverware, and drinks before we sat down for lunch. He made sure I had some orange chicken which was delicious.
“Thank you for saving me.”
He looked at me. “No problem. You’re welcome. He shouldn’t have been inside.”
It was quiet as we both ate but I wondered…
“Dean’s mentioned you had similar problems with bad relationships but no details. He mentioned last week you took defense classes after that.”
He finished with the bite he’d just taken. “It was and wasn’t similar. I’ve been in relationships that had abusive elements both physical and mental. I haven’t had one like what he did to you, especially when he’s acting like he loves you or something. I’m starting to think he really is gay and can’t handle it.”
I raised a brow. “He was pretty clear he wasn’t. He was with a woman when I caught him.”
“But didn’t he want to go farther with you?”
“Yes.”
Sasha cleared another bite. “You said no, she most likely said yes.” A swallow of cola was taken. “But look at Dean. He was eighteen before he showed any interest in men. Even after we stopped, which was because he got a girlfriend, he was with women. Until you showed up.”
I blinked. “Me?”
“Yes, you. He told me about seeing you the first day you showed up. Gave me a full body description but complained because your trench coat hides your backside. He told me once he thought you were flirting but he didn’t think men would really look at him and be interested. He was about as nervous as you for the reunion.”
I tilted my head and finished my own bite. “I didn’t know that.”
“He wanted to seem confident. He wanted you to have a good time and enjoy yourself. I guess you showed interest by inviting him in after the first date.”
I felt the blush warm up my face.
“To be fair, that wasn’t my initial plan and some of that was Robert related.”
“I’m glad you did Castiel. Abusive relationships can impact us deeply for years, you were sure that it would end at three months. Do you still think
Dean’s leaving at three months?”
I blinked, unaware that Sasha even knew about that.
“No. I’m in pretty new territory myself. Robert is the only one that lasted more than three or four months, but I can’t compare this to that, because Dean is nothing like him.”
“You do though, even though you don’t mean to. Dean letting you use his phone was new, trusting you was new. I mean, don’t be mad but I am thinking you may be a virgin. He mentioned the first time his hand went underneath the waistband you freaked a bit. He said you told him why and he understood and it took me some time but I figured that was it. He told me that because he wasn’t sure how to approach the topic with you. He didn’t want to over step something, upset you, or hurt you. Remember, Dean may as well have been a virgin when he approached me. And Cas, he approached me because he trusted me.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about him telling anyone else.”
He laid the fork down and looked at me. “He didn’t outright say it Castiel. My point was you don’t have to be afraid of things with Dean. Just talk. As for telling me, he wanted to protect you and to protect the relationship at that moment. He didn’t want you to run away. He’s still afraid of that. He asked me if you guys should expand and said he had a plan for your birthday. I told him to watch you, see how you responded to him. I told him if you didn’t like it, you would tell him.”
I felt the blush get darker. I still wasn’t sure about him telling someone else.
“I don’t generally fear anything with him. It’s weird. I feel comfortable with him. I trust him. I mean, I pretty much moved him in. I don’t think I would have ever done that for the others. But, with him I feel safe. I just hope he feels the same way.”
He finished his chicken and looked at me. “He does Cas, he may not say it but he does. I mean I asked him several times about last Wednesday and when he didn’t answer, I finally called Thursday and he said you had him. That he was upset and you knew what he needed. Not sure I want to ask what that was.”
I shook my head. “Nothing sexual.”
“I figured that.”
“Is he really okay Sasha? You’ve known him longer.”
He sighed. “He’s stressed but anyone in his place would be.”
He had finished eating before me, but I was slow left handed eating.
“When do you get that off?”
I glanced at the cast. “Six weeks will be next Tuesday. I’m hoping it’s healed enough. They did an x-ray on Friday and he said things looked good. I’m just glad it wasn’t a complete break, mostly just a small fracture. It’s healing quickly though.”
“How’s adjusting to that cast?”
“I hate it. I can’t cuddle the way I want, I can’t really type fast anymore, I can’t write, and forget cooking. I can, but it’s slow going.”
He giggled. “It sucks but hey you get Dean to wait on you.”
“I try sometimes, but I don’t want to add any more to his plate.”
“Understandable.”
Once the food was cleared we moved to the living room. I wasn’t sure what to talk about really. I had questions but I wasn’t sure how Dean would feel about me asking them to Sasha. But honestly, I didn’t have anyone else to discuss such things with except Charlie and well, she wasn’t a man.
Sasha’s smile was more a smirk when he looked at me. “You look like the gears are in overdrive over there. Should I get the fire extinguisher?”
“No, I just…I have questions and I’m not sure how Dean would react to me asking you.”
“Are these general questions or more personal?”
I dipped my head some, couldn’t look him in the eyes. “More personal in nature.”
He considered it a moment. “I would say he’ll be okay with whatever you ask. Except for maybe asking me to do anything or asking me to divulge his deep dark secrets.”
“He has deep dark secrets?”
He laughed. “Not really, but hey if they slip I’ll say I got drunk on soda. Seriously Cas, how about this. Ask whatever you want, if I feel like Dean may have a problem then I’ll just refuse to answer it.”
“I would have still asked it though.”
He raised his hand. “I promise not to tell you if I refuse to answer. I’m pretty good with secrets Cas. I haven’t told anyone about yours.”
“Who would you tell?”
“True, but ask away.”
Shit, I expected that he wouldn’t want to talk about this for whatever reason. But, really, I wasn’t asking him to do anything but just advise.
“Your assumption about me being a virgin is right, it was why I freaked out a bit and I did tell Dean the reason.”
He nodded. “Like I said, he never outright said. In fact he told me he couldn’t and that I would understand. I did. It was something personal you said to him in confidence. I just guessed and some of that was personal observation.”
“Robert’s attack was the second time and both times he snapped because I refused to have sex with him. I never felt comfortable with him or the others for that matter.”
“So, you’ve pretty much said no because you weren’t comfortable?”
I nodded. “Right. Ironically the things I had done didn’t hurt or anything, it wasn’t horrible. Just something about it said not to.”
He paused a moment, maybe considered not saying anything, but then he looked at me. “There have been some guys that I’ve dated that I felt that way about; it’s a good instinct to have. I presume you don’t have that feeling with Dean?”
“Not really. Maybe at first, but not now.”
He nudged my knee with his foot. “It’s fine to be nervous, most are the first time. I’d say, talk to Dean. It’s the best and easiest way to settle nerves.”
“Is there anything else I can do to help him with this whole insurance thing?”
“You want the honest answer?”
I nodded. “Of course. I know what has been working but I also know the next week will be worse with insurance.”
“I would say anything to do with sex in any form. But you are kind of limited there Cas.”
“Even when the cast comes off it’s not going to be as easy.”
“Different positions, different places, and be adventurous.”
My place was certainly limited in places but maybe I could figure something out.
“Any idea if he’s keeping the garage or what?”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t think the second floor can be salvaged or kept but they haven’t really said it wasn’t. We did get everything that was salvageable out of the place. He was glad that Sam’s homemade things weren’t destroyed.”
“Yeah, I was worried about that. How did Sam take the news?”
“He wishes he could be here, so he could help. Dean’s probably texting him about legal things and I know his Dad was going to help out as well.”
He smiled. “Yeah, John was really good when he started the garage. He wasn’t always the easiest to get along with and he and Sam butted heads a lot.”
“Dean’s mentioned it a time or two.”
“Yep. So, I have to get to work at some point, do you want me to drop you off at the garage?”
“Think he would mind?”
He shook his head. “He may be in the garage but he’d never mind you being there.”
“I think I would like that. Let me change real quickly.”
I headed to the bedroom and just changed from my clothes into one of his clean overalls, despite his name being on them. When I came back to the front Sasha laughed.
“Dude, I meant to cheer him up with your presence, not give him a heart attack or a boner.”
I just smiled. “I’m ready though.”
He shook his head and got up. “If he blames me, I am blaming you.”
“Deal.”
The drive to the garage was quick and easy, no major traffic. He parked out front and it was sad to see his personal garage be closed down. But I told him I was checking the mail and would be in soon. I doubted he would remember the mail. He headed inside and I headed to the mailbox, checking it quickly and heading back. Meg stopped me just outside for a moment and I handed her the business mail and had a few moments of conversation before heading inside.
“Sasha! I am fine.”
I paused out of sight and waited, wondering what Sasha said that made him sound so irritated. His voice had been louder than normal and I could detect the irritation in his voice.
“You aren’t fine Dean. The least you could do is tell me what I can do. What do you need me to do?”
“I don’t need you to do anything.”
“Dean.”
“What I need you can’t give me Sasha.”
I wondered what he needed? I started to walk into the room but waited to see if Sasha would respond. I didn’t have to wait long.
“I’m sure I can.”
Dean sighed heavily. “What I want is to be fucked until I can’t breathe, until I can’t remember that my home has burned up and that I may not be able to rebuild. While I know you can do that, I would never do that to Cas. If he’s not ready for that it’s fine. But can you just back the fuck off?”
I heard Sasha gasp and I was sure I was stunned as hell. So much that I had to lean against the desk here. That’s what Dean wanted? Fuck, that was a picture I didn’t need.
“You know Dean, if you want that you should ask.”
Papers shuffled. “Why are you here?”
“Well, I dropped by to bring Cas by. He went to check the mail.”
I gave myself a few extra minutes before I got up; let my brain calm down and fuck let my cock calm some too. I then walked into his office and I could see Dean’s eyes grow wider. I was pretty sure that if I could see his lap there would be that boner Sasha mentioned. Sasha giggled and got up.
“I’m going back to work. You two get work done and I don’t mean each other.”
Dean scowled and I giggled but we did tell him bye.
“Did you try the orange chicken?”
I smiled. “It was amazing. We may get that on the way home.”
“It’ll be fine by me. But um, what’s with the outfit honey?”
I did a little spin. “I thought you might like it.”
“I’m not going to get much done with you wearing that.”
What I want is to be fucked until I can’t breathe.
The words hit me hard and I leaned against the side of the desk, which he watched intently.
“What do you have left to do?”
“I’ve called the insurance companies; they’re waiting on the reports from the police and fire department. Until then they can’t really do much. I called an engineer who is going to come out next week and see if the second floor can be saved.”
“And with the garage?”
“Everything. Benny and Kirk have the things in the garage itself, I just have to do the invoicing and make calls.”
“Get to it.”
He scoffed. “You’re distracting me.”
I stood up and moved to be standing in front of him and then I wiggled back onto the desk some.
“I’m not.”
He looked up from the chair and I saw his tongue dart across his lips, watched those emerald eyes roam up and down.
“Now you really are.”
“You could just use my legs as a desk.”
“Castiel.”
I tilted my head some and smirked. “I’ll move and help for a kiss.”
“Is that all?”
“Yeah.”
That at least got him standing and it showed this was very arousing to him, not that I minded when he was standing between my legs and his hands were on my thighs.
“Have I ever said how much I love these thighs?”
“A time or two.”
I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him a little closer.
“Impatient are we?”
“Maybe.”
His lips were a little cracked, but still soft against mine and I could still hear those words echoing in my head. What I want is to be fucked until I can’t breathe… I chased after his lips when he pulled back.
“You are such a tease. You know I need to get to work.”
I moved my hands to his waist. “But you feel better? You sounded tense with Sasha when I came in.”
“I do feel better, are you seriously staying?”
“Yep.”
He played with the collar of the shirt briefly. “In this?”
“Well, since I don’t have anything else on then yes I am staying in this.”
He groaned. “Killing me, Cas.”
I pulled him gently in for a kiss. “I’ll let you work.”
I did move so he could, to the other side and I helped where I could but otherwise I was just a quiet observer. But his words kept rolling around in my head. I’d actually never considered that I would be anything but the bottom in a relationship, not that I ever minded but I’d never considered being the top or even switching between them. His words implied he wanted to be the bottom and he had said it before. I could look stuff up but not here. I just mulled it over while I waited for him.
After he was done for the day we did get Chinese and then went home, but he wouldn’t let me change right away, instead choosing to remove the suit himself late that night. Not that I’d ever complain.