Chapter 45: Sierra
POV: Gabby
Word Count: 4153
September 25, 2009
I didn’t wake up until after nine. I hadn’t really slept all that well. I got dressed when I got up, electing to put on the pants because it was dipping in temperatures, it was fine to have a short sleeve shirt and I chose the don’t touch I bite one. I went down and found Sierra sitting at the table on her laptop, just looking up random things.
“What are you doing?”
She nearly fell out of the chair and knocked the cup completely off the table and I just raised an eyebrow and giggled.
“Sorry…”
“Shit! You scared the fuck out of me. Zac has a legit claim you became a ninja when you moved here!”
“It’s easier to move around here.”
She cleaned up the spilled water and looked at me. “That a promise?”
“For you, no. Because I know you’re going to touch me at some point during the day anyway.”
She just smiled. “So…I owe you a shopping day and I have been told I have to get Heather something for hers, I was a bad girlfriend.”
“You did not forget her birthday.”
“I told her and I remembered, but I didn’t get anything I did an IOU and I forgot it. So, I want to get her something and figured since we were out and about we could get baby stuff too.”
“Okay, mind if I get some food first?”
“Yeah, we’ll get it while we’re out.”
“Where is Heather?”
“She chose to check in today, she does it randomly from time to time. They had a new plan for the shelves and stuff last week, she wants to make sure there done.”
“I cannot believe she owns the adult store. Does she ever bring home stuff?”
“Yep mostly some of the very pricy ones to make sure there worth it or things she wants to bring in, but isn’t sure about quality. I’m not complaining.”
“Of course not.”
She got her wallet and she choose to drive. We headed to lunch first, she chose a nice place that had a lot of good options. I was impressed. We then went to an antique store where she found something super unique for Heather. We then headed to another like art and décor store.
“Zac mentioned something about not having anything for the walls of her room?”
“Right. We don’t have anything to decorate it with. We want simple though.”
“I came here because a few weeks ago I was here and I saw something I wanted to get but wasn’t sure on gender.”
We went inside and she had to look a bit, but finally found a set of three wall prints, they weren’t super huge. The center one had a flower with white, green and two shades of pink and then there were two that had a gray border with words and flowers. The left side had read me a story, tuck me in tight and the right side said say a sweet prayer and kiss me goodnight. It was simple, matched the theme.
“I like them.”
She added them to the cart and kept looking, finding another little pink picture with stars that said Dream big little one, that got put in the buggy too.
“You mention ballerinas?”
“I did. It’s girly but not like over the top. I want to avoid like Disney stuff.”
“So…you’re all creative and stuff what if you and I made something tonight?”
“Explain.”
“I saw this idea online this morning, it’s like a canvas with silhouette ballerina dancers, the tops are paints but the little tutu is like the tulle fabric with beads and flowers. I think it would be a good distraction for you and it’ll be something we can both do.”
“I like that idea. We can grab what we need from the arts and craft store I need to go by.”
“Speaking of…what if you made a second set with like the same concept?”
“What do you have in mind there?”
“Well, when you get a name you can do the first letter and then maybe do the ballerina theme, white on gray or whatever color you want.”
“Okay, we have lots of time so I think that would be good.”
I actually found a very nice piece for the hallway while there. We went by the arts store next, found the canvases I needed and the ones we would need for the projects. She then got the little pieces of fabric or tulle fabric and ribbon and beads and hot glue. When we left we went by babies R us.
“Okay. What does little miss not have?”
“We have no socks, no scratch mittens, like three bibs.”
I was trying to see if I could remember anything else and she rolled her eyes.
“You don’t have bottles Gabs.”
“I uh..had a long talk with Sarah last month and I talked to the doctor last Wednesday while we waited. We will buy two bottles in the event that I cannot produce milk but the doctor did an exam and he said he felt there was no reason why I shouldn’t feed her myself. The bottles will be there in case but they probably will never be used.”
“Okay, so we need a bottle or two, do you have a monitor in case she’s in the room and you’re up-stairs or something?”
“We do not, but Zac wants a video monitor and there rather expensive. So, I think he’s planning to get that.”
“Okay, so let’s just look around.”
We walked around the store, literally the whole store. She got several packages of socks in white, pinks and purples, girly designs, and even some that looked like black shoes. They were cute. She got little mittens too, in girly designs and even a few matching hats. She got a ear thermometer, nail kit, hair brush and a medication syringe. All items we hadn’t even considered. She got a rearview mirror clip so we could see her in the back seat and it even came with a mirror that would go in front of her. When I yawned she eyed me.
“Are you sleeping okay?”
“Define okay…I’ve had to call Zac every night to get myself to go to sleep. But then I wake up to pee.”
She smiled and left me standing here at the bottles, which was the last place and there was so many of them. I eventually just selected one that used drop in bags, because the nipples were what the doctor recommended. She returned after I selected with this bag.
“What is that?”
“A body pillow. You mentioned using Zac as a pillow the last few weeks, so I’m wondering if we take something of his and put around it, if you’ll sleep better.”
“I may. But, I am getting really tired Sierra.”
“Is there anything else you need?”
“The covers for boppy pillows, but the gift card is for the website. So, I can do that when we’re home.”
She smiled and we checked out, she wouldn’t even show me the total and refused to let the woman call it off. She loaded the car and then we headed back to the house. On the way she went through McDonalds, she was having a chicken nugget craving, I started to complain but damnit I’d been eating so good for so long that I deserved chicken nuggets! Heather was already here so she helped get the stuff out of the car.
“Mail man came to the door, there was a box that wouldn’t fit. It was mailed from the city so I didn’t touch it. I guessed it was another owl.”
“Probably.”
I opened the package and inside was a solid red owl, I didn’t touch the owl and used a pair of tweezers to pull the note out and open it. The paper was different this time, it wasn’t white it was an off shade of brown, the writing wasn’t as neat or as clean either.
“Gabby? What does it say?” Sierra asked.
“Do you think that if you ignore me, I would stop following you? Did you think that having him touching you or kissing you, would detour me? Did you think having babysitters would cause me to give up? You can ignore me, he can ignore me, he can do whatever he wants but in the end, I know you’ll be with me…”
The note trailed off as if he had more to say and couldn’t get it down before he had to mail it.
“That doesn’t sound like the others.” Heather said.
“Yeah, um…can we not mention this to Zac right now?”
Both of them turned and stared at me, as if the owl has grown wings and was flying around my head.
“Why would we not?”
“He didn’t want to go anyway, do you think this is going to make it easier?”
“It’s about making it easier on him Gabs, he’s your husband and he’s worried enough…” Sierra trailed off.
“And because he’s worried enough I don’t need to add to it.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him, but the line about him touching me or kissing me made me wonder. But, he’d done that at the wedding and here, so who could be sure? They were undoing bags and I stopped them with the baby items.
“It’s got to be cleaned, it doesn’t go in her room until it is.”
Heather paused and put the bag down by the door but the pillow she took up-stairs. I was curious as to if it would work.
“So, she started a pot roast, is that fine?”
“Long as you added a ton of veggies, yep.”
“She did. Always does when she cooks, likes to pretend she doesn’t know how.”
“Zac shockingly cooks a lot.”
“No word from him?”
“They had a members only even today so it’ll be later tonight before I hear from him, but I did get a 2 am kissy face and a hug icon.”
She smiled. “2 am? Were you awake?”
“I was at 3.”
She returned and we settled at the table to determine how to make these ballerina boards for her room. Turns out I was great with the silhouettes and did three different poses, Sierra would then add the headbands to the buns I’d drawn in and Heather attached the tulle tutu’s, then Sierra would add little beading details around the waist. We were a good combination. It was about 5:30 when the doorbell rang.
“I got it.” I said.
“Maybe you shouldn’t.” Heather said.
“I’m sure it’s not bad Heather.”
I wasn’t a baby I didn’t need people answering the door for me to my own home. I got up and walked to the front, but after opening the door I rather wish I hadn’t. I’d expected Shawn, Nicole or even Abby. I didn’t expect my parents. I hadn’t even bothered to call them back, so why were they here?
“Gabriella.” She said.
I bite my tongue from calling her Mom, she wasn’t my mother. Julian was.
“Ma’am. What can I do for you?”
“We just wanted to talk and with your overly protective husband not around we felt it would be a good time to just talk. Baby you can call us Mom and Dad.”
Again, her eyes traveled and settled for an uncomfortably long time on my belly, but she clearly didn’t read the shirt because her hand reached out to touch me and I got her wrist.
“Don’t touch me.”
Shit! Zac wasn’t here to protect me, wasn’t here to deal with them. Shawn wasn’t here and while Sierra and Heather were here, they didn’t know what Shawn told me. So, they wouldn’t know that Zac didn’t want me around them at all.
“You are pregnant, your husband refused to answer but it’s quite clear. When is our granddaughter due?”
Clearly they were still getting information from somewhere but the idea that they just assumed they’d be her grandparents kind of pissed me off and again she tried to touch my stomach and I stopped her.
“I said, don’t touch me. I’m not kidding Ma’am.”
She seemed to get a bit irritated by Ma’am, but I refuse to call her Mom and I didn’t even know their names.
“Kitten?” Sierra asked.
I closed the door some and smiled. “I got it, just finish what we were doing. I did a silhouette and a shoe for the other set.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded and the subtle wink told her to listen if nothing else. I then stepped out onto the porch, leaving the door cracked behind me.
“I really would rather be spending time with them right now, so can you just skip the bullshit and tell me what you want.”
“We want to know who you are. What you’ve become. We’ve talked with Shawn but we weren’t able to speak to you. Now you’re having a baby, our granddaughter.”
“Let’s make one thing very clear. This is not your granddaughter.”
“Gabriella, come on you are a smart girl. You are our daughter therefore your daughter is our granddaughter.” He said.
“There lies the problem Sir, you aren’t my parents. You didn’t raise me, you didn’t take care of me. Julian and Jacob Frost are my parents.”
“They adopted you Ella, they didn’t birth you.” She said.
“Do not ever call me Ella again. There is only one person allowed to call me that and it’s not you. Do you think I am some naive child now? That I’d just sign whatever you want and be fine? I got news for you, I’m not signing shit for either of you.”
It was clear they didn’t expect me to know that and I was trying my best to conceal the shaking I was feeling. Maybe I should have told Sierra sooner and let her deal with this. But then again, wasn’t that technically running from my own problems? They were my problem.
“We were young and stupid then, we needed to do some growing up and seeing how well you’ve done has shown us that we made the right decisions, we made the choice to let them take you both because we couldn’t provide for you.” He said.
“We wanted you to have the stability and the chances to thrive. We made the right choice in giving you up.”
I blinked at that, given me up? Did she just imply that they gave us up on their own?!
“You know Ma’am I don’t like liars.”
“We’re not lying.”
Again she tried to touch my belly and I gripped her wrist harder. “If you try to touch me again I am going to knock the fuck out of you. Do not touch me.”
“You will not be hitting your mother Gabriella. We tried to get you back.”
“You will not tell me what I can and cannot do. You are not my father. You need to stop lying to me, I saw the police reports, Shawn and I were not given up we were taken from you. You didn’t want us to have a better life. You lost your rights to be my parents, so you can just leave. ”
“We don’t hate you like Shawn does, we love you. You only want him to call you Ella when he doesn’t even love you. We do love you.”
It wasn’t her that reached for my belly this time, it was him and I just reacted. Slapped him hard right across the face.
“What the fuck?” he asked.
“Wilson, honey it’s okay.” She said.
I wasn’t stupid, I’d saw him draw his hand back. But her words seemed to make him reconsider, which for the sake of his hand and face was probably good. I was sure that Sierra would stomp his ass all over the porch. I was also sure contrary to what I said, they weren’t far from the door.
“It’s a good thing to reconsider your thought. When I was old enough to remember things I wondered what happen, why did my parents not love us, why did Shawn always want to return to the mysterious people he called Mom and Dad.”
“Because we love him and we love you.”
“He loved you, always wanted to go back. Pissed when they adopted us and changed our names. He always wanted to go home, to be with you two and be the perfect family. He hated me because I didn’t care to go back, I didn’t remember anything. I know nothing about either of you. But, the day he left me, the day he walked out of my life when I needed him most, I wondered what was so special about the two of you that he didn’t love me enough to stay.”
“But we love you Gabriella.”
“Then why did you try to kill us? If you love me so much, why did you think it was okay to neglect us for days? Why was it okay for you to let us die and then blame a phantom sitter? For the record, Shawn actually talks to me, we’ve made amends with what happened. Like I told him when he explained to me everything you said, all I have ever needed was him. Every picture you had of me he was there. Neither of you ever were.”
“You think we gave him all of them?”
“I do because you just didn’t care then. He told me what you said to him. There is no way I’d treat my baby that way. She will know her parents love her and that we want her. I won’t let her scream because she’s hungry or scream because she has a diaper rash. You weren’t parents to me.”
“Gabriella. Perhaps we need to start over here. We just want to know you, we’ve had a long time to reflect on our choices then. We were young and we were stupid. The right thing would have been to give you up but we didn’t think that was an option to us.” He said.
“We just want to know our granddaughter and have a second chance at being decent role models.”
“You will never know her. You won’t get pictures, videos, or updates on her. You have to live with your choices and you chose to let us starve, you chose to ignore our screams and cries for you. You sat in that room and you listened to me cry for hours, screaming because you were to sorry to get off your fucking ass and do something.”
“Gabby…” She said.
Yet again her hands reached out for the belly and I saw red. I was acutely aware of the sound of my hand when it went across her face.
“You are not my fucking mother and you have no fucking right to touch me. You have no rights to me or anyone in my family. I have never fucking wanted to know either of you and I damn sure don’t now! Shawn can see you however the fuck he wants, but all you are to me is the bitch that gave me life. That is it. You will never see my daughter because unlike you I’m going to be a mother to her. She will have a father that loves her. You can get the fuck off my property or I will have you carted off in a fucking police car.”
He went to touch me and I just glared at him which apparently was enough, I heard the door open behind me and I turned around.
“It’s handled. They’re leaving.”
“Gabriella Skye!” She said.
I looked at her. “Fuck you. You have a minute, I’d make good use of it.”
I went past Sierra and Heather and got my cell phone, they remained until I actually called and then they high tailed it. Sierra and Heather were on the front porch and I just walked out the back door. It was my fucking yard I should be safe here. I did know that I needed to desperately calm down. I went to the stream and sat down, called Shawn. When he didn’t pick up the first time, I kept calling until he did.
“Did something happen to you or the baby? You keep calling.”
“They showed up again.”
“Hold on.”
I could hear the noise dissipate and grow quiet. “Who showed up?”
“The pieces of shits that call themselves our parents.”
“You sound like you’re pissed off.”
“I kind of am which is why I called you. They want to make amends and know my daughter. Bitch couldn’t keep her hands to herself.”
“Ella…”
“I’m sorry Shawn, I know you love them but I can’t. I can’t keep pretending there not the source of anything. We were both smart kids do you not think I ever wondered why we were in foster care? All the horror stories I made up, all the fairy tales of them coming to get us?”
“You never mentioned them.”
“They weren’t important to me, you were. I hate them Shawn. I hate them for causing you to leave, I hate them for losing us, I hate them for being greedy when you went back, I hate them for thinking we were expendable. I hate them for giving me the genes I have, predisposed crack head. I just hate them. I don’t even know them and when they first showed up I thought I could forgive them, that I could ignore how we were treated. I can’t.”
“Ella calm down.”
I took a few minutes to breathe, might be better my left side wasn’t feeling that good.
“Ella I don’t expect you to feel the same way I do about them. You shouldn’t worry about them at all. I know you hate them, I know you can’t help it. I’m okay with that. I understand that while I blame them for losing us, you have other things to blame them for. But, in looking over what I remember, the best thing they ever done for me was give me a little sister. A reason to move forward, to be a good role model, to want to be looked up too. I may not be perfect and I’m far from it actually, but I know you look up to me. I want my niece to look up to me the way you do.”
“She will.”
“I know it’s a lot to process but really, they made that choice. They lost us and we ended up with better, in some ways, people. Granted, I don’t believe our biological father would be like Jacob but honestly Ella, I don’t know how he would have been when we got older. As much as I hated being taken, I’m glad I was. I’m glad that we both turned out different from them. You may have done drugs before but you’re clean now and you will never chose drugs over your baby. Now, are you okay?”
“Yeah, she rather pissed me off because she kept trying to touch my belly.”
“Well, I know you tolerate us for the most part but you really don’t like it. I think the only person you are completely fine with is Zac.”
“Even he gets growls every now and then. But, I hit her.”
“That’s funny and I don’t care sis. She probably deserved a lot more. But, I am at work and if I want to keep working I need to get back to the floor.”
“Okay, um..I shouldn’t worry about the little bits of pain on the left side should I?”
“How bad?”
“One, maybe two. It’s just there.”
“I would recommend going back to the house and calming down really good. If you are still hurting in an hour then you need to call your doctor.”
“Don’t scare me like that.”
“Change how you’re sitting, it could be Braxton’s and they go away when you move.”
“Okay.”
I returned to the house and it didn’t matter, Sierra put my ass on the sofa and asked for an explanation, but Heather said we needed to eat first. It was good because it gave me time to calm down good, time for the little twinges to stop, and then I explained it to them. We finished the other items, except the letter because we had no name yet. They were set to dry over night and then about nine I went up-stairs to bed. Zac called as I was getting that pillow wrapped in his shirts. We talked for an hour and I told him about them and what happen. He didn’t sound too thrilled but there wasn’t much he could do. When we hung up I put the phone on charge and for the first time in a week I actually slept.
