POV: Cas
September 19, 2003
I woke up when Dean got up, mostly because he had to move me first. My head still felt fuzzy and like I’d had an entire bottle of wine and I was sure I hadn’t. But he stretched and went to the bathroom and when the shower started I figured what the hell. I got up and went to the bathroom too. No idea how he felt about me relieving myself first but I knocked on the edge of the shower.
“Care if I join you?”
“I didn’t even think you were awake.”
“I woke up when you got up.”
“Hop in, but be warned it’s going to be tight in here.”
“It’s fine.”
I moved the door and stepped in behind him and good god, maybe I should have waited for him before I showered too. His back was to me and there was rivers of water running over the tanned skin and this was the first time I’d seen him completely naked. The way his shoulders flexed and moved as he wet his hair, the way the water just ran down his back and over that perfect ass.
“Still breathing?” he asked.
I hummed some. “Maybe.”
I snagged the loufah before he could and smiled when he gave me a quizzical look. It was my turn to show some return affection. I took my time cleaning him up and even washing his hair. Not that I got to do that myself, because he stole the loufah from me.
I pouted. “Not fair.”
“Completely fair. But, really, I need a soaking tub.”
“We both do.”
He made sure every inch was clean and then we both rinsed off and got out of the shower.
“Are you working today?” I asked.
“Nope.”
Well, that was interesting. He was preparing to shave and I was fine so I went ahead and got something to put on. It was too warm for those pajamas sadly but I had some comfy gray sweatpants and a t-shirt with a cat on the front. I was combing my hair when he came out of the bathroom, freshly shaved still in a towel.
“Hey, can you grab me some underwear? Second drawer down.”
Well, I wouldn’t mind ruffling through my boyfriend’s underwear, since he’d seen quite a few of my random ones. But alas, his drawer seemed to be gray, gray, and black. A little flash of blue caught my eye though but when I pulled them out they were not what I expected. In my hands were blue lace panties with a full back and the image that flashed through my mind was incredibly sexy. So, I took them over and held them out in front of him to see what he’d do.
The blush was so fast spreading across his face and accentuating those freckles. He tried to speak a few times but no sounds came out. I leaned over and kissed his cheek.
“I’m sure your ass looks absolutely perfect in these. But, if you’d prefer not to wear them I understand.”
He swallowed hard. “You…you don’t think…”
“I don’t think it’s weird. I mean…I’ve got a few lace things.”
He blinked. “And you haven’t worn them?”
“Not that you knew.”
“Perhaps I should be asking daily what you have on.”
I giggled. “I’ll start breakfast..after I watch you put these on.”
“Is this some fetish of yours?”
“Maybe.”
But yeah, I was right. His ass in that blue lace was fucking perfect. I was rather surprised they fit so well, considering. But I went ahead and went to fix breakfast. I wondered if he would ask about what happened after wards last night. But even if he didn’t, he deserved to know what was happening. Everything felt so different with him, so much better. When the omelets were done we sat at the table and had breakfast.
“So, if you’re off and still in pajamas, what was the plan?”
“Hang out with you of course. I mean, we can go somewhere if you want. We don’t have to stay in.”
“After breakfast and being awake.”
Once breakfast was eaten we both cleaned up the kitchen. It was nice to know he wouldn’t reject the help nor did he expect me to just do it alone. It was always better together. It was so weird how things felt so different. Once the dishes and counters were cleaned we moved to the living room. I just stopped his hand from getting the remote though.
“I feel like I owe you an explanation for the last few things that happened last night.”
“You don’t owe me anything Castiel. It was an intense moment and it’s fine.”
“I want to tell you.”
He slid over next to me and nudged my side. “I’m all ears.”
Well it was not what I expected and now I wondered, where do I start?
“I think it started when you took off that blindfold the first time. Robert has been the only person I’d been actively dating during my birthday and he made no effort to remember it, let alone anything else. The others were either before or after, most didn’t remember. So, having someone that not only remembered it was my birthday but went out of their way to actually do something nice was…different. I feel like Charlie may have influenced dinner.”
“Not going to lie, she told me what to fix and said you’d appreciate home versus out. I considered out but we seem to do so much better at home and with the plans I had afterward, home was better.”
I felt the slight blush. “Dinner was very good and thank you.”
I felt a quick kiss to my temple. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m not sure what I expected as a gift but that was damn near perfect too. After dinner I am sure wasn’t Charlie.”
“Oh no, she said to rent a movie we’d never seen and just hang out. I considered it but my idea was better. But, you seemed nervous and I’m going to go out on a limb here. I’m assuming that no one else has ever done anything like that?”
“No. Not even close. From the slow removal of clothes, to the amazing strip show that I would very much like to see again, to just everything. I can say that I’ve never had anything like that in any way. The massage was epic and awesome and it just…I’ve never experienced anything like that. Dean it felt so different and I was really doing fair until you said that it was all about me.”
I paused and looked at him; his eyes were still clear and warm. He was really listening to me.
“When you said that it just…everything I’d held back kinda crashed. I really was intending to explain last night.”
“We haven’t talked about our past relationships that much. I know about Robert but what I know is how he was abusive. Not anything else. Have any of your past relationships truly been equal? There is so much you seem confused on when I do something. My phone for starters, being okay with you having access and knowing the password, going first on the fourth of July, and everything about last night. It seems so new to you.”
I leaned closer and he put his arm behind me, pulled me even closer.
“None of them have been. I am confused at times because I’m comparing your actions to theirs and yours are so different. They didn’t let me see or use their phones or even see address books back in the day. I never went first with them and sometimes it was left up to me. Yeah, no one has done anything like you did last night. What is new is the attention and the affection.”
He snorted. “You seemed to have met a lot of assholes before me.”
“I just…I think it all hit me after and you mentioned not needing assistance because I was enough.”
He smirked. “Well, I mean it’s rare that I come untouched but clearly you have the ability with your sounds.”
I felt the blush creep into my face.
“After that I think everything just…snapped. Realized what I’d been missing and how stupid I was with them.”
“You weren’t stupid Castiel; sometimes you need that experience to know when it’s real. I don’t believe relationships should be one sided or unequal in any aspect. We both switch out dates, we both plan, we both pay when needed, and even when it comes to more private things it shouldn’t be one sided. Like, I shouldn’t expect you to do something that I personally wouldn’t.”
Those words settled pretty fast and I looked at him.
“Are you saying you’d bottom and top?”
He tilted his head some. “Out of all that, what you picked up was this last sentence?”
“No, I heard the rest. I’m just still processing the rest. I think I always knew that relationships should be more equal, I just…I falsely assumed that they
would get better and when I refused something they left. That refusal was usually related to sex.”
His fingers found a ticklish spot on my side and as I squirmed and he giggled.
“Is that why you still haven’t gone all the way? Or was there more to that?”
“Comfort. It took me time to realize that deep down I didn’t trust them. They didn’t seem to — care? I mean they did but when it came to that area it seemed one sided and I guess deep down I feared they wouldn’t stop if I needed them too or they wouldn’t do something right.”
He gave me a squeeze. “Honestly? A lot of people are that way. But to answer your question, yes I can bottom or top. It doesn’t bother me as long as the other person is comfortable as well.”
“I still feel like I was stupid with them.”
I felt his lips connect to my temple and it lingered there for several minutes.
“You aren’t stupid. You dated them, they sucked at it. They left because you wouldn’t do something you felt uncomfortable with, that is them being stupid and not you. I’m actually proud you said no because you didn’t want to. It wouldn’t have been good if you didn’t feel completely comfortable.”
“For someone who really hasn’t dated men you sure know a lot.”
He laughed. “You can thank Sasha for that. He’s had some bad relationships too and that’s for him to discuss with you. But sex with anyone should be done when both are comfortable, whether it’s another man or a woman. You made the right choice.”
“Thank you. I feel like maybe I should talk to him. But he is your friend and I don’t know if he will.”
Again he squeezed me. “He would. Sasha thinks you’re cool and that you’re good for me. He wouldn’t mind talking to you at all; I think he kinda wants to know you a little better. Like with Sam and our trip. His boyfriend thinks your books are out of the world and he’s been dying to ask if you would sign his first edition book.”
It was my turn to giggle. “Really Dean?”
“Really. No lie. Back on topic…you’ll find that I don’t mind a lot of things. I figured that something caused the tears and I was scared I had hurt you accidentally. I’m glad I hadn’t. It’s good to know it was because I did something so awesome and amazing it just overwhelmed you.”
“Ego boost?”
“Maybe. Can’t blame me. So, is there any other reason?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then we can decide if we’re going to be lazy at home today or if you want to venture out and do something.”
“Have you ever seen the world’s largest ball of twine?” I asked.
His brow rose. “No. I have not.”
“I’m game if you are.”
“Requires we change clothes.”
I grinned. “I’m okay with that but um…let’s keep your underwear the same.”
“Mmm..I don’t know. I don’t usually wear them outside the house.”
I turned and kissed him. “Please?”
I could see his resolve starting to go and eventually he sighed and agreed. I had to admit seeing him in the tight jeans and knowing what was under them wasn’t going to be too good for my hormones. But, damn he looked hot. Being with him felt so good, even if it was mostly riding. The ball of twine itself was underwhelming. But, being able to get a peek at the blue lace made it better. We stopped at a small diner for lunch and then he just drove.
He knew several routes that I’d never considered and it was magnificent scenery. He pulled over at the top of a hill and parked, the view from here was pretty good.
I glanced over at him. “Do you bring all your dates here?”
“No, just you.”
“This is why I cry so much with you.”
He laughed. “I guess I could have warned you how sappy I could be.”
“I like sappy.”
I moved to be standing in front of him, putting my hands on his waist.
“Like sappy huh?”
“Muhum..”
It was a rather secluded area and I couldn’t deny that my brain had been focused on seeing him in that blue lace all fucking day. He didn’t stop me as I got closer, didn’t mind the kisses either.
“I feel like you’re coming onto me.” He smirked.
“Maybe.”
He glanced around. “Nice, open public place here.”
“You mind that?”
He glanced around again. “That depends on what you have in mind.”
I moved my lips across his jaw and nipped his ear. “Maybe a thank you for last night.”
“Don’t think I’ll ever mind that.”
I knew I couldn’t strip him in the unlikely event that someone did come by. But I could drive him crazy with touch and kisses, all over his neck and face. I let my hands roam on his sides and back. I liked the little moans and sounds he made as well, more so when I found I could totally twist a nipple through his shirt.
“Fuck, Cas…”
I moved down and could feel his hand trail up my back as I knelt. The ground wasn’t great for my knees but it didn’t matter after a few moments. I paused only to see if there were sounds before popping the button on his jeans. This wasn’t new to me, the fact we were pretty much in public was new. I very much enjoyed the peek of blue lace as I pulled the zipper down.
I knew he was watching me and I glanced up, meeting his eyes. I kept them on him as I gently pulled his pants down some, letting my hands wander over his ass and savoring the feel of that lace.
“You are so gorgeous,” he said.
I was sure I blushed, but I wasn’t quite ready to get that lace out of the way. I liked the way he wore them, the way they fit. It was something no one would ever do for me. I let my fingers trace the outline of the very nice erection he had going. I leaned in and gave a tentative kiss to the base area, letting warm air blow through the lace and hearing the low moan. His hands were firmly placed on the hood of Baby, so I kept on doing that.
I could smell him and it was a good scent, musky with a hint of apple. I let my tongue trace the outline through the panties and could see him twitch a bit behind the lace. I moved my hand between his legs and nudged a bit, which he gave me room. Gentle massages to his balls as I ran my tongue up the underside through the lace.
“Cas…you’re teasing…”
“And you didn’t?”
But he also had a private place. I glanced up and met his eyes when I got the edge of the lace with my teeth and gently pulled them out and down. Not letting them snap back, I placed them gently under and then ran my tongue up the underside. Enjoying the feel of his cock against my tongue. I wanted, and would, take my time but I knew the situation was time sensitive.
I moved my hand to the base and couldn’t break my gaze as I moved my lips over the head, the weight and feel was fucking perfect. Even when his hand moved into my hair I didn’t freeze, just enjoyed it. The moans I heard were music to my ears. The swallowing motion seemed to cause his hips to move slightly but I could tell he was trying not to. Curse words fell from his lips in between moans.
“Cas…I’m close.”
I didn’t stop. Instead I moved to a deeper position and swallowed, which did it. I felt the slight pull on my hair and heard my name spoken in the most erotic voice. I even cleaned him up as best I could before fixing the blue lace. I got up and didn’t expect the kiss but fuck it was passionate and I wrapped my arms around him before letting my hands fall to his ass. He pulled back.
“You seem to really like the lace too, Sunshine.”
“I do and you’re the only one that ever has worn anything lacey.”
I did fix his pants though and held him here.
“You ever have any type of sex in Baby?”
He glanced at the seats inside the car. “No. That another fetish of yours? Sex in cars?”
“Don’t know, never have. Feel like you can drive now?”
He shook his head. “Nope. You could drive us back though.”
I leaned back from his embrace. “You’ve never let anyone drive your car.”
“You take care of your own car, so I can’t see you being mean to her.”
“Head back to your place?”
“Yeah, we can cook there tonight and have a low key Saturday.”
I kissed him. “You mean a low key party that no one thinks I know about?”
He looked shocked. “How the hell?”
“You told Meg and I came by earlier this week and she was telling Kirk about the surprise party. Granted he shut her up quickly but not before I got the idea. I’m not mad though and I’ll act shocked.”
“You aren’t mad?” he asked.
“No. It’s just one more thing you’ve done that no one else has.”
“Got to set the bar high. Come on, maybe I’ll even cook in just these blue lace panties and an apron.”
I dropped my head to his shoulder. “That would be amazing.”
I did drive back and while riding in this car was an amazing experience, driving her was even better. When we got back we sorted out dinner and he really did cook in just those two items. He may be the death of me. But as we lay in bed later that night I could feel it. The same feelings that kept me with Robert, the feeling that I loved him. I couldn’t say for certain but I could definitely feel something.