Chapter 49: I’m Scared
POV: Gabby
Word Count: 3029
October 14, 2009
Waking up in a strange but familiar room was always weird. I went ahead and showered when I got up because my appointment was early. She wanted to shop afterwards so I went with something universally comfortable which was a sundress. Some white one with purplish splashy colors all over it, Abby had talked me into it. She was super active this morning too and even more after I got breakfast. We got there 15 minutes early, when we were called back I was a little weirded that she got her phone and was making a call, like I didn’t expect her to be making calls right this moment. A flair of panic came and went when I heard the person who answered, she’d apparently sent Zac a video conference call and he’d accepted.
“Good morning Mrs. Hanson.”
“Morning.” I said.
She did weight which was up but still within a normal range to them. The urine sample they waited outside and I figured this was Zac’s way of being here without being here. He stayed on the video call through the whole appointment. I made the next appointment the 11 th, we could then head to Oklahoma City.
“Are you happy now?” I asked.
“I am. I didn’t miss an appointment. Thanks Mom.”
“No problem. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard the heartbeat. So surreal.”
He smiled but had to go because the others were calling him.
“Do you feel like shopping?”
“I’ll be good for a bit.”
She went to the baby store first, what we could possibly need extra I didn’t know. But, she got more safety items like the latches for the cabinets and socket covers.
“I know you won’t need them for a while but while there on sale.”
“It makes sense.”
She got toys too, for younger babies. Apparently we didn’t have any so this was fine,
“Do you have a suit to bring her home in?”
“We don’t yet, but I think Zac wanted to pick that out. Poor baby going to come on in a basketball themed outfit.”
She smiled. “He’ll come around. Walker wanted a girl with Taylor and well, the doctors told us Zac was a girl for the entire nine months. We hadn’t bought dresses and stuff but I am glad I kept stuff from Taylor. He arrived as a boy, nothing girl about him.”
“No, I’m confused on how they would think he was a girl.”
“I’ve always wondered that myself I mean, it’s not like the areas are the same. How they missed that whole area is beyond me.”
I was trying to phantom how someone could miss that on a sonogram, but then again Zac swears he saw a penis and we’re having a boy. When there is clearly not one there and we were having a girl. She did get some more clothes, but they were clearance items for next summer so they were larger sizes.
“Why do you do that? Get sizes too big?”
“Well, most babies fit well into the right sizes but sometimes they don’t. Isaac and Taylor were pretty much even with their sizes, Zac was in a 3 to 6 months at two months. I think I over fed him or something. But, it also helps to do this because babies grow quick.”
We wondered the store a bit more before we headed out and went to the grocery store. We were nearly done there when my phone went off. He hadn’t texted me on time last night, I was already asleep before he ever sent the messages, so he clearly didn’t know there.
Shopping with the in-law, I can’t wait until you meet my Mom. Sadly, my father passed away already.
I didn’t reply, Mabis had called me after Zac spoke to him and I still ended up sending dozens of screen shots to him. He also had to obtain my permission to go into the house, I had been slightly mad that Zac hadn’t mentioned it to me, but when Mabis explained why I agreed. They should be there now actually with Jack who agreed to take the day off. I didn’t reply to him instead kept wondering with her. Once she had everything she needed we headed back to the house.
Oddly, Sarah was waiting there alone when we arrived.
“I didn’t know you were here!” She said.
“She went with me to the appointment and video conference Zac.”
I really didn’t like to be touched and the bigger I got the less I liked it, but she was quick with her rubs and then pitched in to help us unload and then put up. But, as we unloaded I wondered if she really didn’t know, and I figured out she did after we were seated in the living room. I was seated in the middle.
“Zac feels like there is something else wrong, something he may not be any good at handling.” Diana said.
“Maybe perhaps something to do with the multiple episodes of a baby story you saw.” Sarah said.
“Abby seemed so happy to watch it, which the first few were fine but then it was…scary.”
“Well, between she and I we have five. I know Jack picks you up soon, so what can we do?” Diana said.
“I really didn’t think about it until she started watching the show. She can’t remain in the womb forever but I’d never considered anything but keeping her alive and contained for nine months.”
“You didn’t think about how she was getting out huh?” Sarah asked.
“No. The first two episodes the women were fine. Normal is how I’d define it. They got meds and it seemed like the baby just slid right out. No pain, no screaming, no yelling, no cussing. The third or fourth episode though, the women had complications. She was in labor for like three days before they did a c-section. The next one screamed bloody murder for an hour. I…”
“You’re scared? Nervous? It’s expected.” Sarah said.
“I’m terrified. I have no idea what to expect. Very few episodes were like the first two, there was a woman that split and tore and that scares me.”
“I split with Nickolas, I won’t lie it’s not pleasant but it’s not bad either. You’re body heals quickly after and nothing is different.”
That didn’t help calm my nerves and perhaps Diana picked up but I swear she gave her the shut up look.
“The first thing you should know Gabby is that everyone woman is different. You also have to remember that it was a TV show, it’s not always entertaining to show a nice easy birth. Added, it could have been their second or third.”
“Were Taylor and Zac easier?”
“Definitely. With Isaac my labor was longer but it wasn’t like active labor with all the pain it was just nagging shit, drove me insane. Taylor was easier, the contractions leveled out pretty easily and quickly. I barely even made it to the hospital with Zac, I barely felt anything. It does get easier after the first, but just because Sarah split doesn’t mean you will.”
“What if something goes wrong?”
“Honey you’ll be surrounded by doctors and nurses, they’ll do everything they can to prevent you from splitting, to make sure that you and the baby are fine.”
“What if she’s not okay?”
I felt Sarah’s hand on my side. “She’ll be fine. If she’s anything like her daddy she’s going to be too stubborn to not be fine.”
“Ain’t that the truth, he’s the most stubborn.”
I wasn’t sure that I believed anything they were telling me, sure they had five between them but they didn’t seem to be all that bad. I was really good at faking being fine around anyone but Zac and Shawn. So, they let it drop and moved on. Sarah did help me use her gift card while I was there for the boppy covers. We were processing when he sent another message.
I do not like to be ignored. I understand you were probably asleep last night but you saw the message from earlier. I watched you open it.
I just closed it and ignored it, but it wasn’t Jack that showed up at three. It was Shawn and he didn’t seem pleased.
“Where is Jack?”
“He got called in, but when did you plan on telling me about this guys sending messages and shit?”
“When he was in jail? Because I don’t need another babysitter.”
“Too bad. I sent Heather and Sierra home too.”
I sighed and we got the bags and said our byes, but Grace was also with him. The police weren’t at the house when we arrived and the alarm was on high. I had a new number, again, which Zac had texted earlier. The bags were put up and I asked about dinner, since I am sure they were staying until Jack was back.
But when he had me sit down I placed things together. “How bad was it since Zac sent you here instead of calling me himself.”
“It wasn’t really great. But, not as bad as you may be thinking.”
“Then quite putting it off and tell me.”
“He knew you were in the room because there was a listening device in the room, but the range wasn’t that far so he had to be close by. There was another one here in the living room.”
I kind of had a feeling there was something that told him I was in the room and alone, because he was on time no matter what.
“Has he been inside?”
“Yes.”
“How? I reviewed the tapes.”
“Zac mentioned that and they checked, he looped the video. All you watched was the same three or five minutes looped over and over again. There is evidence that he also figured out how to bypass the alarm by a window here in the living room. But, the security company came out and they changed the wires and how the detection is so he can’t do that again.”
“Anything else?”
“No. That was it.”
“No prints? No nothing?”
“No.”
“So, that wasn’t bad Shawn, why are you here?”
“I’ll leave you with Grace for that. I’ll fix dinner.”
He got up and walked out leaving me here with her and I looked at her confused, what could she have to tell me?
“Diana called Zac after you left and he sent me a message. She thinks that she may have helped but she wasn’t sure.”
“Everyone be talking behind my back, this is not cool.”
She giggled. “He knows that he can’t help.”
“He will be, he’ll be there. He’s not getting out of this shit.”
I heard Shawn laugh in the kitchen and she shot him a look and he toned it down some. She then looked at me.
“I’ve been in the room when dozens of babies have been born, it’s part of my job and depending on when you come in, I may be there then. Everyone is different. But, the outcome is always the same, healthy baby and healthy mom. You aren’t having any problems and she doesn’t seem to be a really big baby. I think you’ll be fine personally.”
“But all those women and come on, I know women die from this too.”
“Good lord what has she been showing you? I’m banning Abby from ever choosing your TV shows.”
“I know the likeliness of me dying is pretty remote. I just haven’t always been that great with pain and well, I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Secret here, every mother I’ve talked to as told me they didn’t think they could. They didn’t think they could handle the pain, or the process. You have great doctors, great nurses and let’s face it if we need to call for someone to calm you down we know where he works.”
“Negative on that shit! There are things about my sister that I do not want to ever know about. That’s one of them.”
“I think I’m inclined to agree with him.”
She smiled. “Just saying. I know it’s scary but it’s worth it. I wouldn’t pay much attention to the shows they want you to see the bad moments because people watch more. I’ve seen women split, there not that bad to fix and heal nicely. I’ve seen many not have any problems.”
“And the screaming pain?”
“Epidural honey, puts all those severe pains on the back burner and all you feel is a fraction of it.”
“So…ignore the TV shows?”
“You can watch them, because there good to have an idea of what the doctors do and what they kind of expect, but don’t let the women scare you. There just a small fraction of women having babies and they could be exaggerating because they are on TV.”
“You saying I’m not gonna like split severely and need reconstructive surgery?”
“Honey if that happens I’m giving Zac a full disclosure to sue like hell. You’ll be fine. Are you doing the birthing classes?”
“They start when we come back from our anniversary, week after I think. Zac wanted to attend too, given he’s going to be there I signed up for the ones after.”
“Probably a good thing to do. They’ll teach you proper techniques.”
“That’s the hope, he’ll be able to coach me and maybe he won’t freak out too.”
She smiled. “You got everything you need?”
“Yep. Diana got toys and safety things today, some cloths for next summer. The safety items were on sale.”
“It’s nice to have them in place before, it lets you get use to opening the stuff without worrying.”
“I decided to breastfeed, is it required to have bottles?”
“Nope, if you are exclusively breast feeding her then you don’t really need them. It’s good to have a few just in case and it’s good to have a pump in case, but there not required. It’s honestly items you may never use.”
“Zac’s read everything you sent me and stuff he’s found and he’s okay with the idea of not being able to feed her because he knows once she starts solids he can. Logically, he won’t always be home anyway.”
“He can take diaper duty.”
“I won’t mind that one bit! Shawn, what the hell are you fixing? I smell hot sauce.”
“Chicken fajitas and no fear little sister, I am not putting hot sauce on either of yours, just mine.”
“You add it to mine and I won’t be able to eat it!”
“I’m not, I promise.”
Grace and I discussed splitting a bit, because that is what scared me the most. I wasn’t entirely sure what was splitting! It was a quiet conversation because Shawn may not care to know. His fajitas were amazing and I was quite certain I ate way too much.
“You want me to finish that dragon while you’re here?”
“Sure. Needs to be done by Saturday and he’ll need an outline.”
“No problem.”
I got the drawing and we finished it out before Jack arrived, Shawn had made more than enough so he had dinner too.
“Is this some weird sibling obsession?” he asked.
“No. I wanted a dragon tattoo but the one she original drew was super huge and well, I wasn’t doing a full body one.”
“If I recalled you said some of it would be like below the belt.”
“Yeah.”
“Hey those types can be fun.”
“I wouldn’t know, I wouldn’t do one there unless it was my butt.” I said.
“I wouldn’t mind doing something if the ladies wouldn’t mind.”
“Long as it’s not creepy eyes I don’t think you’d have an issue.” Grace said.
“Why not eyes?” he asked.
“Well, unless you hate oral sex, no girl will want to be seeing eyes.”
That got a laugh from them both but it was a truth, I damn sure wouldn’t. Once Shawn and Grace left I cleaned up the kitchen, I was loading the dishwasher when a message came through.
I see someone got smart, it’ll be sad to not hear your voice daily.
It won’t be sad to me.
Do you keep my gifts at the studio? I have not seen any of them at the house, not on display nor packed up. I haven’t seen the underwear or the dress either…
I read it and snorted, causing Jack to look up. But I picked up the phone and his reply.
I didn’t keep any of that. The detectives have all of them at the warehouse where they processed them. Why would you even think I would keep a gift I don’t want? What makes you think I like anything you sent? The figurines were pretty until I realized the person sending them to me was a murderer. I don’t like owls. I don’t like you. I will never be your wife, I will never carry your child. I don’t want to meet your mother. I never asked you to murder Max, he was my best friend and while we have issues I still loved him. I never asked you to murder Simon, he would have either gotten over me or not. I didn’t care. I know you are someone we know and I know that you will eventually fuck up and the police will arrest you. In the meantime, I am going to focus on my baby and my husband. You are no longer worth it.
It was ballsy as hell, but I was done. He was a coward anyway, he’d never face me or tell me who he was. He also didn’t reply to the message. Once things were tidy I headed up to bed, it was a good feeling to be able to know he can’t be here, he couldn’t be. I put on my pajamas and curled up with the pillow.
32 weeks felt like 52. She was getting bigger and I was feeling the effects. Another month and then she’ll be here. December was going to be really fun!