Chapter 47: Cheerleader Bears

POV: Gabby

Word Count: 3134

October 3, 2009

Whomever was sending the owls was now moving to also sending messages. I thought the ones that night after Cain’s was it, but the next night and last night he’d sent messages. They were similar to Simon’s, not threatening but just unnerving. He’d included pictures as well, ones of me asleep at Heather’s and there was one of me outside the studio. He was intent that he wasn’t going to hurt me, that the owls were just gifts. As a result of his late night before bed messages, I was waking up more. Freaked out by anything I heard. Sierra had checked in on me last night and nearly scared me to death. It was unnerving to wake up to someone just watching me sleep!

When I woke up and realized I wasn’t going back to sleep I got up and got some clothes and then showered. Hot water to ease the pain and tension of my shoulders and back.

“Gabby?” Sierra asked.

“I’m in here.”

“Heather was getting worried, you’re usually down much sooner.”

“I didn’t sleep well so I tried extra but gave up. I’ll be down in a few moments.”

I heard her say okay and then the door closed, I walked to the bed and got dried off, put the pants on and a one of the solid color shirts I had, I’d bought just a few t-shirts to wear around the house. I’d given up completely on panties, they were either too small, didn’t fit well, or the waist band bugged me so who needed them? I then brushed my hair out and went downstairs.

Heather had fixed a huge breakfast and I sat down to eat, they were done already.

“What do you want to do today?” Heather asked.

The room was done now, the little homemade canvases were hung up and so were the other items we’d bought. The new clothes and items had been cleaned and were ready.

“I don’t have a preference for anything. Did you two have something in mind?”

“We thought about going to the zoo.” Heather said.

I raised an eyebrow. “The zoo?”

“Yes. Or the aquarium.”

“Let’s do the aquarium, I’ve been to the Zoo and Zac said we may hit the one in the city while we’re down next month.”

“While you’re down?” Sierra asked.

“Anniversary. As much as I want to visit Carrick and enjoy Cali, I feel like I’ll be too miserable. So, we’re doing something cheaper and closer.”

“Ahh, that makes sense actually. So, we can do that. Let us get changed while you finish.”

They got up and headed to the bedroom, Jack was leaving most of his things here because he was here more, but they had overnight bags. They came out about ten minutes later in jeans and simple shirts too. I finished breakfast, put up whatever was left and then got my shoes.

“You know another few weeks and I won’t even be able to tie my shoes.”

“You barely can now…” Heather said.

“No shit.”

Sierra drove as the aquarium was outside town, I spent most of the ride dozing in the back seat. Feeling her move around some. Once we arrived we each got our tickets and went inside. I had also suggested here because well, there were no spiders or peacocks! I could also sit frequently if needed. I had my camera and we started with invertebrates. The pace was slow, it allowed me to not feel rushed and I could step aside if someone needed to come flying by. Heather and Sierra were just matching whatever pace I set. After the first three including extreme fishes and the marvels and mysterious I took a break. I sent a few pictures to Zac and got smiley icons in return and a have fun. It was apparently pouring rain where they were and they had the walk. We then moved through the Aquatic Oklahoma and Hayes family Ozark Stream sets which were huge, we were standing in the coral reef when I got a message but it wasn’t Zac.

The coral reefs are quite spectacular here, I appreciate that you are taking your time and really enjoying the beauty of them. You’ve done that since you arrived, slowly moving around, enjoying each exhibit.

I paused right where I was, Sierra bumping into me. “Sorry, you okay?”

“Yeah.” But my voice was shaky and not quite as confident in it, yet she was distracted so she didn’t detect it.

I let them move just ahead of me though. I didn’t reply to him, what the hell was I going to say? I tried to not overtly look around me, did I recognize anyone here? Did I see a friend that wasn’t quite so good? But, I didn’t recognize the faces around me. I took a potty break before we went through the Ecozone and we spent a large amount of time in the shark adventure, especially in the tunnels. The next message arrived as we were standing in the middle. A picture message of me standing here.

I do love the way you look pregnant. I can’t wait until the growing baby inside you is ours. I however miss my green dress…did you not like it? I bought it for you, made sure you got it.

Again I looked and again I didn’t see anyone but what alarmed me was I didn’t see Sierra or Heather either.

“Sierra?”

When she didn’t ask I called her name again, louder. She finally came from the right side.

“Hey Kitten it’s okay. I was right over there, I was getting this awesome vid…Kitten what’s wrong?”

Telling her meant she would tell Zac and that meant he would come home.

“Nothing, I just lost sight of you. Didn’t think you went far, but still you know Zac, he’ll flip out.”

She smiled. “He would. Anyway, I got this awesome video of a shark just moving through.”

I was trying to focus but the smell, musky was there. The images of him touching me, being so close and odds are if he left that dress then he took my boy shorts, when I ran she followed me. Breakfast tasted much better going down but Sierras was right there holding my hair. She got wet paper towels when I was more sitting.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it happens sometimes.”

She messages Heather and she met us at the door, I was glad they suggested we go home. I was kind of craving the solitude of the house and the safety. I tried to stay calm on the drive home, tame the shaking in my hands and just remember that it was a public place and lots of people wear scents that are musty. I really didn’t get it to stop until we got home. Yet she checked the box to nothing but when I went around to open the front door there were two boxes sitting there and the rest of the mail.

Two boxes? They were both addressed to me, the smaller was sent from the city but the larger box was here in Tulsa, no name but I recognized the return address. I took them inside and sat them on the table. But, I didn’t open them yet. Instead I got some crackers and ginger ale and just sat in the living room with them. I really wasn’t sure I wanted to know what was in either and part of me said I just needed to turn them both over to the detective without even looking at them.

Heather selected a program on the learning channel (TLC), A Baby Story. It seemed very interesting until the whole birth scene and that done it for that program but I rather wanted to watch it some more. The person on the show had seemed to birth her kid quickly. Like an hour of labor or something. But, really, they didn’t want to watch that. About four I got up and opened the smaller one. There was a black owl like the red one, solid color, smooth and kind of cute. The note was hand written, not quite as erratic as the last one, more like it usually was.

Whatever you do…wherever you hide…where ever you go to try and escapes me…you should just accept the simple fact…I will always be right here. I will always know.

I repacked it and then opened the bigger box, not sure what to expect but inside was a solid white teddy bear with a blue and silver cheerleaders outfit on. There was no set place it was just a blue outfit with silver on the seams. I held it for a few minutes feeling the tears..

“Gabriella! What the hell is this shit about you skipping school?” Jacob asked.

I was almost 13, Shawn had been gone for months and Max was currently dating some bitch I didn’t like.

“Why should you care? Long as I actually pass.”

“You know better. You think because he left you here that you can suddenly act like your some grown woman?”

I simply stared at him, he treated me like one, why not act like one? But not answering was usually bad and when he grabbed my arm I thought this was the day he’d go all the way. He’s stop using hands, stop using toys, he’d use himself. Instead it was just one painful spanking and yet when that didn’t seem to faze me, he stormed down to my room. Returning with the white bear in the costume.

“You will go to school and you will stay there.”

“Why are you touching that? You know not to.” I yelled.

I went to take it and he held it up and ripped it, tearing the head off easily, ripping the arms and legs. Stuffing fell from the inside, floated to the floor.

“He fucking hates you Gabriella. You have to accept that. No one will love you. This cannot love you. You skip school again I will take everything he gave you and destroy it.”

He shoved the pieces to me and I held them I felt that pain. “You already did…”

It was the one thing he’d given me that I’d been able to keep. I’d begged Julian to fix the bear but she couldn’t. The seams were too ragged and she promised me another one but never could find one.

“Gabby?” Heather asked.

I didn’t even realize I was crying but she was standing there.

“I’m okay.”

I took a moment and sat the bear to the side, finding a folder in the bottom and I picked it up and opened it. Inside the box was another ring of papers and the first one contained a hand written letter.

My Dearest Gabriella,

I will start with this is not the approach I wanted, I much rather tell you this in person but my therapist believed that for your well being this was the best option. He will have handled the mailing of the package as I do not have a current address for you. His contact information should be included so you can verify that he did mail the package.

I wanted to tell you face to face that I am sorry for everything that I did to you, at the time I was not thinking logically nor was I considering what was best for you. I was only indulging in sinful and illegal activities. I want to apologize for the psychological, physical, and sexual abuse that you endured because of my actions.

I know there is very little that I can do to make up for the things I done, there is no amount of money or time that would help you. However, I recall a specific moment when my actions really did seem to hurt you deeply. Shawn was your brother and the only thing he’d ever given you was that teddy bear. I shouldn’t have destroyed it and for that I am sorry. It took me a while to find the exact one you had and ultimately I had to have someone make one. My hope is that you can see it as a peace offering and move forward with your life.

I am aware that no legal papers have been filed but after years of counseling, talking, and hearing how abuse can affect a person, male or female, I will not be bothering you. I will understand if you never reply, I will understand if you throw the bear away or ignore this letter.

I am sorry Gabriella. I wish that I could change the past and be the father you truly deserved, the one that taught you how to protect yourself, that taught you that you were worth more than you realized. I failed you and I failed Shawn. For that, I am sorry.

Sincerely,

Jacob Frost.

P.S: I have enclosed a copy of the full confession I made. Despite it being too long, I feel like I deserved more time than I received. I am not asking you to read it or relive those memories, I am only including it so you know that I confessed to everything I done, from the time I began until you ultimately left.

 

I really had to read it twice, because I didn’t believe it. But as curious as I was, I did not open the ringed pages, not now. Maybe once she was born and I was recovered I would tempt fate and read it. I didn’t prevent Sierra or Heather from reading it either.

“Do you believe this?” Sierra asked.

“There is a name and number for a therapist.”

It took me ten minutes to reach the man and ten minutes for him to explain the reason, Jacob was making amends to the people he hurt. He’d wanted to do it in person but after the guy read his full confession he recommended the letter, for which I was grateful. He was able to sufficiently convince me that Jacob did not have my address and that he had mailed it.

“What are you going to do?” Sierra asked.

“I can’t read the confession right now, I’d like to but I don’t believe that is a smart idea, so I will wait and read it after she’s born. I think that would be a better option. Zac can watch her while I read. I don’t mind if either of you read it, but I will ask that you not mention it to me or ask questions about things.”

“What’s up with the bear?” Heather asked.

“When I was almost 13 I skipped school and Shawn had given me one like that when I was eleven. He ripped it apart in front of me. It was the only thing that Shawn had been able to give me on his own. He had worked and paid for it himself. I’m not sure if I will keep it or not. The symbolism is nice but it’s not the bear Shawn gave me.”

“Do you think he left the cheerleader one?”

“Yes. The therapist mentioned he had and that he’d told him he shouldn’t have.”

“What about the other one?”

“Another owl. Another bullshit note.”

They didn’t ask to see it and I sent Mabis a message letting know I had received another one and I almost told him about the text messages. But I was sure the number was non-traceable and it would be pointless because they weren’t threatening, what would they do? Just ignore them like they had Simon’s so why bother to waste his time for me to try to screen shot them and everything.

“So, what would you like for dinner?” Heather asked.

“It doesn’t matter to me, I think we have chicken, ground beef, and pork of some kind. I would really like a burger.”

“Burger it is.” Heather said.

The teddy bear I put up and the other box I did too, but Mabis would come get it tomorrow. While Heather and Sierra cooked I sat at the counter and texted with Zac, he was sad he wasn’t getting a burger too. But as I was texting him another message from the guy came in, another picture from today. Very up close photo of my face, which I knew could be from a zoom.

I really wished I could just magically know who it was, because I was starting to suspect everyone around me. It was clearly someone that knew us. This guy knew the address and phone numbers. He seemed to know my bedtime and when I’d be alone for the most part.

She fixed some fries to go with the burgers and we ate there at the table, after dinner they selected a board game and we played monopoly for hours. I was sure it was a distraction move but it was fine. But when I got tired I called it a night and headed up to bed. I went to get the shorts and t-shirt I’d worn last night to put on but they weren’t on the bed. I found them in the dirty clothes but I didn’t remember putting them there. I chose a clean pair and changed and then charged the phone.

As usual, Zac called after the show and once they were back on the bus, updated me on the walk and how the show went but I didn’t tell him about the boxes or messages. I didn’t want him to be excessively worried and he would be if I told him about those items. He’d be coming home if he knew about the text messages. I was actually about asleep when we hung-up, he’d talked to the baby for five minutes and that calmed her down enough for me to do the same.

But the message came in and I initially ignored it, I was almost asleep anyway. But then they kept coming in so I checked, turns out he was just sending the same message over and over, until I opened it.

I can’t wait until your nightly chats are with me and not him…

I hit reply. I won’t be having nightly talks with you.

You are now…you finally read and replied.

I am trying to sleep, I read and replied so you’d stop fucking sending me messages every second.

You should want to speak to me…

But…I don’t. I’m turning my phone off.

I didn’t turn it off, but I did put it on silent. Zac knew I was going to bed so he wouldn’t freak out if he called and I didn’t answer. At least, until after he was sure I’d be awake. Again, it seemed to take forever for me to fall asleep!

Back         Home         Next