Chapter 35: You’re what?
POV: Zac
Word Count: 3038
August 5, 2009
I was trying my best to make that house feel like home to her, from making sure it had elements she liked such as artwork on the walls to customizing things for us to make it easier. Having some fucking asshole break in wasn’t helping me. She hadn’t slept well at home all week, yet she slept perfectly fine here at the studio.
“Is Gabby feeling well?” Taylor asked.
“Yeah, she was complaining of mild pains but that’s pregnancy related. She’s just not sleeping well and little sounds wake her up.”
“Because of the guy?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what to do Tay, the security company says that her code was used about two hours before she even got there. Two fucking hours this person could have been inside. I keep thinking what if she was there when he arrived?”
“Did you have them come out?”
“Yeah, they came out the day I called and everything was changed, we have eight number now and created new codes for everyone that would need it, which is basically you, Isaac, and Mom and dad. They added more sensitivity and even put apps on our phones so we’ll know if it’s disarmed.”
“That’s a good thing actually.”
“It’s not helping her sleep though.”
“Well, insomnia is a pregnancy related symptom, perhaps it’s not just being scared but that.”
“Maybe, doubtful though.”
When Isaac came in at 9:45 we got busy with recordings, I was able to do quite a bit now but sometimes after several hours I had to take a break. So, we were almost done with recordings and then it would be just tinkering with the songs and finalizing them. We took a break about 2 and found Gabby eating in the kitchen.
“Finally check your phone?” She asked.
“No, I smelled the food.” Taylor said.
True to word he had said he smelled tacos. We sat down and somewhere in the middle of taco’s Isaac mentioned the tour, he said Steel Train was trying to make it for the opening act, unfortunately EBE wasn’t together anymore.
“I think they’ll love you Gabby.”
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“The opening band, I think they’ll love you. They’re interested in art and all.”
She finished her taco. “How would they even know who I am?”
I looked at her. “They’ll be on tour with us Gabs, surely you’re not going to stay on the bus all the time.”
“I’m not going.”
The three of us all dropped the taco’s we had, unfortunately Isaac’s landed in his lap instead of on the table.
“What do you mean you’re not going?”
“I’ll be 30 to 35 weeks at that time, I can barely get comfortable in my own queen size bed now. There is no way I can sleep on the bus. I can’t get in the lower bunks or the higher up ones. I’m not going to go this time. I can’t do anything and you guys will need that bed to have someone to help.”
“And where do you plan to stay for a month?”
“Here in Tulsa? Where else would I stay Zac?”
“No. I’ll find some way to make it comfortable if I have to commandeer the entire rear lounge for you. You’re not staying here alone.”
“It’s not a decision you get to make Zac. I can’t tour for a month. I can’t depend on sandwiches and take out for thirty days, I can’t not shower, I can’t sleep on a bus. The health of our baby is more important to me, I’m not going to fuck up at 30 weeks because you’re afraid for me to be here alone.”
She was not making a smart decision there but I wouldn’t dare voice that thought, not that I had too because the look she gave me said she’d read my mind.
“Go ahead Zac, say it. I’m making a bad decision. It’s not like I just decided out of the blue. I spoke to your mom and Sarah about how I’ll be feeling and what I should expect during that time. I cannot trap myself on a bus for thirty or forty days where I know I won’t be comfortable, where I know I can’t do anything to help you, where I know that eating right is not possible. I’m not going to risk doing anything that can cause problems.”
Isaac and Taylor must have sensed something because they got their remaining tacos and scurried out.
“So you’d rather stay home so this fucking asshole can have a better chance at getting you alone? He broke into our home and you want me to be okay just leaving you there alone for over a month? If the fucker knows our house address I am sure he’s going to know I’m not there.”
“It’s worth it to me.”
“It’s not to me! I know you’re the one carrying this baby but damnit Gabby he’s telling you I don’t deserve you and that neither of us deserve this baby. What do you think he’ll do if he gets you alone?”
“I have the alarm, if I get freaked out I can go stay with Abby or Heather’s.”
“You’re not listening to me.”
“NO! You aren’t listening to me. I’m not going to torture myself for a month just because you think I’ll be safer. If the fucker wants me he’ll find a way to get to me, regardless to where I am. I am way more exposed on tour that I am sitting in my fucking house. I looked into your opening acts, Steel train and Hello Goodbye are good artist but White Magnets have a lot of questionable posts about women, I’m not going to put up with sexist comments nor will I be some object to them. I’m not going to subject myself to the fans that feel like I need to be gone. I’m staying here, in Tulsa, at our home. That’s the end of this discussion.”
She got up and left the room, left me sitting there fuming but maybe separation was nice because she really wasn’t making a good decision here. I could handle the fans, I could fire White Magnets if they fucked up, but what I couldn’t do would be protect her from this son of a bitch that doesn’t think I deserve her.
Maybe I didn’t. But, she’d chosen to stay! I didn’t want to tell her about the text messages I’d gotten after the break-in, they had to be from him because why would anyone else tell me I was a scumbag and needed to let her be with someone that loved her?
“Zac?” Isaac asked.
“Not now Isaac.”
“She left.”
“She what?” I asked.
“She got her keys and left, said she was going home.”
“What the fuck is she doing?” I asked.
“Proving a point.” Taylor said.
They came in and sat down. “I guess you didn’t go far?”
“Just outside the room, she does have a point Zac.” Isaac said.
“Don’t even fucking go there.”
“Remove this fucker from your scenario, would you expect her to go if he wasn’t around?”
“Yes.”
“But would you argue or be mad because she wants to stay home? Come on little brother, you know you wouldn’t be pissed off or upset if she did this and there was no fucker as you keep calling him.”
“She should see my perspective too Isaac. I can’t protect her if I’m 700 miles away. If he breaks in, there’s nothing I can do but come home to whatever he leaves me. Which based on his insistence that neither of us deserve this baby, odds are he’ll kill him and if it causes her to die then he won’t care.”
“He’s not going to do that Zac. He’s obsessed with her, he loves her. He’s not going to do anything that will cause her to die.”
Taylor was quiet for a moment. “But there’s a lot of things he could do to hurt the baby Isaac. It’s not like last year when Max hurt her, there’s not going to be her abdomen to protect him at 30 weeks or even 35.”
“Not helping Taylor.” Isaac said.
“She just needs to go.”
“You two don’t need to argue over this either.” Taylor said.
“Nothing to argue about. If she doesn’t want to be on the bus, that’s fine. I’ll rent an RV and have someone drive us behind the bus. She can eat and fix whatever she wants, she’ll have a more comfortable and accessible bed. I’ll do whatever the hell it takes, she’s not staying here alone.”
I finished my tacos and we got back to work, Gabby didn’t return to the studio though, so Isaac drove me home at six. The time hadn’t much changed my mind on my position, even though she was at home and everything was fine, I still didn’t like the idea of leaving her here alone. It really didn’t help that when I walked in there was a brown box on the island with a greenish teal colored owl laying beside it in a zip lock bag and beside that was a note in a zip lock.
I wanna know the rest of you, the best and worst of you, the deepest parts of you. I want to know the beat of your heart.
The box had been mailed from the city again, which didn’t help me at all, because the city wasn’t far away. Maine was preferable but even that wasn’t really far enough.
“Mabis said to drop it off tomorrow, but to put the owl and note in the bag.”
“Change your mind about coming? Guess he knows the house address.”
“Don’t Zac, I’m not going to argue over this.”
“I’ll rent an RV. Whatever you want. Private driver? Done. Want a private bus? I can do that too. I don’t understand why you’d rather be here and risk this guy coming in and hurting you or the baby.”
She turned to me and I could tell she’d been crying, her eyes were red and puffy.
“I am fully aware of the possibilities Zachary. I know you want to be there to protect me every waking moment, but you can’t always do that. I looked up symptoms and what to expect, I talked to your mom and Sarah and I made the decisions based on my personal comfort. I don’t want to feel bad because I wake everyone up puking my guts out, which can happen. Motion sickness can happen. I don’t want to feel bad or feel stupid if I can’t make it to the bathroom on time and have to change. Buses have one bathroom Zac, how many times have you and I waited because Taylor was in there? I can’t wait like that right now. I don’t want to have to be covered all the time because there are other men there, panties aren’t comfortable right now, I haven’t even bothered in over a week. Put yourself in my shoes Zac.”
“In an RV you could wear whatever you want, have bathroom access anytime.”
“But it’s an added expense we can’t afford right now. I don’t need an RV when everything I need is right here.”
“Except me, except protection. You’ll be alone here. You’ll be moving slower than you use to, you’ll be tired and weak at times. You think I haven’t looked up the symptoms? You’re already not sleeping at night because of him.”
“I’m not sleeping because I can’t get comfortable. We’ve done everything to ensure the house is as secure as possible.”
“I don’t..”
“I know you don’t want to leave me here alone and I know that if something does happen, you’ll never let me live it down. Come on Zac, you know me. If something happens, I’ll never let myself live it down. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, I was fully prepared to go. But, come on, nothing stops bullets Zac. If he wanted to hurt me there is no better time than a crowd of people who are focused on you. He can shoot me and never even be close.”
“I’d be there to help you.”
“I know, but I couldn’t help you when Simon shot you. Scream for 911 and that’s about it.”
“But if you’re here alone no one would even know, you could bleed to death before anyone even realizes there’s a problem. I don’t like this decision.”
“I knew you wouldn’t, it’s why I was going to wait to even mention it. I didn’t expect the conversation and before I could stop it I’d already said it. I want to be comfortable and not have to really worry about fans or opening acts. I want to sleep when I want too, paint when I want too, just enjoy it. I can’t do that on a bus or an RV.”
“Why did you come home today?”
“Because I knew that we were both upset and I’ve been here alone all afternoon. Aside from that, nothing weird has happened. Just because you’re on tour, doesn’t mean he’ll come here. I’m aware it doesn’t mean he won’t either.”
I hated this feeling, I could feel that her reasons were right. I’m not the one pregnant, I’m not carrying the baby or dealing with all the changes. I wasn’t dumb I knew she sometimes got sick, running to the bathroom was no lie and I know she kept clean clothes in case she didn’t make it. She did prefer the dresses and loose clothes. But, if he came and killed her what would I do? I did the only thing I thought would help. I slide my phone to her with the messages.
“He doesn’t believe I deserve you, he doesn’t believe that I’m not a skirt chasing whore. He doesn’t believe that I haven’t been with anyone but you since before we got married. He doesn’t believe I deserve you or the baby.”
She read the messages and slid it back. “I can’t ride Zac. I just can’t.”
“I don’t want you to be here alone.”
The room got quiet and she and I both didn’t move from our chosen spots. Neither of us willing to budge on our stance, but she had to know the risk of him coming here when she was alone, vulnerable, and unable to defend herself well was high. She finally sighed.
“I will ask Andrew and Jack if they can stay here while you’re gone. I’ll ask Sierra and Abby as well. I’m sure between the four of them I can have at least one of them here all the time. Even though I’d much rather be here alone. At least if he does come, I’m not alone. If they can’t a day or something, I’ll go to your parents. I know damn well they won’t reject the idea. I can’t tour Zac, it’s not going to be something I can compromise on there. It’s too expensive to rent an RV and pay a second driver. It’s too much hassle to deal with being pregnant and touring.”
She paused but when I started to speak she held her hand up.
“I wasn’t done. If he gets worse between now and the week before the tour, then I will go with you regardless of how uncomfortable and unhappy I’ll be. I don’t mean he keeps sending bullshit like this either, this is nothing but childish games. I mean if he breaks in again, if he shows his cowardly face, if he sends bloody baby clothes or something that indicates he’s escalated. Sending me ceramic owls with notes doesn’t count, I’m sure he’ll keep sending them.”
“You won’t ever be alone?”
“No. I’ll make sure that someone is with me. Someone we know we can trust which is basically those four. I cannot guarantee that they will be here 24/7, things happen Zac. But, if for some reason they aren’t then the alarm will be on high and I’ll call someone every hour I’m alone.”
“If he gets worse you won’t pull something else, you’ll go?”
“If he gets worse, I won’t argue with you. I’ll just command the entire lounge be my area.”
“I can deal with that either way. What if they can’t stay at all?”
She laughed. “You really think Sierra or Abby won’t trip over themselves to stay? If Abby is here…Andrew will be here. Jack loves me he’ll stay anytime I ask.”
“He does not love you.”
“As a friend he does, I’m sure he’s not sending these because he’s quite happy we’re pregnant.”
“I know, he said he knew before I told him.”
“Asked when we moved, guessed actually. I’m sure that between the four of them they will work it out so someone is here.”
“You realize that means we’d have to tell them why.”
She leaned over the counter. “Oh I know, which is why I am positive Sierra would be right here. You seen those messages she wrote to fans right?”
“She still loves you and I know she does.”
“She’ll do whatever she has to Zac, she’ll protect me. Jack and Andrew will and so will Abby.”
I took a deep breath, she was driving a hard bargain.
“If they can stay and he doesn’t get worse, I won’t find some creative way to get you on tour anyway. I won’t be happy being gone a month without you though.”
“I know but when it comes to not so little bean, it’s better and safer. Now, I’m starving.”
She’s fixed stroganoff and damn it was good, much better than anything fast food could provide. We caught up on one show before we headed up for a long bath and sleep. I was somewhat praying that all four of them would say no, but I knew Sierra wouldn’t. I also knew if I told Jack everything that was going on, I wouldn’t have to worry about her at all, he knew a lot of guys that were his size and some even bigger. He’d protect her. It wouldn’t stop me from worrying my ass off though!