Chapter 14: Stubbornness

POV: Gabby

Word Count: 3 800

April 20, 2009

My goal for today was not to do anything. Dr. Cortez said not to do that but really, I didn’t want to draw or paint or do anything. Zac had to be at the studio at 8 and I’d promised to lock the doors and not even go near a window. I just didn’t want to be around people today. I’d tolerate Zac because he lives here. I’d planned a long bath, a decent lunch, and some mind-numbing video games.

But, at 8:45 Zac was gently shaking me.

“Hey, wake up. You need to get ready.”

“Get ready for what? Why are you even here?”

“I called them at 7, told them I’d be late. You are going to see the doctor today.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You have an appointment at eleven with your primary, no arguments Gabriella. You passed out again yesterday and you weren’t even outside. It won’t hurt just to get an okay from a doctor.”

“I’d rather not leave the house and you knew that. I know you aren’t forgetful Zachary.”

“I know what today is just as much as you do. I also remember the weeks before that where I told you to see a doctor and you told me you were fine. Weeks you complained about abdomen pain and running made it worse and your appendix ruptured on a drive to the city. I’m not going to sit around and listen to you say your fine until I am rushing you the ER again. I have tried not to make you do anything, but this I am. Get up. Get ready or I’ll carry you out the damn door in the gown you have on.”

I blinked as he walked out of the room, he really hadn’t been demanding of anything. I laid back down though.

“I mean it Gabriella! If you think I won’t handcuff you and carry you there then you are wrong. I’m not doing ER over this.” He called.

I just didn’t want to go today, what if it was bad news? It’s after all what I got last year. I wake up from some routine surgery to find out I couldn’t give him what he wanted, I wasn’t stupid he wanted a bigger house for a family and I couldn’t give him that. I sat up in the bed, tried to ignore the pounding in my head.

I understood, I really did. I just didn’t want to go. Yet, considering the handcuffs were laying on top of his dresser I guessed that he was serious about his threat and the downside was he probably could get them on without much resistance. When he came back to the door to make sure I was at least up it was clear he wasn’t going to back down this time, he had before but not now.

“I know you don’t want to go today but it’s the only time they’re going to give me and I don’t feel right leaving you here alone when you’ve passed out twice already. That is not normal Gabriella. Worse case they tell me I’m worrying over nothing and you’re right. Best case they give you something to get rid of those headaches and you feel better instead of worse.”

Worst case was they told me I needed some kind of brain surgery or some weird shit. But, there wasn’t a use in arguing with him. So I got up and went to the bathroom, I needed a shower before going anywhere. However, as I was standing in the shower the really bad dizzy spell came and I felt lightheaded. But, It passed so I finished my shower and got dressed, I had to wear the newer bra, larger cup size and then find something that fit which was ironically a black skirt and a pale green t-shirt. I just slipped on flip flops, something quick.

“You went simple.” He said.

I shrugged. “There probably just going to draw blood, tell me come back.”

“I do like that look, this whole dress and skirt thing might suit you.”

I got a glass of water and looked at him. “You just like the ease of access they provide.”

“I’d be insane not to appreciate that.”

“You owe me a long bubble bath for this, I was intending to just stay in the tub until I was shriveled up.”

“Well, when we get home you can do that.”

He fixed us both a quick breakfast of oatmeal and then we left. I had him drive because I really wasn’t certain that I wouldn’t pass out. The doctor’s office signed me in and we had to wait, we were early though.

“I just want to go home.”

“We’re already here, already signed in. No point in leaving now.”

“You could have made it for tomorrow.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I asked for the first available.”

Sitting here though was a painful reminder of where I was a year ago, what had happened and how I just completely fell apart after that. A reminder that despite that he still thinks it was all possible. Dr. Cortez could tell me a million times that it wasn’t my fault, ultimately it was.

I was called back three minutes late and they did the normal height and weight, she went ahead and got a urine sample too, glad I had waited. She then put me in a room where they did the normal things. She asked why I was here and Zac basically told her before I could, including every complaint I’d had down to my finger hurting. She wrote several things down and then got up, checked my blood pressure.

“You’re blood pressure is up. I’m going to do some simple blood work for the moment, I want to see what your red and white counts are and some other things. I’m going to draw that and have you come back after lunch, if that’s okay?”

“Come back?” I asked.

She sat down. “You’re blood pressure could be causing everything else, I want to see though if there is any infections or abnormal counts, I’m going to run a bunch and it’ll take a few hours for it to come back. I have an opening at 1, I’ll have you rescheduled for that time and no additional charge.”

“We can come back.” Zac said.

She smiled and got what she needed which included like six tubes of blood. What were they checking for, everything under the sun?

“Did you turn into a vampire?” I asked.

She smiled. “No. Different tubes test different things. Sugar levels, blood cells, and things like that.”

When she was done labeling she let us go and now we had over an hour to kill. It wasn’t enough time to go anywhere but just down the road for ice cream.

“You’re still mad at me.” He said.

“I really didn’t want to leave the house today. I didn’t want to be around anyone else.”

“As I said at the house, I don’t want to be calling emergency services when this one appointment can prevent that.”

“Just don’t understand, that’s all.”

“I understand Gabby, I was there too you know. It wasn’t just you that lost something.”

“Wasn’t your fault though, you did everything you should have. You kept telling me to go. Not that it would have mattered.”

“It may have. But, we won’t ever know the answer to that. I didn’t have any more idea than you did. You have to move on from that.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

He was about to say something when his phone blared out, being as it was Isaac’s ringtone he answered. Thank you Isaac, this was bound to be a touchy subject but it didn’t matter because Zac didn’t seem that happy about whatever he was being told. When he hung up he checked something.

“What is it?”

“Well, what you didn’t want everyone to know. Max made sure everyone did.”

“What are you talking about?”

He slid his phone to me and the screen was their Twitter account, a tweet sent right to them asking why he was still married to me when I’d lost the baby. That he wasn’t “tied” to me now. Which of course set off a shit storm of replies, but what there is was a reply from the account, they knew it was true because I’d told them myself. They even had the exact date, today.

Of course a lot of the replies after that were shocked horror but I just slid the phone back to him.

“He was bound to do it, figured it would be today. Here I am, in the middle of the fucking city so everyone can ask instead of being at home in my bed where I want to be.”

I got up and tossed the rest of the ice cream, it really wasn’t making me feel any better anyway. I just waited in the car. I just wanted to fucking go home and hide. I ignored when Sierra called, I ignored when Abby called. Same went for Stella and Nicole, I knew they’d all seen the tweets by now. We went back to the doctor’s office but had to wait until 1:30 before she called me back. I came really close to making him stay in the waiting room.

I was confused though when she didn’t take me to a regular room, instead it was one with a sonogram machine. Perfect, just what I needed another organ that was fucking up somehow. She came in after a few minutes and sat down.

“I just want to confirm something before I say anything, just lay back and relax.”

Yeah, that made me feel so much better. Zac moved to the head of the bed and sat down out of her way, she got me comfortable before adjusting clothes and the gel was cold as fuck, but the wand was awfully low, then again the surgery had been lower abdomen too. I just stared at the ceiling above me, waiting for the eventual news of some other organ that was failing or not doing its job. Kidney maybe?

“You don’t look like you’re worried.” Zac said.

“I just wanted to confirm, we ran the test a few times which is why we called you back later but we kept getting both positive and negative results. The technician is actually testing the machine but this is one way to absolutely confirm or deny.”

“Confirm or deny what?” he asked.

She turned the monitor around and it was frozen on a screen. “To confirm or deny if she was pregnant, which you are.”

“Not funny. Not now. Not today.” I said.

“I’m not being funny Mrs. Hanson. You are pregnant.”

She did something on the machine and sound flooded the room, it kind of sounded like a up and down whooshing sound, almost near a galloping sound. It was fast and steady.

“What’s that?” Zac asked.

“The heartbeat. Which is steady and strong.”

That sound was a heartbeat? Did the first one ever have a heartbeat? Had he or she been alive at some point?

“When was your last period?” She asked.

The answer should have been right on my tongue, but it wasn’t.

“It was…”

Shit, when was the last one? I didn’t remember.

“I know you had one in February, right at the end of the month. What about March?” he asked.

How did he know and I didn’t? I tried to say that at some point since then I had but I don’t remember.

“I was due at the end of March, but I didn’t… I don’t…I was painting and the headaches I just never paid attention that it never came.”

“So, sometimes late February early March?”

“I think it was like the first or second day, I mean I was expecting it around the 28 th of March.”

She moved the wand and did something with the machine and I just stared at the screen, this little blob of grey almost bean shaped. I had to be delirious.

“I’m measuring roughly seven weeks, it’s estimating your due date to be looks like December fifth.”

“Is there a problem? You said you wanted to be sure.” Zac said.

“No problem. Uh, from what I can see everything is normal. Most of your symptoms are normal as well, the headache are caused by hormones and it’s possible the paint contributed to them, if so they should be tapering off now but if they are still bad in two weeks call me. The tenderness is normal increased breast size is normal. Nausea, vomiting, lightheadedness, it’s all normal. The fainting is not and the higher blood pressure is not, those could relate to painting or being tired. I’m going to recommend you avoid all paints for at least two weeks.”

She played the sound again and it was something we’d never heard before. Something I really didn’t want to hear because this meant this tiny ball of cells had a heart beat, he or she was alive. And when I lost this one it would be much worse.

“You’re file said you had a miscarriage before, correct?”

“A year ago today.” Zac said.

“You aren’t spotting or cramping?”

“No.”

“I’m going to draw some more blood, have it sent to an outside lab. Our machine said you were pregnant on the urine sample but it was negative on the blood. I want to make damn sure that it’s our equipment here, not your results. I should know by the end of the week.”

“Why retest them? You just confirmed it.”

“I want to be certain that the result I have are true.”

She did something else and once she had removed the wand and cleaned the gel off she had me sit up. She then handed me some pictures, more proof. I couldn’t look at them, I just handed them to Zac.

She used my other arm to draw more blood and then limited me to basically Tylenol for the pain medication. She then basically restricted me from doing any heavy lifting at all until she got the results, I was basically to rest and avoid paint. It was close to 3 when we left and he went by the house to check on the progress there first. I just sat in the car staring at the dash.

I was fine sitting here for several moments before the ice cream came up. Thankfully I got it outside the car and not inside. Zac was still inside and I just left the car walking. There was a stream at the very rear of the property, oddly our property line was in the middle of the stream. I sat down on the little rock bench that was here.

Pregnant…I didn’t even know what to feel at this point. I really didn’t want to call anyone or tell anyone because the odds of this one making it much longer was slim. The area was so quiet here with just a gentle rustle of the leaves and the sound of the water, so it wasn’t hard to know Zac was walking up behind me.

“If you’re trying to scare me fat chance, you’re like hitting every limb there is.”

“On purpose, I don’t want to scare you.”

He came around and sat down on the bench. “The carpet in the bedroom had to be removed, not because the mold but because the carpet is just very old. When they went to cut the door it just ripped underneath. So, we can put down new carpet or do wooden floors throughout.”

I shrugged. “Carpet is fine.”

“I figured that was your choice. Beyond that demo is basically done, they’re going to do the downstairs floors after finishing most of everything to prevent scratching. Not that you seem to care much about that right now.”

I just looked at him, I wasn’t blind I could tell he was happy. Shocked, but happy. I could tell the gears in his head were turning and it wouldn’t shock me if he already had an idea of where he wanted a nursery. I just couldn’t even think about that.

“Everything is fine Gabriella, you heard her.”

“I also heard she wanted to do blood work to make sure, because she wasn’t sure.”

“That doesn’t mean something is wrong.”

“Doesn’t mean everything is fine either Zachary. Doesn’t mean anything to me. I told you I wanted to stay at home.”

He slid over and I felt his arms around me. “I know it hurts Gabriella. I thought you moved past this?”

“Moving past it doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. Having her tell me every stupid thing I ever done didn’t contribute doesn’t mean I have to believe that.”

“But the problem is that you haven’t done anything bad enough to warrant that as punishment Gabby. You didn’t kill someone, you didn’t do an abortion. You beat up some girl and you paid your price back in community service and probation. You then said you didn’t want to do that again. What have you done that is so bad that you feel like you deserved to lose a baby and this one, I know that’s where this is going.”

“You wouldn’t classify being a whore as bad enough?”

“I don’t classify you as ever being a whore Gabby. Come on, you didn’t go to a street corner and be with fifteen different men a night. You were with them because you needed to survive. You can’t be blamed for that.”

He was quick to move me into his lap and I had to hold on from the dizzy feeling. “Thanks for the dizzy spell.”

“Sorry, look at me.”

I didn’t have much choice, what with being in his lap and facing him.

“You did nothing to deserve what happened. Nothing you’ve ever done is bad enough to warrant that. Stop believing you were ever a whore, you are not, I don’t want to ever hear you say that again. You’ve been the best thing in my life for years now and while I wish that last year was much better emotionally and physically, I can’t change that.”

“I can’t even remember a number Zac.”

“It can’t be that high, you aren’t much older than me you know. I love you and I am telling you nothing is wrong. The doctor said things looked normal and they are running the blood just to be sure. It’s a precaution.”

“What if it’s not just precaution? Seven weeks Zac that’s the same time, it’s…there’s…”

“I know, there’s no guarantee that it won’t happen, I’m not going to lie about that. There is always a risk. Which is why I think we shouldn’t tell anyone for a little bit. As much as I want to go straight to my parents house I think it’s better if we don’t. Not because I expect to have problems, but because maybe it’s best in case something does happen.”

I leaned over, using his shoulder as a perfect pillow. “No sex next March.”

“Why not?” He asked.

“Two years in a row? No. This shit is not happening every year.”

“What, you don’t think 12 months is a good age gap?”

“No. I don’t.”

I wasn’t going to deny that his arms around me felt good, the tiny little kisses to my neck felt nice too. But, I had to sit up before I fell asleep.

“I don’t know when I can be as happy as you until I know nothing will happen.”

“You can be happy now, because even if something does happen. I’ll still be here and if something does happen, we’ll find out why. If it means we have to do a surrogate too, we can.”

“Did she mention finding another doctor?”

“An OB, which you have one already. Let her blood work come back and then we’ll make one with that one. They’ll handle the rest of the appointments.”

“Are we suppose to go by the studio?”

“Yeah, Taylor actually said you had another package but it’s not a box. It’s an envelope.”

“We should probably go by then dinner, ice cream was good going down, not so much coming up.”

“Yeah. But, I don’t want to move.”

“Neither do I, but you owe me a bubble bath.”

I carefully got up and we went back by, I ventured inside quickly the amount of dust and debris however wasn’t really safe for me. We then headed to the studio where Taylor and Isaac were both hard at work at their desk.

“Figured you guys would have called a half day.” I said.

“Nope. We’ve been working on other things. What did the doctor say?”

“Not much really, just took like half my blood volume for tests. She’s sure it’s the paint, so no paint for two weeks of any kind.”

“Easy for you.”

“I can draw but no painting.”

I sat down at the desk and picked up the envelope. Like the other packages it was addressed to me, no return address and there was no idea who it was from. I peeled the top off and pulled out pictures. They were very good ones of me, close up and far off. Based on clothing, some of them were from walks but others were from around town. I leafed through them and then laid them down, inside was a folded sheet of paper and I opened it.

Maxwell Reed will no longer hurt you.

It was the same handwriting as the previous ones but since it’s saying he wouldn’t hurt me anymore, it kind of solidified that it was Simon sending them. Only Simon could make that kind of promise since he was basically controlling him.

“Gabby?”

“They are from Simon.”

I showed them the note and the photos and they agreed. Simon had sent Max and he failed, therefore he was removing him.

“Odds are he ordered him to leave you alone.”

“Probably, Simon is possessive. He doesn’t like failure either. That’s I guess a good thing.”

“Yeah. Well, let’s head home and get dinner and that bubble bath I owe you.”

“Damn Zac, do you ever stay out of the doghouse?” Ike asked.

“Most the time, yeah.”

But I was fine to leave and go home. He fixed dinner and we ate at the table, then he fixed my bubble bath and even joined me, foot rubs and neck rubs? I might could get use to this. Yet, he was asleep before me because while he had every ounce of faith that nothing would happen. I was fighting the steady stream of thoughts that said something would happen.

 

Sound of a 7 week Sonogram Heartbeat

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