Chapter 9: 20 Questions

POV: Gabby

April 6, 2008

Sierra had not known about Shawn, so when he showed up at Cain’s the first, she swore it was a April’s fool’s joke. She was shocked to realize it wasn’t a joke. Shawn and Grace came to the Tulsa show and Kansas City it was nice to have my big brother there and to see him and enjoy his company. Yet, as good as it was for him to be there, it didn’t stop everything else, just gave me a chance to ignore it.

Simon had increased his text message, which included the customary come back to me and promises, but it was clear he was realizing that wouldn’t happen, because at the first of April the pictures of his cock became pictures of him having sex with someone. E-mail wise he was up to our times, over the weekend I’d gotten the ones from that January, it sucked to see those again.

Zac hadn’t just skipped Seattle, he skipped Oregon for the same reason. But I told him in Nevada it didn’t matter what two or three said, he didn’t need to punish the other forty waiting to see him. Yet, I was still blamed for the two he didn’t attend and I had tried to get him to go out. Instead of decreasing the amount of negative message they increased, fans that didn’t care before now did. I had eventually turned off the notifications for Twitter and Instagram because it was constantly going off.

We’d arrived in Des Moines, Iowa early and I was ready when Carrick and Austin prepared to run. I wanted to run so everything would be pointless.

“Gabs.” Carrick said.

“Don’t even argue.”

“The last two times you’ve had to walk back, I think you should relax.” Austin said.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll run with her.” Zac said.

I hadn’t even known he’d gotten up but Carrick and Austin high tailed it and I waited on Zac instead.

“You really want to run?”

“I do it sometimes, I just don’t always have time.”

He chose a path for us and we headed out, Zac didn’t run as fast as the other two though but it didn’t matter, I at least made it three-quarters of the way before the nagging pain forced me to stop. It was the same side and same location, which was the right side. It took both of us time to be able to breathe well enough to talk.

“Baby, I think you need to stop running until you see the doctor again.”

“Saw him the second, he said everything was fine. There didn’t seem to be any problems I even mentioned the pain.”

“Did he say anything about it?”

“No. Told me to maintain whatever I was doing. Upped me to 25 pounds on the arm and that was it.”

“Maybe you should do walks instead of runs then, when we get back we’ll get you to a primary.”

“With what? You do know they charge for visits.”

“Yeah, a co-pay. I added you to my plan Gabby. You’re covered, you’ll see someone when we get home.”

When had he done that? Why didn’t I know about it?! Come to think of it, I hadn’t even seen a bill from the hospital. Had he taken that too? We walked back to the bus, which was parked near the venue. By the time we got back the others were back too and I sat in the front, the walk back had eased it but it sucked either way.

Isaac was sitting at his laptop, probably doing tour related paper work or something, I wasn’t even sure anymore. I didn’t even ask but Zac sat a plate in front of me a few minutes later. I knew I couldn’t ignore the plate especially when he sat down beside me, trapping me at the table.

“Whatcha up to Ike?”

“Checking the site, uploading some of her pictures from Seattle too. Taylor approved of course. Checking messages and e-mail. Nicole is wedding planning, she wanted to give us time to truly plan. She’s is thinking dates so she’s been tossing out a few and a reason.”

“Any hopefuls?”

“Well, she excluded birthdays of family members but we were kind of thinking about the date of our first date.”

“When was that?” I asked.

“June 8 th.”

“Could be a good time for a summery wedding, outdoors or the beach, or something warm.”

“She did mention kind of wanting something outside, we both have a fairly decent size family.”

“She has no brothers or sisters does she?” I asked.

“No. Nicole is an only child, but she has a ton of cousins.”

I didn’t know if Shawn and I had cousins, to my knowledge we only had one another. I’d also not met any of their aunts or uncles, most lived in the city. Although, they all knew Zac was married now.

“What’s the topic here?” Tay asked.

“Weddings.” Zac chirped.

“Uh…maybe I should go back to bed.”

“Why? You don’t ever plan to ask Stella?” I asked.

“I did not say that!”

“Maybe sooner than she expects, since you were looking at engagement rings last week.” Isaac said.

“Looking, I didn’t buy anything.”

“Would you want a summer wedding?” I asked.

“Not unless we’re inside someplace. I think she mentioned wanting something in the fall, like August or September, maybe even October.”

“So, are you looking?” Zac asked.

He shimmied in sliding Isaac into the corner with his entire little set up, Ike looked a little perturbed but nothing he didn’t really mind.

“Looking, yes. I just haven’t decided when to ask. I can’t do Christmas or New Years now.”

“Sorry.” Ike and Zac said.

“Her birthday.” I said.

“What about it?”

“Are you sure brown is your natural color? Oh..Wait..you were blonde for a long time. Ask her on her birthday, do a romantic dinner and forget the parties. Make it about her.”

“Yet you never thought to tell me?” Zac asked.

I picked at the fruit he’d put in front of me. “She and I talked about it and she said she didn’t think she wanted anything spectacular like ballpark lights and banners. She wasn’t sure if he would be asking but when I asked what she always wanted that’s what she told me. Not really her birthday, but a nice dinner and something personal.”

“Why couldn’t you meet her before Zac?” Ike asked.

“Because you two hired guys?”

“Surely you could have found her some other way.” Isaac said.

“Sure, have you heard Simon’s band?” He asked.

“No.” They said.

He spent four minutes actually playing a video and Isaac and Taylor both cringed.

I picked at fruit until I’d actually eaten the whole plate, which wasn’t even my intention. They continued to talk back and forth, moving from potential wedding plans for Isaac to updates to the blog, to possible song ideas. I wondered if after two hours they forgot I was even sitting here. I just leaned back and checked the phone, didn’t shock me there were photos tagged of us running this morning. Didn’t shock me either that everyone agreed I should run and he shouldn’t. Apparently he was just there to make me run because he knew I needed too also. I no longer seen Abigail respond to any of them, of course the last time she did they went after her too. Can’t blame her.

A message from Simon came in and since I couldn’t do anything else I opened it.

Running? Well, I must say I never thought you needed too. But, then again it does look like you gained a shit ton of weight.

I deleted it without replying and erased the notifications too, why bother? The entire day was spent just being lazy as fuck on the bus. We left for dinner and that’s about it. Most of the day I spent trapped in the corner listening to them, when they did move I was pulled into a campaign on Call of Duty, I was getting quite good on that game because it did let me take out some frustration. I tried drawing that afternoon and it just wasn’t coming out like I wanted. When I just let go I ended up with another nude one of Sierra or something of her face. I actually laid down early only to really stare at the ceiling.

April 12, 2008: Madison, WI

This was the 4 th show since Sunday. I was helping more but still maintaining the 25 pound limit, but I could assist in the set up and break down more than I could before, which greatly helped cure the boredom and reduced my time on computers and phones. I was sitting at the drums finishing up when Sierra walked across the stage. I found myself watching her cross the stage and even back.

“You use to take pictures.” She said.

I didn’t say anything, I use to do a lot of things differently. I went back to the little screws but then I felt hands on my shoulders.

“So tense Kitten. Surely Zac is taking good care of you.”

“Tense doesn’t always mean lack of sex.”

Her fingers felt quite good there on my shoulders, was kind of easing the mild headache I had.

“Are you running today?”

“I doubt it, Carrick and Austin cut out way early and I couldn’t.”

“Walking then for sure?”

“Always.”

“Don’t think I will today.”

I moved away some and fixed one of the hinges, she took the hint and left me alone. When I finished I actually played, I was clear for that which also told me to make some minor adjustment. By the time everything was set up it was close to the walk so I changed shirts and met them in the front, I saw the route and knew where they were headed before we went out. I moved away from them though, trying to distance myself so it didn’t feel like I was just walking to watch Zac. I even let everyone leave first and followed the last several fans.

“You don’t seem worried letting him wonder amongst the girls.”

I turned my head some, brunette girl with a group of others, maybe five or six girls all brunettes.

“I have no need to worry.”

Really, it was still cold, most everyone walking had jackets and long sleeve, turtle necks and pants. Even I had my jacket on and so did the boys. Unless they flashed him or some shit what was he going to see?

“Did he really take that girl back in Iowa?”

“No. She gave him a card but he threw it away.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. I watched him.”

I moved forward some, trying to get away from them. I rather liked when no one talked to me. But they followed and her friends kind of blocked my path back.

“You watched him? Sounds kinky. Do you watch him like you watched your exes?”

I looked at her totally confused. “What are you talking about?”

“James told a fan in Tulsa that you liked to watch him jack off, do you still do that? Have you watched Zac?”

James? It took way to long for me to remember anyone by that name and then it came to me, James was an ex one that I was around shortly after coming back from tour with Newton.

“What I do or don’t do in the bedroom is really none of your business.”

“Have you watched him?”

“Again, it’s none of your business.”

“I’d bet she has, probably watched with some of the women he’d been with recently too.”

I didn’t bother to reply to that, it wasn’t her business or anyone’s really. We paused for the talk and they kept on, speculating what I did do. I was trying my damnedest to be like Stella and Nicole, nice to them all. To ignore every word they spoke that irritated me. Yet, they kept on.

“Is he really that big? I mean we’ve heard girls talk but we figured it was just talk.”

“Come on Gabriella, we know you want to talk. Just tell us that.”

“Did you enjoy the cake to your face? I mean you looked like you were going to cry.”

I took a deep breath and dug my nails into my arm. I could not hit them, that wasn’t me anymore. I was so glad the middle walk speech ended and we began to walk again, I tried to get away from them, but they just followed me and kept on. I increased my speed but the hill we went up was brutal and my right side started to cramp up a quarter of the way. I wasn’t going to slow down, they would just keep on asking me questions. Ones I wouldn’t be answering. Yet by the halfway point the mild pain was getting much worse.

“What’s the matter? So out of shape you can’t even make the hill?”

“You know that’s true Flora, how many photos of her eating are there out there?”

I kept walking I could see Taylor’s head in front of me if I could reach him then he could get them to shut up. Flora was the one talking the most apparently, but just over three quarters I had to stop, the mild pain was sharp and despite the cold weather I was sweating badly. It really wasn’t normal.

“What’s the matter Gabs? Can’t keep up? Should maybe lay off the donuts and ice cream.”

I leaned against the fence, I felt her turn me around and that was before multi-colored hair was in my face, bright blue and blonde and I felt the relief.

“Like you have any fucking room to talk about ice cream and donuts? Bitch please, she is fucking perfect compared to you. You need to keep on walking.”

“Sierra.” I said.

She didn’t even turn around, Flora said something I didn’t catch and before I could stop her Sierra had slapped her. That shut her and the friends up, also caused a ripple effect. No! That’s not what I wanted! Yet, no one stopped walking, Flora looked flushed and I could no longer hear what they were saying for the sound of my own heart beat pounding in my ears. But I saw them scurry away to catch up.

“Kitten?”

“I’m fine.”

“You are sweating profusely and your face is very red. Something is wrong.”

“My side is hurting, same place the fucker stabbed me at.”

“Come on, we’ll take a short cut and get you off the damn hill.”

“I’m fine.”

“Don’t argue with me. I’m fairly certain you haven’t told Zac about those e-mails and you really don’t want me to tell him. So, walk your ass with me.”

“Why don’t you mind your own business? I’m not with you Sierra. I’m not your kitten. I’m not anyone’s kitten! Just stop. I don’t need a defender and I don’t need someone to take care of me all the fucking time. When I did need that no one was there. I can find my own fucking way back.”

I turned up the hill, without them I could just take it slower.

“Stop being so fucking stubborn. Goddamn, that’s what Newton meant by that.”

“Newton didn’t fucking mean anything. Just another play toy to him.”

“He loved you.”

“He loved me enough to marry the bitch he cheated on me with, enough to lie to me about it.”

I wasn’t quite aiming to catch up to the group and I know she was behind me, I could hear her heels on the pavement. I didn’t bother with the front door, I went to the bus where I had something to take for the pain. I’d taken the Tylenol and sat down in the front and had ten minutes before Zac came onto the bus.

“Gabby? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Sierra said a group of fans were bothering you?”

Fuck, could I just slap her and shut her up? She didn’t have to run and tell him everything they did!

“They were just asking questions, ones I’m not answering.”

Him kneeling in front of me was new. “What questions?”

“They just want to know sex stuff, they’re not getting answers. She over reacted and I’m sure she slapped one.”

“She did. Carrick and Austin are dealing with that. Is your side still bothering you? Just walking?”

“I was speed walking and I got too hot. I’m fine.”

“Maybe you should back off the walks until you see a doctor.”

“You just want me to what? Do nothing?”

“I didn’t say that, just maybe you are overdoing it. Baby you got stabbed, twice. It could be something else and obviously it’s getting worse the more you do. It only bothers you when you run and walk fast, maybe it’s the movement. I’d rather not make this worse before you see a doctor.”

“But..”

“No buts Gabby. Your health comes before these walks. I know you do it for the cause and not to watch me. Yeah I know what they think you are doing, but I know why. When we get home we can get you in to see a doctor.”

“Okay.”

“Are you okay now?”

“Yeah, the Tylenol is kicking in.”

“You want to hang out here on the bus? I’ll bring dinner to you.”

“I’m fine, I’ll go back inside.”

He shimmied himself forward until I had to move my legs out so he could get closer to me. He pulled me to him and kissed me.

“Fans are curious Gabby, they want to know every detail. I’m sure Stella and Nicole have encountered the same things. If they go too far, then let me know. I don’t answer the questions either. Just don’t let them bother you, if you have to call me. I don’t have a problem telling them they’ve overstepped it. Our fans know our private lives are private.”

I just laid my head on his shoulder, I wasn’t really use to someone caring to this extent. I was about to tell him about the e-mails, constant twitter and Instagram messages but Isaac came on and called him for sound check. So, instead I followed him inside and just watched from the sideline. It was easier to not stress them out about things. The show went great, no hiccups and packing up that night went well. He went out to sign but I limited my trips to the trailer, wondering if maybe I was overdoing things. Once the trailer was loaded and everything was back on the bus we got on, they came in about thirty minutes after us and we headed to Green Bay, another short trip but it was good to travel. Sierra didn’t say anything to me and looked rather pissed, I had no idea what they’d done for her hitting the girl. I went to bed early but when I determined I wasn’t going to sleep I got down in Zac’s bunk, he was still awake but the pillows and blankets smelled like him. When my phone buzzed I was confused but picked it up anyway.

Want company?

I smiled. Yes. Please.

I heard him declare he was tired and going to bed. A few minutes later he was joining me. I really didn’t mind the very close quarters of these bunks, it was pleasant.

“Good night Gabriella.”

I should tell him but I was just too tired and sleepy and being held was a good feeling that sleep took over far too soon.