Chapter 6: Unsure
POV: Zac
March 1, 2008
We were on our way to Montana, the show was the 4 th but we had a brief hotel stay here. The drive would be less than eleven hours including multiple stops for refueling and breaks. The first part of this tour was spread out and allowed longer breaks, but the second half would be much more frequent as we hit about every place on the east coast.
Gabriella was currently sitting behind me on the sofa reading her nook, she mentioned downloading a drawing book so she was stuck on that book for the moment. She had drawn some things but she hadn’t really showed anyone and her face often seemed confused when she was. She was being very weird too, since she saw Sierra Monday she’d been rather clingy. When she wasn’t setting up she was right near me. Not that I was minding her being near me, I was just wondering why.
She acted very differently around Sierra, she hardly would speak and when she did it was to divert the conversation away from herself. Because naturally, everyone wanted to know more about her and who else was the best to ask? Sierra seemed shocked she gotten married but I hadn’t really heard them talk about anything.
“You are going down!” Carrick yelled.
We were in a very competitive game of Call of Duty, which was another reason she was here instead of in bed.
“No way, you know I am going to win and blow you up.”
“Bullshit, you aren’t Gabriella. Only she blows me up and usually you as well. Hell, she wins more than us just by accidentally blowing everyone up!”
“She does not do that accidentally, she does that on purpose.”
“No way. Not Gabs.”
“You guys know I can hear you right? I’m like a foot away from you.”
“Yes.” We said.
She rolled her eyes at us. “I do not do it on purpose, unless you piss me off and then yes, I am going to grenade your butts into next week.”
I paused and so did he. “Seriously? That’s why you do it?”
She smiled at us. “I don’t give away all my secrets.”
“How is the book?”
“Informative. It’s got good techniques for shading, line works, even depth. It’s a great read and you should check it out when you aren’t being blown up.”
I turned and sure enough I was dead. “Carrick!”
“Gabriella is the perfect distraction for you.”
“Fuck you.”
We started another campaign and she kept reading, but when she got tired she laid the nook down and watched.
“You can go to bed Gabs.”
“I’m fine, playing solitaire on the phone.”
“Simon hasn’t been sending anything?” Carrick asked.
“Every day, least he laid off the dick pictures.”
Carrick looked over at her. “Dick pictures?”
“It’s what he normally sends me, because apparently I love his dick so much it’s enough to get me back with him.”
“Ironic isn’t it?” Zac asked.
“Pretty sure the only dick she wants now is attached to you, Zac.”
“Oh, I love it when he sends me dick pictures. Those I could totally stare at for hours.”
I felt my face heat up some and know he diverted his attention to me.
“Really Zac? You once told me you’d never do that.”
“She’s special, she won’t share them with the world.”
“Let me guess she doesn’t mind sending you the same type?”
“Oh no, the ones I get are so much more evil.”
Gabriella giggled behind me. “I just know what to send to get what I want. But, back to topic. Zac here sends some, but Simon will send like time lapse pictures from start to finish, I couldn’t care a less really what he’s doing or with who.”
“Doesn’t he like, want you to come back?”
“Yeah. He’s just delusional.”
“So…any reason why Sierra calls you kitten?”
I’d been wondering about that for days myself because anytime Sierra wanted her attention it’s what she called and each time this unreadable emotion passes over her face. Truthfully, the nickname or word pisses me off, because the only person that should be calling her that is me. I’d heard Gabriella ask her to use her first name, but she just kept using Kitten. I was sure there was some reason why, but it just irritated me to hell when she used it. It was like a nickname for lovers.
They weren’t lovers.
But the looks they exchanged made me question whether Gabriella did love her or not, Sierra often looked smitten with her and I’d caught her staring at her more than once. She even joined a walk and purposefully walked behind Gabriella, I swear her eyes stayed on her butt the whole time!
“Just what she called me then.”
“Surely you done something to obtain the nickname. Were you a crazy kitten girl?”
“No, but I’d rather not discuss it.”
“You never do. Come on, you know our drummer and we don’t.”
He moved back some and I glanced back, recognizing that face really well.
“I said I’d rather not discuss it, which means I’m not going to answer any questions at all about her or then.”
“Okay.”
He moved back to the game and I tried to focus, but my thoughts kept drifting to the back. She had pictures with Tera, but not Sierra. There was just that one of her sitting in her lap. I was sure that Newton took more but did he not keep them? Were they just not that close? It always felt tense when they were around one another and I was positive Gabriella wasn’t jealous or concerned she’d come to me. Speaking of tense, the three of us looked up when Sierra came in.
“You two are loud when you play, good thing I couldn’t sleep. But, how the hell does your brothers sleep?”
“They’ve had years to get use to it.” I said.
I felt Gabriella move some, getting closer to me.
“Kitten when did you start wearing footie pajamas?”
I couldn’t bitch much, the Star Wars footie pajamas were my absolute favorite of hers and the ones she had on now.
“It’s warmer and helps if I toss the cover off.”
“You use to not care about that.”
Sierra smiled a bit, playful grin that insinuated a lot more, there was even a slight eye brow wiggle!
“Seven years Sierra, things change.”
“They don’t change that much Kitten.”
“Why the hell do you call her that?” Carrick just burst out, based on his look he hadn’t really meant to say that out loud.
“Well..”
“The reason why she calls me a name is of no important Carrick. Back the fuck off.”
He blinked, Sierra stopped mid-sentence and I turned to look at her. That was a sudden change but she didn’t look pissed off.
“Right, you’re right. I um..won’t ask anymore.”
“I don’t mind saying why Kitten, you use to not care about the why. Use to love when I told people why.”
I swear Gabriella tried to jump over me, clearly she didn’t want to be in the room with her! Sierra and Carrick looked as confused as I did when she went out of the room, slamming, or at least trying to, the door as she went up front. I was sure she was going to the driver’s area, it’s where she went last time she got that irritated and pissed.
“Carrick I call her Kitten because…”
Carrick held his hand up about the same time I did.
“It’s obvious that she doesn’t want me to know Sierra. It’s fine.”
“Likewise, she doesn’t want us to know and maybe it’s better to not say it and it might be best if you follow her wish and call her something else.”
“It’s hard to do Zac, it’s all I’ve ever called her. Except Skye, which she seems to hate as much as Kitten.”
“Either way.” I said.
She didn’t say anything else so we finished the campaign and then I went to find her, she’d moved to the stairwell of the bus, just watching the endless miles of the concrete pass by. I sat down behind her, DJ giving me a weird look.
“Why do I get the feeling that if we weren’t going 80 down the expressway you’d have run away.”
“I’m fine, just irritated me that no one seems to listen.”
“Carrick wouldn’t let her tell him and neither will I. Despite the fact that I want to know more than he does.”
“Stupid nickname for a stupid teenager, that’s your reason. I should go to bed, try to sleep.”
“Simon?”
“He’s backed off a bit today.”
“Let’s go to bed then.”
We got up and I pulled her down into mine, it wouldn’t be the first or the last, she just didn’t seem to sleep well anywhere else. It wasn’t quite the most comfortable but it worked.
March 5, 2008
Gabriella and I had cut out Monday to visit a few places around Billings, Montana. We had gone to a wild life sanctuary because I was trying to get her to relax and I was hoping a day away from everyone would help. The wildlife sanctuary had coyotes and Gabriella seemed intent to learn about them very much. They even allowed a picture of her with them, which was now my lock screen photo. They also had bears, foxes, owls, and a whole assortment of wild animals. We’d left there and gone to another location in which Taylor joined us because he showed up when we did, Pictograph Cave State park, which had caves and original pictographs which were amazing. The day had helped Gabby, she’d seemed relaxed and calm and then we got back and it went to hell. So I quickly planned another day!
Our first stop for today had been the Moss Mansion it was a preserved home from the Moss family and it was over a 100 years old! The tour had gone for an hour and it was a good calming thing to do, but I wasn’t done yet. We had a huge lunch and then I drove us into the mountains again.
“We’ve been to the caves.”
“I know, we’re not going there.”
She leaned back and waited, I parked in front of Bitter Creek Ranch and got out, but she was a bit confused until she saw the sign for horseback riding.
“You seriously are trying to butter me up for something.”
“No buttering up, just want you to relax before you end up slapping someone.”
We got registered and while the idea of riding a horse didn’t sit well with me, I found the saddle to be comfortable, as long as this 300-lbs animal didn’t want to gallop. We had a guided tour for an hour and it was nice to see that she was enjoying this activity. I couldn’t help but tweet a picture of her it was just too perfect not too. After an hour we got to explore a bit on our own, a path they laid out for newbie’s. We were walking quietly along the path, enjoying the scenery, which was breathtaking even in the winter months. The thick jackets, gloves, and hats were helping greatly to keep us warm, the day was also rather warm for this time of the year.
“Sierra use to call me Skye, she didn’t call me Kitten until May of 2000. It wasn’t until after we had sex. She told me afterwards that Kitten was what she was going to call me from now on because she’d never heard anyone purr like that. I was going to be her little sex kitten. It’s why no one else needs to know, I’d much prefer the fact that we’ve had sex remain a secret from the other men on the bus.”
I blinked, I knew there had to be some reason, I seriously didn’t think it was that reason!
“I don’t recall ever hearing you purr.”
“I do with you sometimes, but it’s not something that occurs often.”
“Maybe I need to be asking her how.”
“You don’t need to ask her anything. I’d much rather not even speak about it.”
“Why? I know she’s your past Gabby. I know where you want to be.”
Even if at times I really was hard to comprehend that feeling. Because I did feel like she did love her still, but that she didn’t regret something.
“I never expected to see her again.”
“Understandable, you just seemed to need some time away from them. Hence our day.”
“You promised me a date day anyway, multiple ones in fact.”
“I did. I think I out did myself this time though.”
“Naa.”
“Has Simon really slacked off?”
“Yeah, I don’t get as many text messages anymore. It’s quite pleasant to not see a hundred from him.”
“What about Max?”
She sighed. “Nothing since I updated him and he said he didn’t give a shit that I was just being stupid. I haven’t bothered since then. Abigail is doing well though, she went back to school and said her grades have come up. She seems to be adjusting well to breaking up with him.”
“Did she say how he was handling that?”
“I assume he’s fine with it, doesn’t matter if he’s not. He practically told her that he wanted to be some polygamist guy and have several wives, he thought we’d be the first two. As she said, she’s a one man woman and she wants a man that thinks the same way, likewise we don’t share.”
“He couldn’t keep up with you both anyway, hell he can’t keep up with you.”
“Hey, you’re doing a great job of keeping up with me.”
“Yes, and there is only you. I can’t ever see myself not being happy with a single person.”
“Evidently he’s not. He apparently liked when I was there on the side and he had dates. Makes me wish I hadn’t been so stupid then.”
“You aren’t stupid. Heard from Shawn?”
“He’s been working his ass off at the hospital, him and Grace both. They want to take a vacation soon and they need the extra money and the time.”
“It seems like he likes this Grace.”
“She’s nice. A little curt at times.”
We rounded the trails and headed back to the ranch, despite the gorgeous views the temperature was beginning to drop.
“So, your mom kind of hinted that she is okay without something but she kind of wants something.”
I looked at her confused. “Say what?”
“When we were shopping in January and stopped for pastry and she stared a long time at the wedding cakes, frowned even. I think she really wants something else.”
“She told Isaac she wanted one and that she didn’t want to ask because she understood things were different for us.”
She seemed to be thinking about something and then she turned to me.
“So why not give her what she wants?”
I blinked several times and just looked at her. “Are you positive?”
“Well, why not? We’re married already.”
“I thought you wanted to wait for like a year.”
She pulled back on the reigns and the horse slowed a bit, so I did the same.
“When I said that I didn’t know your parents, I didn’t understand why you freaked out about them finding out. I didn’t know how important it would be for your parents and especially your mom to have that moment, those memories. Because I never had parents that would be disappointed in what I did. Julian and Jacob didn’t even care that I left, so I figured no one would care that I got married. Let’s face it Zac, no one did and the ones that did care just wanted me to null it.”
I wondered if that was the ultimate problem here or if this was a distraction, but she did have a point.
“Did you have something in mine already? Because I wasn’t even thinking that direction yet.”
“Not really, I never really thought about it.”
“Well, they’re not rushing us so we have time.”
We made it back to the ranch and got the horses put back up and then headed to dinner reservations in town. I’d have seriously just gone back to the hotel but the people fucked up and we ended up sharing with my brothers. Which to say that was awkward would be an understatement, I was use to sharing but they weren’t use to me sharing a bed with someone else. Nor was my cock use to that because at least twice I had to lay there and pretend it wasn’t my wife laying there.
I still liked that. My wife. We had dinner and talked a little bit more about the concept of a wedding, something formal. We made it back to the hotel about 7 and went up to the room. Found them playing cards.
“You guys have a good time?” Isaac asked.
“We did. We went horseback riding.”
She showed them the pictures she’d taken and I sat down on the bed.
“Seems like the two of you had fun. The ranch is awesome looking!”
“It was a great day.”
It would have been a lot better if I had been able to have a private room without them or at least a shower with her. God knows I totally missed home because it was much easier to get her alone whereas the bus and the tour just wasn’t easy at all. I’d looked forward to this stay but then curse me for sharing with them! Although, I guess it’s better I share with them than Sierra, I couldn’t handle being trapped in a room alone with her and Sierra, there was enough tension on the bus. She showed them the pictures and talked to them for a bit before we were getting ready for bed, inside she was wearing a long gown, it kept her covered but fuck it was very temping in the middle of the night, just slid it up and slide the panties over, but not with Isaac and Taylor snoring in the same room! We did go to bed at a decent time after watching some random program Isaac chose. Thankfully sleep came quickly.