Chapter 41: Redemption

POV: Gabby

 

October 9, 2016

I think everyone on the bus was walking while they slept. We’d had a mild break Sunday and most everyone just slept all day. The constant promo’s, long days, and long nights were adding up though.

The couple that asked for the canvases had picked them up as we promised and they loved them, so it was time well spent and a payday well earned as I’d asked for 500 for them both and the check they wrote was for a thousand and they refused to drop it. I really hadn’t thought anyone would want my stuff, let alone pay that much for it.

But they said the quality and attention to detail was sometimes rarely seen in paintings, despite their prices. It was why they bid so high on the pasture scene because the horses looked real and at first glance they thought it was a picture and not a painting. I credited my detail to Shawn because he often told me if I was doing realistic paintings then the details had to be correct.

We were in Orlando for two days, they had the member’s only event yesterday and the concert today. Two different venues were used which sucked because we had to move everything after setting it up. But the event had gone well, fans showed up including Bailey and Quinn, but Ella had been with the sitter. They promised to bring her today for a little while before the show.

We moved everything from the first venue by truck to the second, so I was now inside making sure the placement was right, the boys were off doing promo again. They were walking at 2:30 so they should be back about 1:30.

I was sitting down to check the drums when Sierra went across and I followed her in that cat suit. Solid black cotton suit that hugged her curves and moved with her, it was a halter top style that exposed a lot of her back. She paused and looked at me.

“Like what you see Kitten?”

“I was thinking that was mine actually.”

“It was yours, you left it behind a long time ago.”

“It fits you better, it was too tight across my ass.”

She changed directions and came to the drums where I was, that suit was so tight on her that this close I could tell she hadn’t bothered to wear panties. She straddled my lap and I had to force myself to look up to her face and not at the little pillows of cleavage. She smiled.

“Come on, stop playing that shit Simon taught you. Do something you use to do for me.”

“He doesn’t have enough drums for that, you know that he doesn’t.”

“Be creative. You don’t always have to match tone for tone, you can bring it down to a more simplistic level.”

I slipped my foot over the pedal carefully. “Pick a song.”

For several moments she stood there, I feel the heat radiating off her body. “Sex metal barbie.”

“Oh, a favorite of yours.”

It took me a moment to remember the song, I hadn’t heard it in a long time. But I finally moved my foot to the beat, I really didn’t have enough drums for this song but I could do the basics and it would be basic. She was distracting though, so close and that suit was just begging me to unzip it but I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t add anything else so she stepped behind me. I could hear her singing the lyrics as I just used the bass drum and a cymbal.

I know I don’t belong in this scene; sex metal barbie, homicidal queen; Excuse me can you tell me the worst thing you’ve heard about me; Maybe that I’m a little harlot homicidal queen; You know I heard I don’t belong in this scene; Sex, metal, barbie, whore, attention fiend

I picked up the sticks on the way back through and there was some feeling of remembering that 17 year old me that just wanted to be free. I could hear those words in my ear and could feel her skin against my hands. Could remember how she made me feel back then, the way she always was supportive and nice.

Yet, somewhere the beat changed to another song, one that I’d obsessively listened to when I got to Tera’s. I felt her hands on my shoulders as the words began to fall from my lips, familiar as any other song.

You don’t know how hard I fought to survive; waking up alone when I was left to die You don’t know about this life I’ve led; all these roads I’ve walked; All these tears I’ve bled So how can this be? You’re praying to me; as I look in your eyes; I know just what that means; I can be, I can be your everything. I can be your whore; I am the dirt you created; I am your sinner; and your whore But let me tell you something baby; you love me for everything you hate me for…

 

There wasn’t any lyrics that I missed and when I finally laid the drum sticks down in the holder she wasn’t standing so close to me anymore. But of course Zac was standing in front of the stage looking confused and very unsure, Taylor and Isaac looked stunned. Carrick just clapped.

“Best concert I’ve been too. Not sure I like the song choices though, I request an Everybody Else song next time.”

I got up and walked out, she was pulling the same bullshit she had before. I couldn’t quite control my actions around her and this wasn’t good. I had to have control now because I didn’t want to fuck up when it came to Zac. I was glad Zac followed me to the back.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, just…tired. Who’s going with me to get lunch? I know fans are lining up.”

How the hell do I tell my husband that I was feeling like throwing her down? I’d never do it, not now but the thoughts were still there. Rambling in my brain and making me remember feelings I’d forgotten.

“Security guard is going, they are here already.”

“You’re back…early.”

“One of the radio shows canceled on us.”

“Okay. Where am I even going? Haven’t been told anything when it came to lunch or dinner.”

“There is a country style restaurant down the street, there doing like catering. The order was placed earlier and Austin is going with you to help along with a venue security guard.”

“Okay.”

I met with Austin and Victor, a huge fucking guy and if he couldn’t protect me no one could! We went out a side door and the guard drove us the few blocks, but because we had several trays of things the car was needed and appreciated. Picking up lunch was an easy process and they helped load the multiple trays and once back Carrick and another guard came out to help unload. As we walked to and from the car to the door I saw a few fans pointing, whispering and I ignored them.

A large portion of the comments I’d seen were positive but there were a few negative ones and I’d rather not deal with them yet. Once back inside we sat down for lunch. The walk was next so I sent Bailey a message to see where she was. She said she was number 60 in line, so I told her to make her way to the front of the line before the walk.

“You walking today?” Zac asked.

“I’m going to walk with Bailey and Quinn, uh..anyone else need to be with me?”

“I’ll ask Victor to shadow you, just in case. I haven’t seen Damien in a while though.”

“Okay.”

We found Victor who agreed and he came out with me to the front where Bailey was standing about ten feet down.

“Bailey!” I called.

She turned and smiled and headed my way, people letting both of us through. I hadn’t really been able to do much more than smile and wave the day before. I had been so busy setting up and ensuring those that were present were suppose to be there, so I gave her a hug despite the fact people around us were confused about why.

“You look so good to have a five month old!”

“Girl, Florida weather is perfect. I take her and we go walking daily and I’ve began to jog a bit too. It has helped greatly.”

“It sure does have perfect weather, but very hot.”

“Ella loves the beach though. Quinn is on his way up, he had her laying down in the car for her nap.”

“No problem. How is being a mom?”

“It’s fantastic! She’s just the light of our lives.”

I could hear someone ask someone else if I was Gabby, so I turned and smiled.

“I am Gabby. You are?”

They looked a little stunned. “Uh…I’m Claire and she’s..un..Joann.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“We didn’t think it was you, saw you getting lunch and stuff.”

“Being the roadie sometimes sucks.”

“We didn’t think you did anything on tour.” Joann said.

“I do a lot really, the guys should be coming out in a few for the walk.”

They smiled and I turned back to Bailey, listened to her fill me in on how Ella was getting bigger and how she was growing too.

“Why not just show her how big she’s gotten.” He said.

She moved and my god she had gotten bigger, she had bright blonde hair and the darkest green eyes. I really had no intentions of holding her, fearing that she’d just scream. Yet, when Quinn got close to me she reached out for me, shocking all of us. I took her from him, I wouldn’t deny her that if it’s what she wanted. Her hand went behind me and clutched onto my shirt.

“Well, hello there.”

She smiled at me and I was glad that she wasn’t screaming, she was smiling and as I talked to her she smiled and cooed at me. It really was something I wish I’d have later this year.

“Can I please get a picture of you and her? The last one didn’t turn out to well.”

“I’ll do you better, Victor, can you get one of us all?”

“Sure thing.” He said.

He huddled us together and took a few, but she did take one of us alone too. When they came outside to start the walk I didn’t think, just took Ella with me to get closer. Of course Bailey just followed me. To shock everyone, Ike did the before speech, which was different. But, a refreshing change. When we started the walk itself, I kept Ella on my hip. Bailey and Quinn were close to me and Victor was behind me.

“You look comfortable with her.” Bailey said.

“I’ve had some time around little ones since April. I owe you an apology, I didn’t mean to react in that way. I’d just never held a baby before and they terrified me.”

She looked at me. “You don’t have to explain to me why. But, I was looking around the web and found something with your name, very nice Dragon picture.”

“It’s a painting, the gallery in town had it displayed for like a week and it was used as a profile example.”

“It was the example I saw, I was going to bid on the farm but it was above our budget right now.”

“Do you mind black and white?”

“Not at all, black and white would look awesome in the dining room, we have very light walls and right now blank walls.”

“I’ll check my tablet when we get back I think I have a scenic sketch in there. Oh, I have the one of Ella you asked for.”

“Really? You rock!”

“Hey, you sent me the pictures of her.”

We paused at the midway point but Ella was tired of me and reached for her daddy who took her back.

“Gabby?” She asked.

I turned her direction and smiled. “Yes?”

“I wanted to say that I was sorry, I know you have no idea who I am but I was one of the many that put you down earlier this year.”

“Why would you do that?” Bailey asked.

I hadn’t had time to answer, but I wondered too. I wouldn’t have really asked though, so I was glad she did.

“Some of it was just following everyone else but I was sad that he was now definitely off the market. He usually went for blondes and when he married her it was like, why couldn’t that be me?”

“You’d be amazed at how many people have asked him about that, it’s not all hair color. Don’t worry about it, long as you don’t go dumping rotten milk on my head you’ll be fine.”

“No plans to do that. I just wanted to apologize.”

“Accepted.”

She moved away, I was listening to Taylor with the others when I felt Victors strong hand on my shoulder and I looked at him. He looked worried and alert, so I looked around and saw why. Damien was across the park just watching us, he wasn’t taking pictures or anything, just watching. So, on the way back I made sure Victor was right with me, which made me feel safe. Since I invited Bailey, I let them inside with me because I wanted to speak to them in a more private setting. The boys had sound check and a meet and greet, so I had free time.

“This is like awesome.” Quinn said.

“The venue is, I can’t let you back there though. Guys put there foot down on that.”

“It’s okay, we can still hear them.”

“Uh, if you’ll wait here I’ll go get her drawing and my tablet. It should be inside.”

I ran to the back and returned within minutes with both and we sat down. She’d asked for an updated drawing of Ella, she even sent me several current pictures but I did add a few things now that she was here in front of me before I signed it and handed it to them. It was no less of a big deal than the first and they both loved it. It was rare that I felt comfortable showing people my tablet, yet before I had time to open it Zac was there picking it up and flipping through the pages. Bailey and Quinn looked confused.

“No fear Zac, I took all the naughty ones out.”

“Peace of mind, I know how you are and sometimes you miss a few.”

He flipped through the pages quickly and then handed it back. “You’re clear. I actually came to hold the baby though if she’s up to it, I didn’t get to in April.”

He sat down beside me and she did go to him, which gave Bailey a chance for the picture with us. It wasn’t like we were photographed with babies all the time.

“I know that this may sound weird and I’m sorry if it’s out of line but you didn’t owe me an apology Gabby. If anything, I owe you one. I was so excited and so just out there I didn’t think about your feelings. When I saw you standing there I kind of knew that something had occurred. I’m sorry if my just handing her to you upset you.”

Zac gave me a confused look and I hadn’t told any fans about a miscarriage, just close friends and family. Fans didn’t need to know and we both agreed on that, I included Bailey in the fans because we really weren’t close friends.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“When I looked back over those encounters I realized that you didn’t look so happy at the nursery, more sad than anything and then later in the room when I looked back, neither of you looked happy to be there. I could be wrong but I got the feeling that maybe you weren’t there just for an appendix surgery and that you both got bad news. I just never felt that if that was true then no one else needed to be told. So, I didn’t say anything.”

“It’s not something we want everyone to know.” Zac said.

“It was months before we told family and personally I would rather other fans not know.”

“Understandable. Losing a child isn’t easy and its none of their business. I saw how rude they were with the rumor mill then, they’d be downright hateful if they knew.”

Ella came into my lap and Zac took the time to run, so they didn’t get behind. We talked until Ella’s grandmother arrived at 5 to pick her up. Since she was taking back the drawing of Ella and her selected sketch I went ahead and let them chose their merchandise too. That way, they didn’t have to keep up with stuff.

The venue staff brought us dinner right after that, which for me was the same thing I had for lunch. I waited on the other meet and greet winners before taking them all to the stage, where I said my goodbyes to Bailey and Quinn, after the show I’d be too busy to do that. She would be front row, I made sure of that.

“You sure are going to the edge of the world for that person.” Sierra said.

She’d been waiting for me the moment I came backstage, clearly she didn’t much like that I was there with them and hadn’t spent the time with her.

“She reminded me of me, little lost but then found. I just felt bad that she missed the show last time and then her encounter with them was just weird. It’s the least I can do.”

“But you won’t do that for Abby?”

“Abby didn’t want to come to the shows Sierra.”

“Victor said he saw Damien.”

“He was at the park.”

“Do you have any idea what he wants from you? I mean really, he’s not doing anything threatening but he is following you and that’s weird.”

“I honestly have no idea Sierra.”

She hadn’t changed from her catsuit earlier, just added a belt and better shoes. I really was feeling that attraction and it was mostly because Zac and I had zero time to do anything. I shouldn’t be attracted to her though, when I knew he was there just not available.

“Maybe you should send him a message and ask him what he wants.”

“You mean I should just ask? I’ve asked Sierra, he doesn’t tell me what he wants. He doesn’t tell me anything.”

I was glad Carrick and Austin called her away it gave me time to get away and just be away from her. I sat in the back room and drew while they performed, just whatever came to mind and it wasn’t cribs but it wasn’t that bright and sunny either. Lot of knives and dangerous aspects. I had my things packed up and back on the bus before the end of the show and I saw several of the fans as I walked back and forth loading the trailer back up. Waved to some that waved to me, they signed autographs and then by 2 am we were on the road to the next show in North Carolina. The guys sat up a little bit, but it wasn’t near enough time to be near him.

I just wanted like a few hours alone and not thirty minutes where he was trying to inhale food while we tried to finalize some plan. He basically told me to do whatever I wanted and he’d be guaranteed to like it, but that’s not how I felt like planning something we would share. I stayed up a little later than everyone else because I wrote an e-mail to Dr. Cortez, I needed someone or some way to have that outlet because right now I was closed off to most of them.

 

 

In this Moment – Sex Metal Barbie & Whore: These are actually songs from 2014, but for they fit the purpose of the story so I made them come out a little sooner than normal. Both songs can be seen on Youtube. :)

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