Chapter 35: Deciphers

POV: Gabby

August 12, 2008

Shawn had picked me up at nine from the studio, claiming he needed sister time because we really hadn’t had a lot of moments or time together and he had the day off. I talked him into driving the countryside so I could get some ideas for the canvases. We stopped at the Blue Rose for lunch and he opted to sit on the river side.

“You seem more like the sister I remember, is the doctor helping you?”

I hadn’t expected him to dive right into serious talk this soon. “She is doing a lot of good. Helping me move through events and allowing me to feel what I blocked.”

“I rather expected a talk with me at some point, I’m not ignorant Ella, I know that I created and caused problems.”

“You really want to talk about this now Shawn?”

“We don’t have too, we can however take a long walk afterwards.”

“Let’s do that. Nice lunch, no emotional stuff.”

He smiled. “Still my sister.”

We really did have a nice lunch, he asked about the canvases and I asked about his new classes. Once lunch was over we took the trail down by the river and walked a ways in silence before he chose a remote area with a bench overlooking the river.

“You act like you did something catastrophic to my life and that sent me into a daze.”

He turned to me. “I did Ella. It may not have seemed liked a big thing but come on, you didn’t tell people about me after I left, you basically banned Abby from mentioning me, it obviously did enough. I shouldn’t have left you there with them, I should have been the big brother you deserved. I see how Grace talks to her brothers and I realize that I did miss so many chances to step up and be there for you. Especially when you really needed it.”

“But do you really think that would have happened? You were honest with me, you resented that I cost you our parents Shawn, you knew it wasn’t my fault and it just took you time to realize that. You left because you could and because it’s what you needed.”

“But maybe staying would have been better. I wouldn’t have let Max get that close to you, I don’t like him. I wouldn’t have let you run off or stop drawing.”

“But you would have kept resenting me for things, you would have kept hating me Shawn. The older we got the worse it got, come on I was sensing that already. I wasn’t a stupid child when you left, I was beginning to feel it Shawn. I didn’t understand it, but I felt it. Eventually I would have asked and where do you think that would have lead?”

“To understanding?”

“Please, you are as hot headed as I was then, we both would have exploded and I’d have probably done a lot worse then. We wouldn’t be sitting here today if you hadn’t left. Granted, I could have used a big brother many times. Someone to push me farther or hold me back, but if you hated me then it would have made things worse.”

“How did you get so much smarter than me?”

“Real world experience helps.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with my leaving? It’s not something you resent or hate me for?”

That was a tough question to answer and I took a few minutes to gather my thoughts on that subject.

“If you had asked me when I was twelve and fourteen and even twenty I would have said hell no to the first one, I was never okay with you leaving. You were what made me feel safe, loved and needed, you provided that motivation to draw and the desire to always do something better because you were honest with me. At that time, I resented that you left. I hated you for leaving me there with him. It was a tough day when I realized that I did hate you at one point.”

“And now?”

“I understand now. I understand that if you felt that way and I was sensing it that by the time I hit sixteen we would probably not even be talking and things would have been much worse. I can’t resent you or hate you for something you needed to do and really Shawn, you leaving may have upset me and it did a lot of things but if you had waited two more years or three more then the repercussion would have been worse. Honestly, I’d have probably left then. Abby wasn’t enough when Max left, I can’t imagine either of them being enough if you had waited. As much as it affected things, it also made me rely on other people some. Not totally on you.”

“I didn’t mind that though.”

“Yeah, but Shawn I shouldn’t have been doing that. You can’t ever say you weren’t a good big brother, even though you left and left the note, you were a good brother. I mean really, you took care of me when I couldn’t. You may not have known what to do, but you tried and you weren’t that old either. Just because I don’t remember that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. I just shouldn’t have depended on you so much. They tried to separate us, I remember that and I remember not being able to do anything. The system just didn’t care and they didn’t detect that particular emotion.”

“Dependency. I acknowledged that part a while back, part of the process of figuring out why. It didn’t occur to me that at one you didn’t really have a strong bond with our parents, because they hardly had anything to do with you. You bonded with me and I didn’t understand how you could be happy with different parents, different families.”

“I was happy because you were there with me. I never truly had parents so it was easy to let them be mom and dad.”

“I wish I had seen that sooner, I think it would have helped me to not hate those things about you. For the record I hated that you could draw better than me.”

I giggled. “I hated that you didn’t have to study for anything. Pissed me off so bad when I had to.”

“You said you wanted to be a doctor, how come you aren’t pursuing that?”

“Somewhere along the way I realized that I wanted to be a doctor because you wanted to be one. I wanted to roadie because Max wanted that. I think it was Zac that made me realize I didn’t want either of those things. Granted, I love being the roadie because I travel.”

“Do you know what you want to do?”

“I want to draw, I want to do things that make people happy. Despite how horrible I felt in New York when I took Bailey the drawing of Ella, the way she looked at it was something I liked. The way Sarah responded to the drawing I did of Stephanie I liked. I want to see that in others.”

“You were always great at drawing and while you’ll never admit it you liked when Abby complimented one or Julian.”

“I always did. I also liked that you were an asshole sometimes and told me it sucked.”

“Like that poor Dragon? You butchered that poor thing the first time, but my red one is amazing and occupies a space where I can see it every day.”

“Good. Want a bigger one?”

“Bigger?”

“Zac went insane when he bought me canvases, he got this huge one that I have no idea what to do with.”

He smiled. “Paint the river, capture the movements and be you. So, on this wedding front thing…”

“Wedding front thing? That’s the best you got?”

“I know I suck. Anyway, I know it’s unconventional to ask you, should be the other way around…”

“You are walking me down the aisle Shawn, you aren’t getting out of that.”

He blinked. “How did you…?”

“You’re the only male relative I have, the only one I’d ever want to walk me down the aisle.”

He smiled. “I suppose I need a tux then, damn.”

“Well, you have some time. I go this weekend for photos at Philbrook.”

“Photos? You got him to agree?”

“I really wanted Philbrook for the wedding, but we found another place comparable and I was willing to concede Philbrook if we did pictures there. He scheduled them, they’re going to be like couples or engagement type.”

“Good. I want at least one of you alone.”

“Alone?”

“If I was off, I’d be there but I have to work Saturday. But, I want a really good one of you alone.”

“I am sure he’ll get a few of me alone.”

“Okay, so we covered us. What’s the deal with this Damien guy? Zac said he wouldn’t send you alone because of him.”

“He’s a band member that was with Simon. He’s always made me feel like prey I guess, like not even Jacob made me feel the way he does. Just the way he looks at me scares me. I went to get lunch last week and he came up behind me, scared me. Simon has pretty much stopped calling and texting and everything. Like, he’s sent maybe two in the last two months, but Damien is texting and calling, but not as often.”

“What does he say?”

“He thinks he was my favorite, it wasn’t my fault that he was there when Simon was bad.”

“Do you think he’s contacting you on behalf of Simon?”

“Maybe. He could just be wanting to be an ass.”

“Has he hurt you before? You aren’t usually afraid of people like that.”

“Before Simon made me leave he agreed to a three-some with him.”

“Am I going to regret asking if they bothered to ask if you wanted that?”

“Yeah, they didn’t. Not a very pleasant memory. But before that he hadn’t really done anything to hurt me, just watched Simon.”

“See, these are moments I regret leaving because none of them would have done that to you.”

“Believe me, Zac has no issue hitting them for you.”

“So…I’ve been dying to see the zoo, care to join me?”

“Only if you swing by the apartment so I can grab my camera.”

“I can do that.”

We walked back to the car where he did go by the apartment and then we went to the zoo. I’d been here before but it had been a while. We went through the reptile house as well, but he moved me away from the spiders I hadn’t even seen. We were about to leave when Zac sent me a text.

Seriously? You’re already dating this hot doctor? *sigh* How is the Zoo?

Hot doctor? Zoo? You are confused buttercup. Although, how did you know I was at the zoo?

Couple fans tweeted a picture of you and Shawn, you were practically in his arms. I presume the resident peacock was around?

Fucking peacocks! Let me guess….they thought I was cheating on you?

Yep. They actually tweeted it to us. No problem, I told them I was fine with you hanging out with him.

I groaned and checked, sure enough the photos was there and Zac’s reply too.

“You’re famous Bro.”

“Really?”

I showed him the picture. “Damn, well those fans can stuff it. You needed protection from the big bad peacock.”

I rolled my eyes and let Zac know we were headed there, he came inside the studio to greet them for a bit and there was jokes about the picture, he then headed home.

“Let me guess…we’re not leaving anytime soon?” I asked.

“Afraid not. We are going to take a break and go get dinner though.”

Which we chose Caz’s and then returned to the studio. I sat down with the codes from the disk while they started perfecting the songs they’ll play. I had tried a dozen combinations but none had worked, so I was just seeing if there was some random code or if I could spot any kind of pattern.

I wasn’t making as much progress but I was hoping the police had a better grasp of this and were making progress. I was also thinking about what to wear this Saturday, it was going to be warm and I was thinking maybe a nice dress would be better.

Truthfully, I liked my short stuff and my more sexy outfits but I also understood I wasn’t a teenager anymore, I did need some more adult like outfits and while I could make them sexy too, Stella had been right, move coverage can be just as enticing as less. I’d proven that to myself several times because the cat costume drove him insane but so did a lot of my clothes.

I moved another letter around and tried and it failed again. This was getting frustrating and I wondered if this was even worth it, the amount of time I was wasting trying to figure out what was so important that I had to nearly die for them to get back was just insane but I wanted to know. Max had been good with these types of things but I really had no desire to talk to him.

I laid the papers down and got up and went to the studio, they were doing acapella so I sat down at the drums, they all turned when I picked up the same beat Zac was snapping with his fingers.

“I’m bored, just roll with it.”

They waited until I had the right beat thanks to Zac’s showing me. I kept that same beat through the whole song and then paused.

“We’re gonna take a break.” Ike said.

He and Taylor walked out but Zac remained. “Why don’t you play something.”

“Now?”

“Yes. Just whatever comes to come.”

“You don’t have any drum sticks back here.”

“Don’t need them to move your feet.”

I started with a simple beat one that Simon taught me when he first wanted me to learn the harder things. He would count a number and give me a letter. I added the bass and remembered he told me about double letters, like oh, ah, and ch. I have no idea when my brain clicked, when I got up Zac was confused but I came back with the paper and sat down with it and a pair of sticks.

“Do me a favor, when I call out a letter, write it down please.”

He looked confused as hell but got a sheet of paper and a pen, I used the numbers to play, calling off the letters to Zac as I went.

“Did that spell anything?”

“Yeah, Chris Reigns.”

The letters however were a mystery but when I reverse the order, it became numbers. After several minutes I had his name, address, and numbers.

“Is this some new game?” Tay asked.

“No. It’s apparently the code for this paper.”

He looked over Zac’s shoulder. “Ten Gs 4GR? What is this?”

With Taylor saying it out loud it almost just fell into place. “Could it be quantities? Ten grand or ten thousand, 4 GR could be grams.”

“Like grams of something illegal?” Tay asked.

“Simon did drugs, could be that he spent on them. There are more.”

I played, they wrote down the letter or number, but after the first sets the code must have changed because it started making no sense. The names on the paper weren’t all familiar to me, some were.

“This looks like a dealers list, he supplied them with the drugs and got paid.” Isaac said.

“Then the other list is probably suppliers.” Taylor said.

“I didn’t think he was dealing, I knew he used them.”

“Are you sure this is a list Simon would have?” Isaac asked.

“I haven’t heard anyone else play those specific tones. He also didn’t usually count or say the letters, he only did that when we were alone.”

“Well, if the list is Simon’s, then he probably put the disk in that bag. Odds are then he was the one that contracted the hit.” Isaac said.

“Agreed. Which means that Damien may not be coming around on his own. It’s probably Simon.” Zac said.

“Which is why I am calling Detective Mabis.”

I did that promptly and agreed to send him the decipher with Zac’s help, because I could play but I couldn’t write the music down and I could play and him write without complications. Detective Mabis was grateful because no one there had been able to break that code yet either. The list would help them and they would be contacting Simon now.

Given that it was now late they called it a night and everyone went their own ways, Isaac mentioned visiting Nicole but Taylor said Stella was in bed already. We went home where we got showers and got ready for bed.

“Did you and Shawn have a good day together?”

“He wanted to talk about him leaving, think maybe it was time we did even if I’d have rather waited another…ten years.”

He giggled. “Sooner is better. He seems to really want you to be happy. He seemed confused by his own actions then.”

“Well, like I told him maybe it was better because if he truly hated me then two more years would have caused major issues. I mean I was detecting that there was something he wasn’t saying, I just didn’t know it was that. I think it helped me in some ways and in other ways it was the worst thing ever.”

“The zoo went well except for that peacock?”

“Those fuckers are sneaky. Yeah, beside that damn bird it went well. Studio rehearsal go okay?”

“It did, we managed to cover good grounds and perfect some things. Just going to be a long few weeks.”

“Shawn has one request for our pictures.”

“He had a request?”

“Yep. He wants one really good of me alone.”

“I think that can be arranged.”

“I was also thinking maybe a dress would be good. I seem to be liking them lately.”

“I like them for totally different reasons, but I think it would be pretty.”

“I’ll dig through Friday, I’m tired right now and you look like you might be walking asleep.”

“I feel like I am.”

I cut the lights off and we went to bed, I laid there thinking about dresses, it wouldn’t be long before I would picking out one that he won’t get to see for a while, one that I never thought I would be picking out.