Chapter 28: Fireworks Rock

POV: Gabby

 

July 4, 2008

My doctor’s appointment yesterday had gone well, Dr. Cortez and I hit it off easily and talked for the entire 90 minute appointment. She however had me coming in three times a week for a while, because in the after consultation talk she picked up on things that were still there and she wanted to make sure we covered things slowly. Zac made the appointments early so he could bring me and then get to the studio at a decent time. I was glad that she was someone I felt comfortable with. Because I’d been nervous as hell meeting her and then telling her about people and things that happened.

Today’s plan was to spend the whole day with his family, there was a reunion in the park where we’d be all day because we were staying for the fireworks that night over the river. I had been invited to a party by Sierra for the day but I hadn’t mentioned the text to Zac and I hadn’t bothered to reply to her either.

“Hey buttercup...what should I wear for lunch?”

I walked to the door in my towel and leaned against the door, he looked up from the bed and smiled.

“That’s totally fine but I think others would disapprove. Do I have options?”

“I have the looser shorts, the ones you love because they accent my ass, or I can chose a skirt. Bottom dictates top.”

He pondered his options for what felt like forever before he smiled.

“What kind of skirt?”

“I have a peachy colored one, black one and a few different shades of blue. Are you seriously considering that option?”

“You rarely wear skirts or dresses of any kind, it’s going to be hot today and it’ll be cooler on you.”

“You want me in a skirt around your entire family?”

“Honey my family won’t judge you based on what you are wearing, they just want to meet you. Least the cousins and ones that have not yet gotten too.”

“Sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay, skirt it is. Any color?”

“The peach one would be perfect, pair it with the white tank top that has the lace shirt over it. It’ll be parent approved and not overly hot.”

I nodded and went to the closet, the peach skirt was a decent length, it came down to about 4 inches above my knees, so it wasn’t like it was a mini-skirt. I left the shirts untucked and paired it with a pair of sandals that I’d picked up. They were white and had straps around my ankles, down my foot and around the top of my foot, so they would stay on good. When I came out he was fully dressed in khaki shorts and his grey, arrested development shirt with the head in the center. He smiled when I came out.

“Perfect.”

I left my hair down but took a band with me, and we headed to the park where everyone would be.

“Are we still telling everyone?” I asked.

“Yes. December 31 st, late in the afternoon.”

“During lunch?”

“I’ll stand up and announce it when everyone is done, then you can drag my mother off for whatever it is you want to ask that you won’t tell me about.”

“Deal.” I said.

We arrived a little early and met up with Taylor, Isaac, and his parents. His mom actually liked the outfit, so that helped a lot. Nicole was also here with Isaac, her parents had not been able to come but that was okay. Taylor said Stella was on her way, she had to close the bookstore.

“She must be mad at me, she hasn’t called or texted.”

Taylor smiled. “She’s not mad at you, she didn’t understand your reactions and that was my fault really. I should have told her what happen and I should have told you he was there. Her sister is coming today though, so formal warning.”

“He won’t be the only baby here.” Ike said

“What do you mean?” Zac asked.

“Aunt Beth’s daughter, Sarah, she had a daughter the first, there coming today for a bit. She was released and wants to show off the baby. Added, you know she has Nickolas who is 5 and Aunt Rebecca’s oldest Michelle has a one year old and a three year old, but I don’t know if she’s coming or not.” Isaac said.

Internally I could feel the turmoil already, so many little kids and at these events it wasn’t just one adult responsible we all were. I felt Zac’s hand on my back and the little gesture was nice.

“You’ll be okay, I’m here with you.”

Thankfully Stella arrived before anyone else and I was glad she greeted me like nothing ever happened. She actually apologized for the over reactions and I told her I was sorry I had been such bad company. Her sister was here with Michael and she was making rounds, when they reached us I was glad he didn’t scream when he saw me. He was all smiles today.

I was terrified that the people I hadn’t met would hate me or not like me in any way. There were a lot of cousins that I had not met. So, I kind of stuck around those I had met, which was his parents and his brothers. I really hadn’t met many cousins, maybe one?

“You cannot be Zac’s new wife. No way.” He said.

I turned confused at who was talking to me about the time Zac got him in a headlock, I was confused and unsure on what was going on.

“Eyes to yourself dude, she’s mine.”

“No fucking way! It’s not possible.” He then poked Zac in the stomach what seemed to be pretty hard. “Your chubby self could not have landed such a hot wife. Not possible.”

I assumed this guy was a cousin or something, Zac wasn’t acting mad and clearly the comments didn’t piss him off.

“He is a drummer Chase, they get all the hot babes.” He said.

“Fuck you JJ.”

“This is Gabriella, my wife. This is Chase he’s Aunt Beth’s, and this is JJ, he’s uncle Matthew’s mistake.”

“I was not a mistake! I am the perfect one. It’s good to finally meet you Gabriella.”

“You both as well.”

“You have to tell me what you see in this dork? I mean really…you can have anyone you want and you chose him?”

I giggled. “Sorry Chase, JJ has a point. He’s the drummer.”

“NO! That cannot be it! Something else has to be it. Damn sure can’t be his sex skills, too damn vanilla.”

“Chase.” Zac said.

Chase just gave him a challenging smirk, almost daring him to say something. JJ put his arm around my shoulder and looked at me.

“Ignore Chase, they named him that because he clearly chased skirts even as a newborn.”

“Ouch little Cuz…that hurt.”

“So true.” Zac said.

“You have no room to talk Zac, least girls didn’t tweet about me not being able too.”

Ouch, that had to be the lowest blow I’d heard so far in this little squabble and it was also clear that they were very competitive. But the look Zac gave him wasn’t very friendly and I imagined those few tweets were still a very sore spot to him.

I walked over and put my hands around his waist gave him a tight squeeze. “The only skirt he chases is mine now. As for those tweets, not his fault they didn’t know what turned him on. I mean, they can’t be me Chase, there is only one of me.”

JJ laughed. “I like her. Totally keep her.”

Another guy appeared from nowhere it seems, maybe they all had Taylor’s ninja abilities. “Okay Zac, where is this wife of yours?”

“Dude, she’s right here and she just cut your brother in half. You will love her.” JJ said.

This new guy put his arms around Chase. “Did she?”

Chase just snorted and Zac laughed. “She totally did. Gabriella this is Bradley, he’s Chase’s older brother. Sarah is their sister as well.”

“Speaking of, she’s here but your mom is fussing at her for bringing Stephanie out this soon.”

“Is that what she named her?”

“Stephanie Nicole.”

“We’ll go see her in a little bit, I know everyone is parading right now.”

“Definitely.”

Knowing she had a newborn I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to see her or meet her, but I guess eventually I would have to. I meet the aunts, uncles, and the other cousins. It was nice seeing Zac joke and cut up with them. I realized that his family was now mine, I had cousins and aunts and uncles, I’d never had those and had no clue if our parents had siblings or not.

Not that it would matter, they hadn’t wanted us either. I mentally filed that away to speak to Dr. Cortez about because really the only family I had was Shawn. I did note that while Zac was dragging me around to meet people, he was also avoiding Stephanie or anyone with a child. I’d seen her, she wasn’t hard to miss with the bright red hair, so when she punched him in the shoulder I just smiled some.

“Excuse you Zachary. You trying to avoid me?” She asked.

“No Stephanie I’m not.”

He wasn’t avoiding her, but he was avoiding the tiny little human wrapped in a pink blanket, one she was currently carrying. She didn’t at first acknowledge me, which was okay, but when he introduced us she was friendly and warm. She didn’t ask either of us if we wanted to hold her and I was glad for that.

We sat down at the tables about 2 and had lunch, which was awesome. Shawn had dropped by about 1 and stayed for a little bit, he had to be at work at 3 though so he took a plate to go. When I walked him to the car I told him about the wedding plans. We waited until everyone was done eating, most were just talking and then Zac stood up and used the silver serving spoon to tap his can of Dr. pepper.

“So classy!” Bradley said.

“What? Dude we don’t have champagne glasses here. We wanted to make an announcement since everyone is here, consider this a save the date. Gabriella and I have decided to do a formal wedding on December 31 st, the time has not been set but it will be late in the afternoon and the reception will go well into the new year. We know a lot of family was upset that we didn’t do formal before, so we wanted to do something more.”

I noted the disappointment in some and realized his opening line about news was often done when babies are due, which is really close to when we would be actually telling people we were due and December was close to when we would be. But I kept those details to myself. Some asked him questions but we didn’t have anything else to tell them at this time. After a round of desserts people split back up to talk, socialize, visit the new baby, or just hang out. Zac was with Bradley, JJ and Chase, which I gathered were closer to him.

I finally spotted his mom and managed to grab her and drag her away from the main group. Actively seeking her out because I really had a question for her specifically. I was sure Zac saw me because he smiled as I beelined her.

“You are seeking me out, are you okay with the children being here?”

“I uh…have been able to avoid them so far.”

“You shouldn’t though, it could be a good healing process for you. So, if it’s not that what is it?”

“Well, a few weeks ago Nicole and I discussed her wedding dress, it was the one her mother wore and she was excited about that. But, I realized that I didn’t have a mother than could go with me, so I’d like for you to be there with me when I do that event, which I have no idea when I should.”

“Are you sure? Parents do not have to go Gabby.”

“Yes. I am sure that Abigail and all would steer me right but I don’t necessarily want to be talked into something either. I would like for you to be there because you are basically the only mother I have and you also won’t allow them to talk me into something I don’t want.”

She smiled. “I don’t need a reason Gabby, just that you want me there because you want it. Not because you want to make up Vegas to me. That is done and I’m getting what I want just by the two of you doing this. If you want me there, I will be there.”

“I do want you there.”

She smiled. “Then I will be, as for when I would suggest a few months before December so the dress you choose can be altered or even ordered in some cases. I hear your touring again so maybe end of August sometime?”

“Yeah, touring again. End of August sounds like a good time. They’ll be super busy practicing and preparing so it’ll be okay if I sneak away.”

“As for the baby thing I think maybe you would benefit from seeing Stephanie. I know it’ll be hard it was on me. I know you want to avoid babies all together right now, but honey you said you didn’t want kids until after you lost this one. Maybe having some more experience with them will help you determine which set of emotions you truly identify with. It’s far better to know that right now, than to realize you really don’t after you have one.”

“Dr. Cortez will also help. I’m just not sure that I can handle that and I really don’t want to upset anyone else like I did Stella. She thought I hated Michael and I don’t.”

“Sarah knows that you’ve lost a baby, she does not know that it was Zac’s or that it was not long ago, but she knows. It’s possible she put two and two together, but I can’t say for sure. She won’t press you to hold her or anything unless you want too.”

“She didn’t press him earlier about holding her.”

“Possible she figured it out then. But, maybe it’ll help you a little bit.”

“What if I upset Sarah or Stephanie?”

“Sarah won’t be upset Gabby, Stephanie will pick up on negative feelings but you don’t have to hold her or anything. Just be around her, get comfortable with that.”

She kissed my forehead and then we headed back to the main area, where I got to talk to some of the others for a bit. I saw Sarah move away from the group when Stephanie got fussy, I’d noticed she was clearly breastfeeding her. How she was even standing or moving was beyond me really. I sat here on the blanket with Melissa and Lisa, who were talking about some more current pop type bands, mostly it was Backstreet Boys.

I hadn’t really expected Michael and it was before I talked to Diana and Zac about everything that was really going on. I didn’t have to do anything with Stephanie, but maybe Diana was right. I excused myself from the conversation, I wasn’t really keen on a lot of Pop music or boy bands, unless they were 80’s hair bands that was, which they hadn’t had a clue about them.

Sarah was sitting on the bench, a blanket covering Stephanie’s face and her breast. Zac had noticed when I walked by but he was playing ring toss when I passed. I stopped at the end of the bench.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

She looked up and smiled. “Not at all as long as Zac stays over there for a bit.”

“He’s playing some game, pretty sure he’s going to stay there for a bit.”

I sat down beside her on the bench, avoided looking at the blanket and now that I was here, I had no idea what to say to her or even in general.

“Diane talked to me before I met you, she didn’t tell me when but it’s not hard to see that it was recent, even Zac isn’t asking to hold her so I’m going to assume it was his loss also. I won’t tell anyone though, I know you may not want everyone to apologize.”

“It was April, I went in for an appendix rupture and the doctor found out while I was there.”

“Zac looked quite sad when he saw her earlier, I kind of pieced it together then. I know it hurts like hell.”

“I didn’t even know I wanted a child until he told me what happen. Up until then I was pretty set on not ever having them.”

She smiled. “Honestly, I was the same way. I was pretty sure I didn’t want children and then I got pregnant with Nickolas. I had so many fears about being a mom. What if I hurt him or do something wrong? I really didn’t know that I did want him until he was born, the first time I laid eyes on him. We weren’t even trying for him, he’s our shock baby.”

“Did you plan her or is she a shock baby too?”

“Not really, we had decided on a second and we talked it over, just said it would happen when it did. July 1 st she made her appearance. Honestly, I should be at home. But, I heard you and Zac and the other two were going to be here and I couldn’t miss it. It’s so rare we get to see them outside Christmas.”

“I understand that well, I feel like I am never home anymore.”

“Pardon me just a moment, she is done eating.”

I waited as she adjusted or rather as she tried, it was clear this was her first experience with breastfeeding or she’d forgotten the basics one. I really wanted to help but I had no idea what I could do, but I couldn’t just let her drop Stephanie because she didn’t have enough hands and I wasn’t about to volunteer to touch her breast.

“If you’re okay with it, I can hold her while you get adjusted.”

“Are you sure? Aunt Diana said you hadn’t really held a baby.”

“Well, who better to teach me than someone with two?”

“Are you sure Gabriella? Believe me, I know it’s not easy and it’s still fresh in your mind. I’ll get this fixed eventually.”

“I may never be sure Sarah.”

She nodded and after a few moments, fixed the blanket around Stephanie and then moved to face me. She gave me basic instructions like where to put my hands, how to keep her neck and back supported and even after her weight was in my arms, she adjusted them slightly.

“Before I move my hands are you okay? I can feel your hands shaking a bit. You can’t be nervous Gabriella, babies sense that.”

“I’m just afraid she’s going to hate me or I’ll drop her.”

“You have a good grip of her, you won’t drop her. She doesn’t know what hate is Gabriella. She doesn’t hate you. As long as you’re comfortable, she’ll be fine. If she gets fussy it’s okay too, sometimes babies just cry.”

She kept her hands there for several minutes before she let her go and I could tell her entire weight was on me, didn’t feel so light anymore. She went to fix her bra and adjust and I just sat there, if I didn’t move I had no chance of dropping her or hurting her. It felt so weird to be holding a baby, especially one so young. I tried to look everywhere, but at her.

Yet, this tiny little whine caused me to look down, Stephanie was actually awake, moving just a bit and staring at me. Her eyes were the brightest blue I had ever seen, there was blonde peach fuzz around her head and her skin looked so soft and smooth. Her tiny hands were balled up and when she whined again I tightened my arms, fearing she was uncomfortable. I knew she was just a few days old, but I swore she smiled at me.

Even then, I could feel that deep pain that meant I wouldn’t be holding my own baby in several months. Yet as I looked at Stephanie I wondered if maybe that was a good thing. I was seriously screwed up and I needed help with a lot of things. Most of them being emotional issues. Perhaps, that was the reason that our baby was gone, it may not have been the true reason but it made sense to me.

“Are you sure you’ve never done that? You look content sitting there.”

“I uh..have never held a baby this small, I had Michael in my lap for like fifteen seconds. She’s actually the first one I’ve ever held like this.”

“You are doing great, she’s been doing great though too. You are more than welcome to hold her as long as you want. My arms could use the break!”

I giggled some. “She’s awake actually. Just laying here.”

“Still? That’s weird.”

She even peaked over and smiled. “I think she likes you, she’s usually out cold five minutes after nursing.”

“I don’t see why.”

She smiled at me. “I am sure that one day you will be a mom and you’ll be fine. Zac’s not like the baby pro in the family but he has some experience with children. Nickolas he held a few times and I’m sure he’ll hold her eventually. I know it can’t be easy for him either.”

“He has expressed some emotions to me but he’s pretty quiet elsewhere. It hurt him too and I think it didn’t help that he was worried about me also. He’s been avoiding some things but not as badly as I have.”

“I saw the tweets about your emergency room trip, some of their fans are just complete assholes.”

“I saw about everything they said about me, I’m kind of wary about going on tour again. I mean, I want to take the walk with them, I don’t expect everyone to like me but I’d like for the fan base not to completely hate me.”

“Some of them will hate you Gabby, there were a few rumors about Zac and I and all we did was hang out as cousins, I mean they’re ruthless. But, I have noticed that some of them are coming around. I haven’t seen so many negative comments.”

“I haven’t checked, I created the new accounts and just forgot the old one. It was just a point where I was getting…not suicidal but very depressed and I have a history with cocaine so that lead to some problems and an overdose. But, Zac is very adamant I am not doing that anymore.”

“Zac seems so different with you. I hated Priscilla because she always had this bitch face going on and she was the queen shit because she was with him. I’ll never tell him, I’m glad they broke up. If he had married her I’d have to do a cousin divorce.”

I laughed. “Never heard of those before, but guess it’s possible. I’ve met her on tour a few times.”

She told me more about their past, how close the family was and even some rather embarrassing stories about them all. Throwing her brothers under the bus as much as she did Zac, Taylor, and Isaac. Stephanie had eventually drifted off to sleep, but I was fine to simply hold her. Mindful that even as we talked she was there, I noticed the pain seemed to decrease, I didn’t feel like I was going to drop her or that I’d hurt her.

Zac eventually walked over and choose the spot on the ground at my feet, there was just something in his eyes that bothered me though. Yet, he talked to Sarah and joined in for a bit. Taylor came around with his camera about 5.

“Alright, closer, Zac you’re fine but Sarah you need to scoot over.”

I wasn’t sure about this picture but she scooted, Zac complained but given how low the bench was it was a good picture. Yet, Taylor had to get one of just me and Stephanie. He didn’t push for the Zac one and when it was feeding time again he closed his eyes while she adjusted. My right arm felt pretty numb but I felt okay. We talked more while she fed her and afterwards Zac asked to hold her, he even moved onto the bench so she wouldn’t be close to the ground.

Sarah was right, he knew already how to hold newborns and I could see the slight tear in his eyes but I think holding her helped him as well. It wasn’t forgetting but making peace with the fact we won’t have that but eventually we could. Taylor came back around for another picture with Chase.

“Damn Zac, you are always surrounded by women, what the hell are you doing so I can do it too?” Chase said.

He giggled. “I’m the drummer dude, you have zero drum skills so you are just shit out of luck.”

Even Taylor laughed at that one, Sarah even found it amusing. She and her husband decided it was time to go right after that, it was late and they needed to get Nickolas home and settled and get Stephanie settled too. Zac actually put her in the car seat that her husband had brought over. Clearly he knew how and was pretty good at it. We walked with them back and I got to actually meet Nickolas, who was a very talkative little boy.

We were alone on the way back to the group though after saying our byes.

“You looked comfortable with Stephanie.”

“She terrified me at first, but Sarah was a pro. I think it helped that I’ve talked to your mom.”

“I think so too.”

“Are you okay? I know you held her too but you didn’t seem as happy and you looked concerned when you first came over?”

“I didn’t know you had her and it kind of shocked me. Then it made me wonder what you’d look like and what he or she would look like, just set off thoughts that I hadn’t really had.”

“I’ve had the same thoughts too.”

“But, it’s July 4 th and we’re not going to talk about such sadness. Let’s go back for dinner, Dad was throwing some burgers on and he does the best grilled burgers!”

He was not kidding, Zac’s were awesome but his dad’s blew his out of the water. We did separate ourselves from everyone for the fireworks, because he wanted that moment for us. One where he didn’t mind kissing me, since no one else was there to witness it. It was about eleven when we finally made it home, after the fireworks there was saying goodbye to everyone and cleaning up. We were worn out so we both pretty much just went to bed as soon as we got home.

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