Chapter 18: Tell me she’s not…
POV: Zac
May 30, 2008: 1:45am
I’d fallen asleep in the living room about midnight, sleeping in the bed was hard without her here and I found I could generally have some boring infomercial put me to sleep. My phone blaring startled me at first and then I realized it was just my phone when I looked at it though I felt that jump in my heart rate. There could only be one reason Shawn would be calling me this early in the morning.
“Hello? Please tell me she’s not there.”
“I really wish I could.”
His voice was strained and high pitched which meant he was scared. Him being scared didn’t help me any.
“I’m on my way. Where do I go?”
“I’ll meet you in the ER waiting room.”
“Where are you going?” Taylor asked sleepily.
I jumped forgetting that he was even here. “Shawn called, Gabby’s apparently at the hospital.”
“I’ll drive.”
I didn’t even think he would be alert enough but by the time I got my shoes on his eyes were wide open, bright and alert. I blinked and then realized he’d basically chugged the cup of coffee from Starbucks, that would do it. Honestly I was glad he drove, I couldn’t get my hands to stop shaking. I wanted to find her but the last place I wanted that to be was the hospital.
“Did he tell you why?”
“No. But his voice was high pitched and strained. He’ll be in the ER waiting area.”
Taylor let me out at the door when we arrived and I ran inside where Shawn was standing by the nurses’ station and I stopped, he was crying. Nicole was standing there with him but even she looked quite sad. He turned to me when I approached, dried his eyes.
“Where is she? I want to see her now.”
“They aren’t letting anyone in the room right now, not even me.”
“What happen?”
“I really don’t know Zac. They haven’t told me anything. The paramedic that brought her in called me and told me she was here, she recognized her from my birthday party, but she couldn’t tell me anything. They won’t let me back and they won’t tell me anything.”
I looked at the nurse. “I’m Zachary Hanson, Gabriella Hanson is my wife. What is going on?”
“I’m sorry Sir, we don’t know anything right now. I will however let the doctor know you are here.”
I slammed my hands down. “Why don’t you find out right now? She’s been gone over a week!”
One of the other nurses went to the back about the time Taylor laid his hand down on my shoulder.
“Zac, let them do their jobs, they know you’re here.”
He lead me away and had Shawn follow us. About three a doctor walked over to us, there were dozens of patients waiting for various things but we looked up at him.
“Mr. Frost, Mr. Hanson. I’m the doctor in charge of your wife and sister.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s stabilized the best we can at the moment. She’s being monitored very closely and I would prefer not to let anyone back because it’s touchy right now.”
“What happen?” Taylor asked.
“She overdosed on cocaine, there is no cure for that or no quick method to bring her down. Do you two have children?”
“No.” I said.
“She kept saying she needed to save her baby, any idea what she meant by that? Could she be pregnant? It’s faster if you tell me, I ordered a test but it’s going to be an hour.”
I shook my head. “No. She had her appendix removed in April, the 20 th. We haven’t had sex since then, she hasn’t been cleared by a doctor for activity.”
“Zac. You need to tell them.”
“Tell me?” He asked.
I sighed. “She miscarried then too. Five to seven weeks, no particular reason was given. I’m not entirely sure why she would be saying that right now though.”
“It’s possible it’s a delusion, that is a common side effect of cocaine overdose.”
“Can you tell how much she took?” Taylor asked.
“No. It’s different for everyone really, her tolerance could be higher or lower. She’s under cooling blankets, we’ve given her something to calm her down and it’s just waiting right now.”
“When can we go back?” Shawn asked.
“I’d like for her to be a little more stable, right now her body temperature is pretty high and her heartbeat is fast. When they are more stable I will let others back.”
“She’s not hurt otherwise?” I asked.
“No. No physical symptoms and we did see the appendix incision but it looks good.”
“Thank you.” I said.
He nodded and went back to the back area, I wondered where they found her, where she was, who called them or had she just overdosed in some shitty as park or on some random street.
“Why didn’t you tell me she miscarried?” Shawn asked.
“She didn’t want anyone to know and I slipped a few days ago with my brothers. I left that decision up to her because she was the one going through it.”
We were just sitting there waiting when Sierra came running through the doors, she looked different with flats shoes, sweat pants and a t-shirt. She was talking to the nurse who was refusing to tell her anything.
“Sierra, they’re not going to tell you anything.” I said.
She turned. “How did you know she was here?”
“I work here and the paramedic called me when they got here. I called him.” Shawn said.
She came over to me. “Have they told you anything? Is she okay?”
“How do you know she’s here?”
“Who do you think called the paramedics Zac?”
“So you found her and didn’t bother to call me?”
“I found her high as fuck, holding a baby doll and crying because it wouldn’t cry. She fucking scared me Zac. I called the paramedics because there was drugs everywhere, I just got released by the police. She was at Tera’s house. Her ex-James called me when he went over to the party. Is she okay?”
I didn’t like the sound of the baby doll thing and from the way Taylor and Shawn looked, they didn’t either. I wasn’t even sure why she had gone to Tera’s house. She hadn’t mentioned her at all, not as a friend or more.
“They have her stabilized but no one can go back until she’s more stable. Apparently her temperature and heart rate are up.”
“She scared me. I’ve never seen her like that and I’ve seen her high before, many times. She was never like that. Tera said she came over last Tuesday, she never even asked what was wrong. She cried, she screamed, she resisted but then she did two lines with them. I don’t know how much she’s done but James was worried when he went over, he said she was talking weird and just…she wasn’t good. I called the paramedics.”
“You made the right call, cocaine overdose can be deadly and causes hallucinations and paranoia.” Shawn said.
“The way she was holding that doll…just crying.”
None of us said anything but she sat down and she was agitated herself.
“I was going to call you Zac. I just couldn’t, the police showed up before they took her and they wouldn’t let any of us leave.”
“You should have called me when this James guy called you. I’m her husband Sierra, I deserved that call.”
Her ex-James? Tera? What the hell had she done for the last week?! She was doing drugs and she’d never even mentioned wanting to or feeling like she wanted too. The baby references made me really wonder what she felt for real, because she had seemed perfectly fine, adjusting and not depressed. Clearly I was wrong about that.
How could I be such a terrible husband that I didn’t realize that this was even bothering her? I should have known better because I’d recognized all those symptoms in my Mom, the down feelings, guilt, and even grief. Yet, I’d failed to even think that Gabby could feel the same way?
Shawn eventually went back to his shift and I told him I would call as soon as the doctor returned. Taylor sat here with me though and Sierra sat nearby. The doctor came out at seven and I got up to meet him. Sierra was asleep against the wall and Taylor was woken up when I moved.
“I will let you back but no one else, not for a while.”
“Is she okay?”
“We got her heart rate stabilized, we got her temperature to come down as well, but we did give her a mild sedative. Her brother was here too right?”
“He should be getting off in a few hours, he works here in the hospital.”
“I’ll contact him then.”
“Why the long wait to see her?” Taylor asked.
“She’s stable for now but we have no idea how much she took and we’ve been treating symptoms. I don’t want her to crash and a dozen people be in our way. He’s her husband and I think she might be asking for you but she’s still pretty delirious.”
“It’s okay Taylor. You are obviously tired, go home get some sleep. I’m sure by this afternoon she’ll be in a better condition to have visitors.”
“What about her?” he asked.
“Wake her when I’m back, just tell her what he said no one can come back right now.”
He nodded and I followed the doctor to the back. He warned me that she was hooked up to a bunch of wires and was in and out of it, I expected worse but I was just glad she was alive. The little beeping alerted me that she was still here, at the moment her eyes were closed and all the monitors were showing stable numbers.
“Is her temperature okay?”
“It’s still higher than we like, she has a cooling blanket over her and it’s coming down. It’s also going to as the cocaine burns out of her system. She was dehydrated so we have her on a high drip IV as well.”
“Are you going to keep her?”
“We are going to for at least 24 hours. At that point we’ll evaluate her and see where she stands.”
I nodded and found a seat near her head. Her hair looked clean and thankfully it was still the same color. I slid as close as I could. Her hands and arms were under the cooling blanket so all I could do was sit here. I did send Shawn, Abigail, Isaac and Taylor a text to let them know she was here, okay and probably staying a day or two. I called my parents at nine because they weren’t big text people yet.
“Come on Gabriella, you have to be okay. I can’t even sleep in our bed without you there. Just be okay and I promise I’ll do whatever I have too, I’ll be a better husband I promise. You just have to be okay.”
The stats on the screen remained steady, the temperature one had come down too, but it was still above a 100, so they had left the blanket over her. Apparently the sedative was working well though, I heard my phone and checked.
It’s Sierra – Taylor gave me the number. Is she doing better?
She’s stable, asleep, but still a bit warm. They’re leaving the cooling blanket over her for a bit longer.
I didn’t think she’d ever go to Tera.
She saw Tera late last year at a restaurant. I didn’t know she knew where she was. I just…wish I knew what happened while she was there. But she’s asleep right now.
You don’t have to worry, James said she turned him down not once but twice. She just seemed to hang with Tera. Which, I am sure you know their past.
I do. Hopefully she’ll wake up soon.
I put the phone down and tried cat napping, my hand moving woke me up about one, when I blinked she was looking at me. The same warm brown eyes, but she’d moved away from me though.
“What are you doing here? Why am I here?”
“Shawn called me when they brought you in, you overdosed last night.”
She seemed confused and unsure of whether I lied to her about why she was here. I had no reason to.
“Go home, I don’t need you here.”
“Gabriella.”
“Go away Zachary. I don’t need you here.”
“I’m not going anywhere, not without you.”
“GO AWAY!” She screamed.
She started snatching wires off and that set off a ton of alarms and doctor’s flooded the room. She was fighting them too and I just stepped aside, because I didn’t know what she needed. A simple shot stopped the screaming and calmed her back down, which gave them a chance to strap her down.
“Is that the cocaine still?”
The doctor nodded. “We’re going to leave her here for a bit longer.”
“Has her brother been down?”
“Yes, I spoke to him he said he would come by this afternoon before his shift. You should probably get some fresh air yourself, the sedative will last for at least an hour.”
I took that as my subtle hint to leave so I called Taylor and asked him to bring me lunch and I waited outside for him. When he arrived we walked off to the side to the tables and sat down.
“What is it?” he asked.
“She told me to go away that she didn’t need me here.”
He frowned. “She’s reacting to what she thinks Zac. It’s nothing more than that.”
“I know and I just…they sedated her and strapped her down. It’s the drugs talking and god Taylor I never even knew she was to that point.”
“Well, she use to before Zac. She was open about that, excessive stress could have helped but Sierra said she thinks it was more Tera pushing her than her doing it.”
“Probably, I didn’t much like Tera and I never formally met her.”
“Stay with her Zac, she’s going to be resistant and she may say a lot of bad things but you have to see where she is coming from.”
“I know. I just…she seemed determined.”
“Eat before it gets cold.”
It was quiet as we ate our burgers and inhaled the fries, I did feel a little better afterwards. While I was outside I called and gave everyone an update, it allowed me to really talk to my Mom and Dad and to Shawn who was actually awake. Taylor left and returned home and I returned to the room she was in. They had removed the cooling blanket and had changed some bags but I sat down and just waited. Her eyes opened again about four and I was waiting for the screaming or yelling, but she tugged at the restraints and frowned.
“They restrained you for safety reasons.”
“I know that, I saw them do it James when he…overdosed. Why are you here?”
“I’m your husband, I should be here. You shouldn’t be here actually.”
“Can you call the doctor? I can’t reach the button.”
I pressed the button and a nurse came in. “How are you Mrs. Hanson?”
“I have a headache.”
“It should go away soon, we’re still pumping you full of fluids.”
She nodded and I guessed she understood they weren’t going to give her anything. The nurse adjusted some stuff and then left, she hadn’t even asked to be let go.
“So you went through this with James?” I asked.
“Stop acting like you give a shit, really I’d scream for you to leave but I don’t need more sleep.”
“I do give a shit or I wouldn’t be asking.”
“Whatever.”
“I can just ask Sierra.”
She laughed. “Sierra never knew James or Daniel.”
“James called her and told her where you were. So, obviously she did or does know him.”
She just turned her head away and watched the monitor for the next two hours, the doctor did a check of major things heart rate, breathing, made sure she was okay before authorizing her to be moved to a private room. I knew she didn’t want me to follow but I did anyway. They removed the restraints in the room and left. I just settled into the chair at the foot of the bed, I wasn’t leaving her here alone.
“Shawn should be up about eight, his shift starts at nine. Taylor and Isaac would like to come see you before then, but I haven’t told them you’re able to have visitors.”
“I don’t want to see anyone, not even you. But clearly you don’t listen to anyone.”
I wanted to push her, I wanted to make her talk to me but I also didn’t want to make her upset and them put her back to sleep, so I stayed quiet. Shawn brought my dinner and hers about eight and I ate quietly while he talked, mostly asking her if she was okay. He didn’t blame her or mention the baby at all, just asked how she was. She talked to him but didn’t say anything about the past week. She ate what he brought though so that was a good thing. He left the room at 8:50, I sent messages again but when I sent Taylor his I asked him to bring the pictures to me, he thought I was crazy but agreed.
“You can go home.”
“Not happening, I leave, you leave and I spend another week driving the streets to find you. Nope, I’m fine.”
“Whatever.”
She had built that wall up already, fuck how was I ever going to make up for this? I considered it while she watched TV and ignored me but by ten she was asleep. I sent final messages and then tried to nap myself, eventually falling asleep about ten thirty.
I blinked at two am, confused on why I was awake but I quickly realized the bed was empty.
“Gabriella?” I asked.
I got up quickly, checked the bathroom to find it empty and then I ran down to the nurse station.
“Did my wife leave?”
“Your wife is?” She asked
“Gabriella Hanson, she’s in 306.”
“Oh, no she didn’t leave. She said she was going to visit her brother on the 5 th floor and he called to tell me she was there.”
“Okay.”
I took the elevator up but Shawn said she had gone back to the room over thirty minutes before, but she had the IV pole with her so it’s doubtful she left the hospital. I went floor by floor going down and found her on the fourth floor standing in front of the nursery. I walked up to her quietly and stopped behind her, there were three little babies on the other side, all of them were asleep.
I didn’t say anything, I wasn’t even sure what to say to her. A few people came and went, seeing or checking on the new addition to the family. I finally got her left hand, it didn’t have the IV.
“Come on, let’s get you back in bed.”
“I don’t want too.”
I put gentle pressure on her hand. “I know, but you need to recover so you can go home.”
“I don’t have one of those.”
She was going to break my heart even more than it already was. How could she think that? How could she just forget everything based on pictures?
“You always have a home with me. Come on, let’s get back to your room.”
She came with me quietly and climbed back into the bed, I had no words right now. I tucked her back in and put the IV pole back where it had been, she took a moment to settle in and then she was drifting back off to sleep. I waited until she was asleep before I laid down.