Chapter 27: Friends or not

POV: Gabby

 

November 19, 2007

I’d woken up at 8:45 feeling refreshed, being able to turn the phone off was a blessing. Simon stepped it up when I got home, he’d call until I answered and then he’d just tell me all the things I wanted to hear, the apologies, the promises, and when I said no he’d hang up. It was getting old quick but again, no way to stop him legally.

Zac and I had talked Saturday after Isaac’s party. Yet, the words were mostly the same as Simon’s. He apologized for letting her kiss him, explained what happened and he even said I could ask Carrick about the hotel key, but Carrick had already told me he threw it away. He promised it wouldn’t happen again and he told me she came to the apartment and he told me he sent her home. Did I believe him? Yes. So, I agreed to continue but I let him know it was the last chance.

I was sitting on the couch reading a book I’d bought when I got home on the Nook when the door opened and Maxwell came in. He looked tired and he had his bags, which he went to his room with. He didn’t even speak to me as he went out once more for the last few things. He then got some water and from the kitchen, he wasn’t unpacking because they left again for a few weeks into December, so that didn’t confuse me or anything. He sat there quietly for a long time before he turned to me.

“I shouldn’t have used Jacob, he was a bad example. You were young when he started his crap and you weren’t given any options. I’m sorry for using him as an example but I’m not sorry for the implication of the sentence.”

Somehow that really didn’t make me feel any better. Basically he still thought I didn’t have the ability to say no to anyone, even if he excluded Jacob, he was right about him too. I didn’t say no when I was old enough to know what he was doing was wrong. I’d just kept my mouth shut and let him do whatever he wanted.

“So you’re sorry for using Jacob, but you’re not sorry for calling me a whore? The inability to say no to anyone implies that I don’t give a shit who I sleep with or don’t.”

“Do you care who you sleep with Gabriella? From the way Abigail talked you really didn’t care after Newton.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m not sorry for that Gabriella. Maybe it’s what you need to hear.”

So I needed to hear I was stupid and a whore? I didn’t understand that logic at all. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that I was stupid, they clearly told me enough times to clearly understand.

“I guess you talk to Abigail a lot then if she told you all about those after Newton.”

“You wouldn’t after I left, even when you had a phone and I sent a message you never replied, never called back. Surely with Simon I understood why, he controlled everything you did. But before that he didn’t. She was the only one that would talk to me.”

I turned the Nook off and laid it down. “Does it explain why you’re sleeping with her?”

Yep, that certainly got his attention and he actually looked at me completely stunned and speechless. I guess he didn’t know I knew that or didn’t believe I was smart enough to finally catch on.

“I guess the better question would be how long you’ve been sleeping with her, but I am pretty sure I can answer that too. Sometime around two months or so before you left, that’s when you started to pull away when it came to sex, didn’t really want to be with me and didn’t comment or talk about sex that much. Am I right?”

“How did you…?”

“Funny, you both asked me if I was at the party but you both assumed that I never showed up and just became some whore and went to his apartment. I showed up, I was there for hours and I saw you both. There never was a theme for the three of us, there never was a plan. You just didn’t want me to go, I’m shocked Abigail even asked but it didn’t matter. I saw you kissing her, looked way more than just a first or second time, and as we rode for endless hours I had time to think about it.”

“Wouldn’t really matter if we are Gabriella. We’re not together and you aren’t with her either. So, even if we are in some kind of relationship then it doesn’t matter, you have no right to be mad about that.”

“We’re not together because you told me I was your friend and your sister. You tell me this after two years and let’s face it Max you had to know that for me it was more. You can’t be that blind.”

“I told you how I felt Gabby, you knew from the beginning it was just sex. I told you up front. It’s not my fault you didn’t listen or that you fell for me.”

“I had sex with him Maxwell, Halloween night actually. Sadly your assumption was right, but you shouldn’t have even assumed it. I had no intention of saying yes but then I saw you two. I am not an aggressive person, not overly jealous or insanely obsessed. Yet my two best friends can’t even tell me there in some relationship with one another, you both just pretend that you’re friends around me.”

“Why would you be that stupid Gabby? You know he won’t stay.”

“Funny you should mention that, he actually asked me to be his girlfriend and sure he messed up in New Mexico but we talked and he explained it.”

“And you were stupid enough to accept his excuses? Stupid enough to just assume whatever he said was true and that he’ll follow it.”

I didn’t say anything because hell I was stupid, I accepted the same excuses that Simon had said, the same ones that every guy had ever said. Just hoping that one day, one of them would not lie to me. Simon had seemed so nice and so different, turns out he was far worse. Zac couldn’t be like him!

“I won’t be here this week, I was going to tell you that I was going to my parents but why bother to lie now? Abigail and I are going to Oklahoma City to spend the week with her parents for Thanksgiving.”

It hurt that he was going to lie to me about where he was going, that he either didn’t trust me or didn’t care enough about me to just tell me the truth.

“I’ll be with Zac Thursday, meeting his parents so it doesn’t matter.”

“Why bother? He won’t stick around Gabby. Face the fact that he doesn’t love you. Just accept that now as it’ll make the heartache a lot easier.”

I got up and went to my room because I just didn’t want to hear anymore. Just curled up on the bed and cried. He was supposed to be my best friend, both of them were and yet they felt it was perfectly fine to hide their own relationship from me and then tell me how stupid I was to have one. When Simon called I didn’t bother to let it ring endlessly, just answered.

“What do you want?”

“What’s the matter babe?”

“Like you care, what do you want?”

“I want you to come home, it’s almost Thanksgiving. You should be with someone and not alone. I love you babe, I want you to come home.”

“I’ll be with my boyfriend Simon. I won’t be alone.”

“Come on, you know he doesn’t love you like I do. No one ever will. I love you Gabriella. I have since I first met you.”

“You don’t love me. You just want your little play toy back and I can’t be that. You need to stop calling me and you need to stop texting. I don’t love you and I don’t want to be with you.”

I hung-up and just laid there, it was about 3 before Abigail opened the door and she sat down on the bed.

“Gabriella?”

“What do you want?”

“To talk to you. Max said you knew about us. Pretty much guessed I suppose.”

“I really don’t think you want me to talk to you right now.”

“Gabby. You can’t be jealous, come off it. What the hell did you expect? He went to work and you got pissed off and acted like some spoiled little brat. You wouldn’t talk to him, you wouldn’t visit when he was home, you just went off with whatever until you met Newton and then you just left too.”

“Abby…I really don’t want to do this now.”

“Why? Because we’re right about Zac? Come on if he’s already fucking up after two weeks then how the hell do you expect him to make it to a month? Six months? A year? He can’t, he will cheat on you. He will cheat on you, it’s just a matter of when.”

I just curled up and tried to block her out, it really didn’t hurt that they were a couple, what hurt was they lied to me for years. She yanked the blanket off of me though, clearly she didn’t want to just wait or leave it be.

“Talk to me!” She yelled.

“How long?”

“Gabby.”

“You want to fucking talk, then you can answer my fucking question. How fucking long have you two been a couple?”

“Gabriella.” Max said.

I just waited for one of them to answer me, even though I knew I didn’t want the answer. Abigail sighed.

“We hooked up February 1999, it really was just sex. You always bragged and I wanted to know why. We didn’t really get serious until about 2001, but we didn’t date long because of schedules and shit and then I guess about April of last year we got together for real.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me? You talked to me the whole time. You both talked in March, why not just tell me?”

“I knew how you felt Gabby, I knew you loved him and I didn’t want to hurt you. We weren’t even steady or an item then. We were still new.”

I got up and went around them both. Didn’t want to hurt me? That felt like complete bullshit! They had been together eleven fucking months in March, yet they were new?! Eleven months isn’t new and they could have told me! Abigail followed me out of the room.

“You can’t be mad.” She said.

“Why the hell not? You spent over a year just lying to me. You sat there in March as I cried on his shoulder and neither of you said a damn word. The last several months you’ve done nothing but lie to me about this. Yet, you have the audacity to tell me who I should date, who I should have sex with. Acting like you’re jealous of him when what? You just don’t want me to be hurt. You didn’t fucking care in 99 when you left me begging you to stay in the yard, didn’t care when I cried for you not to leave me. You didn’t care when I left Newton you didn’t care when I met Simon.”

“Quit being idiotic Gabriella. I didn’t know why you didn’t want me to leave, you didn’t tell me about Jacob, if I had known I would have made sure you were safe. You can’t blame me for leaving when you didn’t tell me.” Max said.

“You were too busy dating everyone else to even ask, to question anything. I was too busy being stupid apparently.”

“When it comes to Zac you totally are being stupid. He kisses an ex and you just forgive and forget. That’s being stupid Gabby. Sleeping with him was stupid, just because you saw us you decided what the hell, sex with him was okay? What happening to making them wait?”

“Last time I did that he found out and raped me in front of five others who rooted him on. Were neither of you even listening?”

“Sure, we listened and helped you. You’re here, you’re safe. You don’t have to worry about him hitting you or hurting you. You were even stupid with Newton, we found out about that stupid mistake too. Really? Allowing him to take more photos and almost as far as sex that was incredibly stupid.”

I briefly wondered if there was anything I did that they didn’t deem stupid or a mistake. It really didn’t seem like I even knew these people. They were standing beside one another and it just reminded me of how they always sat close when we were younger. I hated this feeling and I wanted to cry, wanted to call Zac to come get me. At least I made some smart decisions in his eyes, granted they were mostly related to him but still. He didn’t say every decision was stupid or a mistake.

“Come with us Gabby. My mom would love to see you.” Abigail said.

“No. I told Zac I would attend the holiday with him and meet his parents. I’m not going to back out.”

“Why do you do that? Just follow people blindly? Come on Gabriella. You did that with me. You met me and then you just wouldn’t let go, you followed me around, showed up, adapted everything you liked to meet mine. You hate sports and yet you watched them for me. You hated heavy metal but you got into it for Newton. You just follow people blindly looking for acceptance and love. When you don’t find it you go to the next man. You will never find it Gabriella.”

Abigail even looked a bit shocked by that one and all it did was make me feel much worse. He was basically telling me I was flawed somehow and no one would ever love me, which means he never did love me as a sister either, didn’t love me as a sister or a friend. Odds are she didn’t either.

“You two should get going, it’s a drive and I know how you’re mom is. She would want you there before dark.”

I went past them, I just wanted to get away from them, away from everything. I didn’t want to deal with this at all, I didn’t want to have to. I just wanted to run away. To just leave and never come back.

“Gabriella. Stop running from it.”

I stopped at the hallway. “I’ll pack whatever I have and I’ll go. I’ll be gone by the end of the month. You won’t have to worry about any of my stupid mistakes or anything. Have a good week in the city.”

I went to the bedroom and closed the door, this time locking it and even when Abby knocked, even when she asked me to open the door I just closed my eyes. I heard them leave a few hours afterwards and I sat up. I didn’t know what I would do. I didn’t have much really. My contact list was fairly short and while I knew several men that would surely say move in, I just didn’t want that. So I called the only other female I knew.

“Hey Gabs.” Stella said.

“Hey Stella..”

“Are you okay? You sound upset, surely Zac wasn’t stupid again.”

“No. I um..haven’t even talked to him since Saturday. I uh..there was a really bad argument. I really hate to ask but would you mind if I borrowed your couch for a few days?”

“I don’t mind but why?”

“I told Maxwell I’d leave and he didn’t say no or that I was staying. He won’t be back until after Thursday, I just don’t know of anywhere else to go.”

“Honey you know Zac would trip over himself to let you stay with him. He’d have you moved before dark.”

“I know but I just…I’m not sure that’s a good idea right now.”

“Okay, well I don’t have a ton of room but Isaac has this big garage, I can ask him if he can store your stuff there for a bit. Least until you decide what to do.”

“But wouldn’t he tell Zac?”

“I will talk to him and tell him you’d rather he not know right now. We can move you Friday.”

“Thank you. I really don’t know many female people, least not ones that don’t hate me.”

“I’d never hate you. Are you going to be okay? Do you need anything?”

“No. I’m fine, they’ve gone already and I’m just going to fix dinner and veg out in front of my Nook with the new book..”

“Okay. If you need to talk you know I’m here.”

“I know. Thank you.”

I hung-up and fixed myself dinner there was a note that said he agreed with me that maybe living together was just too much and to add to that he was removing me from his account Monday. Perfect. Least Simon wouldn’t be able to nag me.

After eating I went ahead and found some boxes in the storage room he had and then began to pack what little I had. Why put it off? When my phone went off I got it.

Hey baby, I know Maxwell was due back today…things go okay?

I sighed. Not really. But he and Abigail are gone to her parents for the week, so it’s just me.

You could come over ;-) I am sure we can keep each other company.

Zac! I’ll be fine here by myself. I am just going to read.

Can’t blame me for at least trying! Mom said dinner was 1pm Thursday, so I’ll be picking you up about 12, that fine?

Yep. I’ll be ready.

;-) Are you staying with me Thursday night?

I don’t know, it depends on how good you are…

I’ve been good now but you aren’t biting for that!

You will live. I’m going to charge this phone and avoid Simon, who only called once today.

That’s good, maybe he is finally accepting that you’re not his anymore.

Let’s hope. Okay, I’m going to finish cleaning up and then read a while.

Okay, baby – I’ll call or text tomorrow, sleep well tonight. *hugs*

Night, sleep well :-}

I put the phone on charge and finished packing what I could and then I got showered and ready for bed. I laid down hoping sleep would come quickly and it did. Yet there was a loud noise that woke me up around two, I laid there and it was quiet again so I turned over and closed my eyes.

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