Chapter 18: Simon’s Secrets
POV: Gabby / Zac
October 19, 2007
I was rather confused when I woke up with the major hangover. For starters I was staring at furniture that didn’t belong in my bedroom and then there was the feeling of someone against my back and the arm that was laying across my waist. Yet, I was still fully dressed. It took several minutes to remember where I was and what had happened.
Realization that I’d pretty much thrown myself at him and he didn’t do anything, why? Because I was drunk. I eased myself out of his grip, thankfully he was out cold. I’d woken up because my bladder was complaining. I went to the kitchen after that and found glasses and got some water.
“Aspirin…I know he has some.”
It took me five minutes to find the little basket with aspirin and first aid basics. I sat down on the end of the sofa and just enjoyed the quietness. The more I got woken up the more I remembered telling him. He’d mainly asked about Newton and myself. He really was a good listener and he had been open and as far as I could tell, honest with his answers. I heard my phone ringing and it was Maxwell’s tone so I followed it.
“Hey.”
“Hey you, been a few days are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Gabby.”
“I uh..came to Zac’s yesterday and got a little drunk. I’m fine though.”
“Do I need to come kick his ass?”
“No. He was a perfect gentleman.”
“Shocking, but I hear he can be. I was just checking because I hadn’t heard from you.”
I smiled some. “I’m good.”
“Okay. Call me tonight?”
“I will.”
I hung-up and saw the dozens of messages and just deleted them all without reading. I was still sleepy and I considered just laying on the sofa but I recalled feeling safe. So I went back to his room and laid back down. He actually woke me up at 9:30 when he tripped and cussed.
“Zac?” I asked.
“Sorry if I woke you up.”
“No problem, what are you doing?”
“Uh..I was getting dressed actually.”
“Guess it’s a good thing I can’t see you.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
I just waited, with my head covered until he was done doing whatever he was doing and then I sat up. He’d changed into blue jean pants, black ones and a striped shirt that was grey and dark navy blue.
“Did you sleep okay?”
“Yes, but you really could have left me on the couch.”
“That would have been rude, although honestly I was going to go there myself when you fell asleep. But you kind of got my shirt.”
“I’m uh..clingy is I think how Abby put it.”
“You’ve slept with Abby?”
“Yes but no sex. Just sleeping.”
“You didn’t really act like you wanted to be there alone.”
“I don’t um..do well alone.”
“I understand. So, I know there’s nothing here for breakfast or lunch or dinner, or snacks beside the vodka and I think it’s best if you avoid that today.”
“Yeah, I uh found your aspirin when I woke up earlier.”
“So, if you want we can drop by the apartment so you can change and then we can find food.”
“I should be fine in this.”
I got up and straightened the bed some before putting my shoes back on. He did a fast food breakfast, quick and simple. We then went back to his place. I chose water to drink and watched him some random movie with him. He glanced the few times Simon sent a message.
“Does he ever sleep?”
“He does and I think he found some program to time shit.”
“Maybe.”
I knew better than to bottle everything, Maxwell saw the epic breakdown in March as a result of that. Abby tried to prevent it for so long but couldn’t. I wasn’t sure that he would even understand or care, but he’d listened and he’d been respectful even when I clearly hadn’t been.
When the movie went off he asked me if I wanted to play games or watch another movie.
“If you’re okay with it, I’d like to talk.”
“That is an option as well.”
He turned the television off and turned to me, I just looked at him confused.
“What?”
“I don’t know many guys that actually want to talk.”
“Hey, I told you twice if you wanted too I would listen. Did you think I lied about that?”
“I didn’t expect this undivided attention.”
“Makes me special that’s all. So, you wanted to talk. What about?”
“You asked about Simon.”
“I did, but you said I needed something stronger to open that can of worms, I assumed if the vodka didn’t work nothing would.”
“Well, you asked about him and if he was worse than Newton.”
“Newton didn’t seem all that bad really, man can take damn good photos. I may have more questions about him.”
“Those probably are all relate to sex.”
“Pretty much, but was Simon worse?”
“Yeah, he was.”
“When did you meet him?”
“June, 2004. I was dating Tammy’s brother and she was his girlfriend at the time. She got me the job with his band touring actually, never questioned anything. By the end of the month she was no longer his girlfriend I was. Tammy was a blonde by the way. He didn’t know about my past or anything so when I told him I didn’t want sex for a while he was fine with it.”
“Your past at that point couldn’t have been that bad.”
“Newton and I broke up in 2001 and I just drifted from guy to guy, not always sex. But, for the most part it was.”
“Is that why you didn’t react harshly to my number?”
“I have no room to talk on that subject, oddly I can’t even say I was half as careful as you. No kids though. Max actually made me see a doctor in April. So, I can’t say anything to you.”
“So, you met Simon, wanted to kind of see where it was going before being more involved?”
“Yeah. Simon was dominating in many ways. He hated the black hair for starters, when I met him I had brown roots, I hadn’t had time to touch up the roots and mid-July I mentioned doing that and he told me I wasn’t allowed too.”
“Just told you?”
“Yeah. I was 21 and I hadn’t listened to anyone in years. We stopped and Scarlet was going to get her red highlight touched up so I went with her and got mine done too. Scarlet is the lead singer for Simon’s band. He noticed the moment we got back and he asked. I told him it needed to be done and I did it, that it was my hair.”
“It is your hair and it was very nice in the pictures. You look good with black hair.”
“He didn’t agree. I went to walk away and he grabbed my hair and pulled me through the venue to the green room. Screaming that I needed to learn to listen, first time since I was twelve that I got spanked, it wasn’t anything like what Newton had done, so Simon’s intention was just pain. Hurt like hell and when he was done, I realized that everyone was there watching. He then cut my hair, up to my shoulders. Told me I wasn’t allowed to dye it anymore.”
He seemed a bit shocked, most would. “He actually like...spanked you as if you were a child?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t the first time Newton had before but the difference was Newton stopped when I told him it hurt, Simon didn’t. Newton’s were lighter and Simon’s was full blown hits each time. I couldn’t really sit down after that for a few days.”
I was pretty certain the little flames I saw in his eyes weren’t directed at me, so I didn’t fear them.
“Surely that was a one-time thing?” He asked.
“No, that was just the first occurrence. He cut my hair, fucked it up and I had to get it fixed, he literally told the woman how to cut it and what she couldn’t do. After that I wasn’t allowed to cut it or dye it without his approval.”
He waited patiently and I was sure the lack of words was because he was fearful of exploding on the wrong person.
“He was fine with how I dressed as long as I was covered, no bathing suit tops, no tube tops, it had to be long enough that if I put my arms up I still had inches underneath the bra line. Maxwell tried to contact me then but Simon wouldn’t let me talk to him. I could talk to Abby but he had to be there and if she said anything about him I had to hang-up.”
I took a moment to get more water, even if the vodka bottle looked way more appealing I didn’t need it right now. I had told Maxwell sober I could tell him. I returned to the end of the sofa I was on, liking that the middle cushion was providing space.
“Damien, the bass player not the regular one that was Ash. Damien apparently knew Tammy’s brother and her brother told him that I wasn’t any saint or anything and mentioned just a few things we did in our six months together, he told Simon.”
“You hadn’t told him anything?”
“I was afraid too, he used spankings often Zac. It wasn’t just one time, anything he deemed wrong that was his go too. Talk back? You get spanked for it. Wire in the wrong place, drums not set up right, it didn’t matter to him. If he thought it was wrong, that’s what he did.”
“That’s why you were afraid when Isaac picked you up at Verizon? He said you seemed terrified.”
“I hadn’t seen Isaac do anything or be that mad at anyone, I didn’t know what he’d do. Fear of the unknown is quite powerful as well.”
“He would never do that Gabby.”
“I’m aware of that now, but at that moment I didn’t know. Apparently Maxwell told him something, he didn’t tell him the truth but told him the prior tour manager was abusive. What Maxwell meant was Simon was.”
“I’m going to assume he didn’t react well to finding out about the past items?”
“No. He didn’t. Damien asked me in the lounge of the bus in January if I particularly liked being tied up. I was drinking and didn’t think about it, so I answered honestly. Simon heard us. I think that was the fastest I’d ever sobered up, he actually broke the door separating the two areas. It’s not like he didn’t want too, I just didn’t want too. He yelled, screamed, didn’t care that the whole fucking band was there. I got up to get away but you know that’s hard to do in a 72 foot bus.”
“Yeah, getting away from someone is pretty hard.”
“We argued in the front, I kept telling him I just wanted to wait to make sure that he and I weren’t just some fling like before. Abby had talked to me and made me realize that eventually I was going to either get pregnant or get something worse. He didn’t really care.”
“Guess he felt even that was worth some spanking?”
“No, I finally realized he was pissed off and I tried to let things calm down. Told him I’d sit there in the front, he grabbed my hair and pulled me to the back. They knew about the spankings, most of the time one or all were present.”
I was having a lot of trouble forming the words and I just sat there, those memories still painful and fresh even though it had been years ago.
“Gabriella?”
“He told me I didn’t have the right to say no to him, his exact words were whores didn’t have the right to say no. I shouldn’t have said anything but I told him that wasn’t what I was. That was the first time he hit me, hard enough to make my nose bleed and it knocked me to the floor. I can’t really explain the rest.”
“I don’t think you have to, I think I know where you’re going with it. Did no one stop him? Not anyone else on that bus?”
“They were encouraging him, they never stopped him. The roadie for that tour actually took pictures of him. One’s he’s been sending me, ones the police won’t do anything about.”
“Wait, he’s sending you pictures of that time?”
“Yeah, it’s okay to say it Zac. He’s sending me pictures of him raping me. Like that’s a good point and I’d come back for that.”
“That’s not happening.”
“You sound like Max.”
“Did anyone, try to do anything?”
“No. The whole crew knew he was abusive, they knew I said no, they just watched and I think the men actually jacked off during that, I really wasn’t focused on them. Soon as he was done I went to the bathroom to throw up. Which, did nothing to calm him by the way.”
“He deserved to be beaten with a bat at that point.”
“As bad as it was I still stayed, days later he apologized and made a bunch of promises never to do that again and I fell for every one of them. He started teaching me then, his way of apologizing to me because when I’d asked in August he said no. I caught him just before the one year mark with another girl, a blonde. I left, few weeks later he came over and apologized, made a bunch of promises and I believed them all. Even though Abby told me not to go back I did.”
He got up to get himself a drink and handed me a glass of orange juice and I could smell the vodka in it.
“It’s not much but it may help calm your nerves a bit.”
“Not much else to say really. We were fine a bit, but during the next fall tour I was doing his sound checks for him and we got done early, they were replaying a taped session to test the video equipment and I went to the back, another blonde bitch, another set of worthless apologies. I left again and went back again. I caught him earlier this year at home, the bitch was in our bedroom when I got home. I yelled, screamed and then I slapped him.”
“Sounds like he needed it.”
I finished the entire glass and sat it down. “He nearly broke my arm for that. I knew better than to hit him. It was March, it was pouring down rain and when he was done beating me he threw me out, literally. He packed 1 bag for me and told me get the fuck off his property.”
“This past March?”
“Yeah. Abby wasn’t in town, she was off at college. I had no other friends and I knew if I went to Scarlet she’d just call him. The same for the other two, not that I wanted too, they encouraged his abusive behavior. I walked three hours to get to Maxwell’s apartment. It was 3:34 when I rang the doorbell. I was afraid that he’d turn me away, but he finally opened the door and he didn’t even ask, just guided me inside and got rid of the soaking wet clothes, warm shower and he found like the smallest size sweat suit he owned, still too big. Tucked me in and laid there until I was asleep. He didn’t even ask, didn’t question. By the time I woke up the next morning I had a doctor’s appointment.”
“Why a doctor’s appointment?”
“He was in the bathroom when I showered, come on you know he’s seen me before. It wasn’t weird. He saw the bruises and he said when he got my arm I had yelped, he was afraid. He took me to get checked out, hairline fracture that healed fine. Had he twisted my arm any harder he would have broken it.”
“Guess it’s a good thing Max does care about you.”
“He would have protected me if I hadn’t been so stupid when he left.”
He moved and pulled me in for a tight bear hug. “You’re not stupid Gabby. Is that why you didn’t want to go with him last week?”
I was rather stunned, I was liking this feeling but I knew it wouldn’t end well, he didn’t want anything beyond just sex. Yet, he didn’t seem to be pushing that and really, if he was the asshole that everyone claimed, why hadn’t he let me do more the night before? He was the one that stopped it.
“He was horny, that’s all he wanted me on the bus for. I also knew that if I got on the bus, he was going to hurt me. Why did you stop him?”
He’d let me go, so I was sitting back up but he was still in the center seat of the couch.
“Well, when you screamed it alarmed me, I didn’t know him and I was thinking he was trying to kidnap you or something. Once I knew I just didn’t like the way he looked at you. It was almost predatory and the way you reacted told me something was off. When I saw him dragging you, I knew that wasn’t right. Maxwell assured Isaac you would finish your contract out and you were worried about Isaac firing you with the Newton thing. So, I came over. The way he had your arm and the way he looked, I just knew you couldn’t go with him. Lame excuse, really if you chose to go there was nothing we could do.”
“I didn’t want too.”
“I know. This may sound strange but knowing how Simon is, I don’t feel comfortable taking you back to the apartment knowing you will be there alone.”
“It’s fine. Simon is in California.”
“Their California shows end today Gabby, it’s not far and they have a week before the next show. Does he know Maxwell is out of town?”
“Yeah, he knows.”
“And he knows you are here alone?”
“He doesn’t know Abby’s back at school but I guess it’s not farfetched but really, where would I go?”
“Here, you can take my room and I’ll take the couch, believe me I sleep well anywhere I am.”
“But…”
“Gabriella, he hurt you and really, would you have left in March if he hadn’t made you?”
“No.”
“If he’s desperate enough to send you reminder pictures of that time, then I can see him coming here to get you. Knowing you are alone. I don’t feel comfortable letting you go there for the next few days and be there alone. Besides, do you know how boring it is here without someone to talk too?”
“Oh, I see. Has nothing to do with my safety you’re just bored to death and want company. What? You going to keep handing me shirts to wear too?”
“That shirt looks better on you, than it ever has on me.”
“Muhum, has nothing to do with Taylor’s shirt or Carrick’s jacket?”
He tilted his head down. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you got jealous then, you wanted it to be your shirt.”
He just smiled. “Just stay here, please? For my own sanity.”
“Only if I take the couch, I don’t feel right kicking you out of your bedroom.”
“You drive a hard bargain, but if that’s all I have to do then the couch is yours.”
“Good, can I lay back down then?”
He laughed. “Sure.”
He slid down into the floor and got the controller and I laid down. I didn’t think I would sleep.
-Zac-
I chose a game that would allow me to kill lots of things, she’d laid down and within thirty minutes her eyes were closed and she was asleep. I got the feeling that since Simon began to send her messages, she really hadn’t slept well. Not that I could blame her because often we all heard her tone going off all the time.
My blood was boiling at how Simon treated her. The piece of shit excuse for a man is what he was. I couldn’t imagine how she felt or handled what he did to her during the last few years, raping her because she said no? Spanking a grown woman? That was just his way of hurting her and humiliating her. I really wished he’d show up again just so I could turn his face into jell-o. His band was no better either, allowing it! Scarlet, the only apparent female really was a shitty excuse for one also because she should have done something to better protect her. The upside to all my anger was I managed to annihilate my previous score on the game and jump into the 1 st spot on the leader boards. It was about 2:15 when my phone rang, it wasn’t a number I knew so I answered it.
“Hello?”
“Zac Hanson?” he asked.
“That’s me…who is this?”
“It’s Max.”
“Well, hello Max. To what do I owe the pleasure of you calling me?”
“I called to tell you to stay the fuck away from Gabby. She really doesn’t need your bullshit.”
I glanced at her asleep on my couch and I could have sworn Max sounded almost jealous that she would even be near me.
“How am I to stay away when she’s touring with us?”
“The fair. I have other friends and they know who she is. Not to mention there are several photos of you two on Instagram.”
“Really? I may need to check them out. I asked her to the fair, she didn’t have to go.”
“I know how you are, you don’t do relationships and I be damned if I am going to allow her to fuck around with you and get hurt again.”
I was already pissed off at Simon, this wasn’t helping.
“Like you did when you left after two years of sex? You know nothing about how I am.”
“I know you like blondes, big tits, and easy. She’s not your type Zac. Just leave her alone. I know you’ve hit on her before and I know she said no.”
“I respect her no. I’m not Simon. She’s old enough to make her own decisions.”
“You know nothing about her history Zac.”
“On the contrary I know quite a bit, foster parents, adoptions, about you.”
He was quiet. “She told you?”
“Yes. Without me hurting her, on her own. I get it, you’re her knight in shining armor you saved her from the big bad wolf. But you’re not here, for the record Max. She’s asleep on my couch and she’s agreed to stay here until we leave because Simon showing up and now having time has me worried.”
“Hold up…Simon showing up?”
“Yes, last week. Tried to pull her onto their tour bus and I stopped him. He was in California but there last show was yesterday and they have a week off. I was worried that he would show up. He knows you’re out of town, he knows she’s alone. I talked her into staying here, he will not come here and if he does he won’t be leaving without an ambulance.”
“I assume she told you about him?”
“Yeah.”
“Fine, I do know that you respect the word no. But if you hurt her, you’ll be dealing with me.”
He then hung-up. I had no plans to hurt her. I laid my phone down and watched her sleep for a few minutes. I didn’t understand what this feeling was. This need to make her feel better. Whatever it was, I wasn’t quite sure it was a bad thing. I kept playing, but about 4:30 I nudged her. I was starving and I knew she needed to get clothes and stuff.
She blinked and eventually sat up, hair all stuck up on one side.
“No lie, I’m dying of starvation.”
“I need a shower.”
“My shower works.”
“Sure, let me shower and just what? Go to dinner naked?”
“I wouldn’t mind that one bit.”
“Of course not. Or better, I can just borrow your clothes? I am sure that your pants would be way too big.”
“I kind of meant you could shower tonight, after getting your clothes and stuff.”
“Fine. Do you have a hair brush at least? I don’t think you’ve ever used one.”
“In the bathroom, yes.”
She got up and when she came back her hair had been brushed. We got dinner first and then went by the apartment to get her clothes and bags for the tour. She was repacking because the temperatures were changing so she needed pants and long sleeves. We then headed back to my apartment where she declared she was using the jetted tub. I sighed, fuck I wish I could join her. Instead, I played video games and wished I could see her in the tub. This was going to be a long few days but she was right, I was bored and at least there would be someone here to play games with, have lunches and dinner with, and talk too. Since the person that my brain wanted to bed was in my house but not saying yes. She came back out in a one piece footed pajamas set.
“A onesie?” I asked.
“They’re footed pajamas!”
“So sexy, footed pajamas.”
“Your definition of sexy is nothing, I really can’t parade around your apartment that way.”
“Again, wouldn’t bother me.”
“Sure, this from the guy that totally shut me down.”
I rolled my eyes. “You were drunk. Believe me, stopping you was the last thing I wanted to do. But, I also didn’t want you to hate me or yourself this morning. Come on, you really going to tell me if I hadn’t stopped you, that you’d be hunky dory this morning?”
She just stared at me but didn’t say anything, so I smiled.
“You know a simple ‘you were right Zac’ is fine here.”
She laughed. “Admit that you were right? You really are dreaming there. Now give me a controller so I can kill something.”
I tossed the second one and she had improved some and then she blew me up.
“What the hell? You’re supposed to be on MY side!”
“Oops.”
“Be blowing me up for nothing!”
About 11 Max called her and they talked for a bit but she yawned during the call and I tried to get her to just go to the bedroom, but she said she’d be fine. I thought she was lying but I got the pillow and blanket anyway and sure enough, by midnight she was sound asleep, despite the lights being on and the TV and the noise. I guess riding a bus helps! I stayed up way too late before cutting everything off. I did lay the blanket over her before laying down.